


Still Jack and Daniel Series 2 - No Yellow Brick Road 4 - Holidays

by Annejackdanny



Series: Still Jack and Daniel Series 2 - No Yellow Brick Road/Ghosts of the Past [2]
Category: SG-1 - Fandom
Genre: Christmas, Kidfic, M/M, Slash, h/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-05
Updated: 2012-09-05
Packaged: 2017-11-13 15:00:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 48,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/504748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annejackdanny/pseuds/Annejackdanny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Christmas and SG-1 had always done Christmas together - and kept it simple. Little Daniel doesn't want a tree with decorations... or does he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Holidays is the 2nd story in this series

**No Yellow Brick Road**

**IV**

**Holidays**

**I**

"Daniel? You can come out now if you think you're ready."

Silence

"Daniel..."

There was some shuffling and rustling and then a low thud when the kid's butt hit the wooden floor. He was now probably sitting right behind Jack, on the other side of the wall that parted the living room from the dining room.

O'Neill sat on his couch in his very clean and spotless living room. He liked it that way. It was worth all the effort. A clean house for Christmas. Had to be done anyway and with Carter, Jacob, Teal'c, Janet and Cassie coming over for dinner tomorrow, he had the perfect reason to finally do a thorough cleaning. Jack and Daniel had changed plans due to the heavy work schedules over the last few weeks. Originally they had invite d e veryone for Christmas Eve. But one mission had chased another and then Jacob had sent a message to let them know he wouldn't make it tonight. So they were going to celebrate on Christmas Day instead of Christmas Eve. The good thing about that was that Jack had enough time to get the house clean. 

Jack was a tidy person.

Daniel wasn't.

Which was exactly the reason why Jack was on his couch and Daniel had chosen to sulk in the dining room in brooding silence behind the wall.

The colonel flipped through the pages of the "Country Homes" magazine he had found on his coffee table  this morning. He scowl ed at the colorful pictures of stockings on fireplace mantels and overloaded Christmas trees with lights and angels. Where did that crap come from anyway? He had thrown out more junk like this over the last four weeks. It seemed like every damn American home and garden magazine wanted to give them their "one free issue" and the promises of wonderful freebies if they ordered their magazine for a year.

Well, no such luck here. Jack had enough to do keep ing the magazines away from Flyboy's habit to chew on things. Especially Jack's things. Oh, and the mail. This issue had already traces of dog teeth and drool at its corners. 

And it wasn't helping with the Christmas mood either. This house was still a Christmas-free zone. No tree, no angels, no stockings. 

There was a nice space in front of the big window by the fireplace though, where a tree would fit in nicely. Speaking of fireplaces... stockings would look great on there. They could put up a string of lights outside the big window. Maybe one on the fir tree in the garden. 

O'Neill realized he never had a Christmas tree in this house.

It had never mattered.

Christmas had been all about Charlie once. Charlie opening his gifts, Jack and Charlie going on a tree hunt, Charlie putting out a plate with cookies and a glass of milk for Santa. Christmas had been fun. Jack used to be giddy and sappy about it, playing Santa for his kid and, yeah, they used to have turkey and mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce with pumpkin pie for dessert. Same as Thanksgiving. He’d loved it. The baubles, the lights, Charlie sitting on Santa's lap in the mall. There had to be pictures somewhere in a dusty box. And they used to watch that Christmas movie with Chevy Chase every year. Sara used to tell him he was just like Clark Griswold when it came to Christmas and he would fall from the roof one day while hanging up all the light strings. Charlie and Jack had been on a mission each year, untangling the wires. 

The first year after Charlie's death he had simply tried to survive the holidays. Had gotten drunk at the cabin, shutting himself off from the rest of the world for three days.

On their first year as a team, they had been off world over Christmas. Stuck on a rather nice planet. Gate was down for whatever reason. They had sat around a campfire and Daniel had bored... err... lectured them about the many different ways people celebrated Christmas on Earth. Teal'c had been fascinated by it and wanted to know everything about the traditions and the historical background. They had sipped bad coffee, nibbled on chocolate bars and MRE. Actually, it had been nice. Jack had liked it. It had felt good to be away from home and all the reminders of a season he couldn't enjoy anymore. It had then dawned on him how lonely they all were. Back then he had known about Daniel's losses, of course. And he could imagine how Teal'c must have felt about leaving his people behind. He didn't even know Teal’c had a son then. Carter? He didn't know about her brother or dad back then. But it was clear that for some reason none of them had had a family to visit. And it had brought them closer to each other. It had been their first Christmas together and from there they had just come together each year for dinner. It was tradition by now and Jack had started to do the little things again, things you do for friends on Christmas. Buying gifts, cooking,... 

But that special giddy mood, the Christmas mood, had never come back. Not like it had been before. They didn't need a tree and all the fancy stuff to feel good with each other on Christmas. It was okay. For all Jack had known this was as close to perfect as it could get for him.

Last year Daniel had been a munchkin for just a couple of months. And yet Jack had felt somewhat different about the holidays suddenly. A little boy sitting in his living room without a tree and lights just didn't seem right. Even if that little boy was moody and cranky most of the time - which had been the case back then. Last year Jack didn't even dare to mention things like trees and Santa to Daniel. He had wanted to see another day. So he'd just let it pass. 

This year... This year it was different. But not quite.

Once they had made it through the debriefings after their return from Antarctica, there had been lots of work. 

SG-1 had barely recovered from their encounter with Aiyana when they had to go off world again. They’d found a snake queen named Egeria who happened to be the origin of the Tok'ra. Along with that, there had been the discovery of a substance called Tretonin. It was used as a cure for diseases on a planet called Pangar. The side effects weren't very pleasant. But now the Tok'ra were trying to work out a synthesized Tretonin. If it worked the way they wanted, it would help the Jaffa to overcome their dependence on symbiotes. 

Teal'c and Bra'tac had volunteered to be the first two test subjects of this experiment. And while Jack thought it was a doubtful solution to go from one dependence into another, he could understand that being hooked on a drug, even though it had to be taken on a regular basis, was the lesser of two evils.

In the meantime Daniel was working on his Inuit skills and various other projects. They continued meeting with Svenson and she seemed to be satisfied with the kid's progress on trying to take a more active part in the sessions. Jack couldn't do the role play thing though. Svenson kept bugging him to go with it, so he had agreed. One time she had made them switch roles and Jack was supposed to be Daniel, while Daniel would be Jack. Oh, it had been fun. 

They had started with Jack - in his role as Daniel - wanting to go out on his own. Daniel, as Jack, had to make his point as to why that was out of the question. It was all about seeing things from the other’s point of view. Soon Jack had been whining and Daniel  was  roll ing  on the floor with laughter. They had started over several times. But all they had managed was cracking up, every time Jack said, "But Jaaaack!" It had gone on until they were both giggling like idiots the second they looked at each other. Svenson had finally given up on it for the day. Later, she had accused Jack of not taking this seriously and that making a comedy out of it wouldn't help Daniel. 

Well, d'oh. But who in his right mind could take something like that seriously? Okay, Daniel was doing it with Svenson from time to time. But Jack just couldn't. Daniel said it was okay and he felt awkward about doing this with Jack, too. At least it proved the munchkin was able to see the humor in his dilemma. Which, in Jack's book, wasn't such a bad thing.

So life went on and the holidays kind of snuk up on them and suddenly there was snow and jingle bells all over the Springs. Now Christmas was almost here and Jack wasn't sure if he should tell Daniel about his musings on trees, candles and tinsel. 

The kid was going to get more gifts than the usual small present they had shared in previous years. They had never exchanged more than one. It was the team rule they had established many years ago. Everybody had one gift for the others. But Danny had to give him some slack here. It was just not possible to stick to just one gift for him now. It had always been difficult to leave it at one. Last year Jack hadn't dared to buy more. But this year things had just fallen into place and now he had a couple of gifts for the brat instead of just one. 

Daniel had begun to play some more over the last weeks. So, among some special gifts, Jack had gotten him a new jigsaw puzzle. Daniel loved doing puzzles and spent hours at it. He had started to do puzzles relatively early in his new childhood. It helped him to school his concentration level, and fitting the small pieces was good for his fine motor skills. That argument had always been a good excuse for the kid to "get away" with playing. He had always been a little reluctant in giving in openly to the need for any playing just for fun. O'Neill remembered the Lego sets they had gotten very early into this. Okay, he had bought them on a whim. It had been Jack who'd built the space station and put together the B-wing fighter.

Right. What had he been thinking anyway to buy those - for Daniel? Well, Jack had had some fun with it though and he knew Daniel had built the great Giza pyramid out of one of the creative sets at least a few times, alone in his room. Oh, and he had also built little Lego replicators for a while after the incident with Reese. Jack had seen him doing it several times. He'd been a little worried about the meticulousness and solemnity with which Daniel  had done  it. He'd built an entire bug army once and then had sat there, staring at them deep in thought. Then he had asked Jack if he'd help him destroy them. Oh, yeah. They had done that - several times.

It was a way of coping and Jack was amazed how satisfying it had been even for him to wreck those Lego bugs into tiny pieces. Daniel never built a Reese figure though. He never asked about her either. They assumed she was still at Area 51, probably dismantled and put away for further studying. 

The kid had ordered some PC games on-line recently. So far he had only played the Nintendo. Now he was playing "Settler of Catan" on his laptop  when he wasn't working. This was new. Like the clothes. Actually Jack thought Settlers was a cool game, even though there wasn't much shooting and no cool monsters to kill in it. It was something more Daniel-ish. You had to build a town in a complex process, using wood and stone. Then you'd have to do mining for coal, iron, gold, and sulfur and also generate food to feed the miners. You'd have to make weapons and tools from the minerals you got. There was military strategies in it, but the main goal was to build the town.

So Jack had passed ordering the newest Settler game on to Teal'c, who not only bought it, but had also played it himself and was now eager to share his experiences and strategies with Daniel. 

Jack would like to wrap Daniel's gifts in colorful paper and arrange them under a tree. Sweets in stockings... Daniel loved candies... Boy, was he getting sappy lately.

Well, they could still go and get a tree... 

But right now Daniel was uncommunicative anyway. It looked like the only thing the kid would want a tree for was to slug Jack with it. 

Flyboy came down into the living room, trotted over and placed his head on Jack’s knee. Big brown eyes looked up at him. The dog kept pacing back and forth between them, not happy about how his two humans were behaving today.

O'Neill leaned his head back against the wall and said, "I know you're not talking to me. But since you're not sitting on the chair anymore, you might as well come down here and do the not-talking while we watch some TV."

Still no answer.

"History Channel," Jack tried. He let a moment pass and then asked, "Hey, you're making the dog unhappy, you know that?" 

Right.

No talking.

Jack patted Flyboy's head. "Go over and tell him to stop sulking, will ya?"

The dog let out a snuff and left him to keep Daniel company for a while. 

O'Neill picked up the magazine again and read through some of the holiday recipes. There was a step by step instruction on how to make a turkey. Maybe they could try something more traditional this year? But that would be tomorrow so if they wanted to do it old fashioned they should hurry up. And it was all set anyway. 

The drinks were already in the fridge, along with the salmon Daniel wanted Jack to make. He had chosen an Asian spicy recipe. So the turkey idea was probably out of the question... Jack grimaced at the thought of preparing the fish. Daniel didn't do the "dirty work" of cooking anymore so Jack would have to slice and clean the fish under the watchful eyes of his mini gourmet friend.

Jack hated preparing fish. That's why there were no fish in his pond. 

"Hey, Daniel - ya think we could make a turkey? Have a recipe here."

There was more shuffling and rustling but still no answer.

"We can exchange notes while we cook if you're still not talking to me tomorrow," Jack suggested.

There was a low snort from behind the wall. 

Jack arched an eyebrow: "You were saying?"

"Nothing."

"Ah."

"We can't exchange notes," Daniel muttered, his voice still hoarse from all the yelling he had done half an hour ago.

"Why's that?"

"I'm not allowed to read," Daniel sneered from behind the wall, then sniffed dramatically.

"Books, Daniel," Jack reminded him. "You're not allowed to read books. Notes are different."

"I hate you," was the answer. But there was no real anger in the kid's voice anymore. 

"Nah, you don't."

There was a huge sigh. "No, I don't hate you. But at the moment I really don't like you very much. You're an all dominant, stubborn, anal, finicky... " 

"You're pathetic. And you know exactly what I was talking about when I said no reading."

Jack could almost see Daniel crossing his arms over his chest and glaring down at his feet, his face doing the pout of all pouts. 

"Daniel?"

"Books," came the sullen answer.

"Where?"

"I'm not reading any books outside my room until the holidays are over, so I won't leave them all over the house - again. Satisfied?" 

"Yep."

Jack continued with the magazine while he tried to ignore the sniffling on the other side. Flyboy made little yelping noises in between that sounded like he was trying to soothe Daniel. 

"I think a sweet potato casserole would be nice with the turkey," Jack pointed out, going through the side dishes. 

He was really warming to the whole idea. He hadn’t had a traditional Christmas or Thanksgiving menu in years. If it was Carter's turn, they would go out. Same with Teal'c. Janet was with her own family most years. She only joined them if her relatives were away on vacation over Christmas. Jack and Daniel used to be the only ones who did the home cooking, alternating between Jack's or Daniel's place. 

Okay - Daniel  had cooked and Jack helped. Daniel was the better cook anyway. He was just not into the all American traditional stuff. Daniel liked cooking Italian or Chinese. And sometimes he tried new recipes from all over the world. And it was always great. Well, maybe the lemon and ginger tofu Daniel tried once had been a little off. Jack hadn't been too fond of the cous cous either. 

But usually Daniel was a good cook. 

Or had been anyway, before the downsizing. Since he’d figured out he couldn't do everything on his own anymore, he had given up on cooking the fancy stuff and was now merely assisting Jack in the food department. Daniel didn't do all too well with knives anymore and got frustrated easily because of it. This Asian salmon recipe was the fanciest thing Daniel had suggested to do since... oh, quite some time. But it would be... fish. For crying out loud.

"You really want us to make turkey?" Daniel's voice came from above him, and when Jack tipped his head back again, the Wretch was leaning over the counter of the wall, chin propped on his folded arms. His hair was sticking out in all directions and his glasses were a little askew on his nose. A moment later a black, pointed eared head appeared next to Daniel and Flyboy placed his forepaws on the counter. 

Jack shrugged. "You up to it?" 

"It's so... American," Daniel pointed out. He picked up Charlie's picture that stood next to his left elbow and stared at it for a moment. Jack craned his neck a little more to see what he was doing. But he kept himself from telling Daniel to be careful and not to drop the photo. 

"And? So? Therefore?"

"You'd have to do all the work, carving, cleaning."

"And? So...? I can handle. It's not fish at least." 

"You said you were okay with the salmon." Daniel scowled.

"I like turkey better." Great. Now he was whining, too. 

"I'm moving out anyway. So, you'll have to ask Sam to assist you with your turkey." Daniel put the photo back in its place. 

"Daniel, I want to eat it. I don't want to make a... doohickey out of it." Jack scowled back at him. 

The Wretch snuffled some more and rubbed his nose with his hand. "Give me back my books and my laptop," he demanded.

"Nope."

"No books, no turkey."

O'Neill grabbed the magazine and started reading it again, ignoring the hovering kid. He and Carter could do a turkey. No problem. Hell, he could do it alone. 

"I'll spend Christmas on base," Daniel threatened gloomily from behind him. 

"Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out," Jack said without looking up.

A few months ago, he would've expected to hear Daniel run down the hall to his room, followed by a slamming door. Oh, he knew Daniel wouldn't leave. But he would've stayed in his room for a few hours sulking probably. After a while Jack would’ve finally cracked and gone after him to put things right again.

Well, times had changed. Daniel wasn't going anywhere and they both knew it. They were just still a little grumpy. There was no movement behind him. He let a moment pass and then looked upwards again.

Yep. Daniel was still there, glaring at him. So was the dog.

"I'm not joking. I'm going to call an airman to pick me up. And you can sit here and feel bad about it. They will serve turkey at the commissary, too," Daniel said, obviously not ready to give in yet. His bottom lip jutted out and started to tremble. "And there'll be a tree with lights on it and..."

What? "You want a tree?"

"No!"

"You just said."

"I said there will be a tree. Didn't say I want one," Daniel sniped, before he caught the trembling lip between his teeth. 

Jack stared down at the "Country Home" issue in his hand. Yesterday he had found one on the breakfast table. And two days ago, another one of these home style magazines had been hidden under the TV Guide. There was one in the bathroom, too... 

Fer crying out loud.

O'Neill slammed the magazine down on the coffee table and got up from the couch. He turned and jabbed a finger at Daniel, who now crossed his arms over his chest. "If you want a damn tree, why don't you just say so?" 

"Who said I want a tree?!"

"Well, you keep shoving these magazines under my nose..."

"I didn't!"

"Oh, you so did!"

"Didn't!"

"Did, Daniel!"

"They keep coming with the mail!"

"And you're placing them all over the house - why? To give the dog something to chew on?"

"Well, it's what I do! Placing things all over  _your_ house, leaving my books everywhere, being a slob! You just told me that loud and clear!"

Flyboy let out a loud bark and ran out of the dining room. He came into the living room and barked again. 

And once more the house was ringing with the sounds of their voices while they tried to out-yell each other. Jack knew they had been there and done that just half an hour ago. He also knew it was ridiculous and useless to get into this particular fight again. Yet, he heard himself holler, "You  _are_ a slob, Daniel! And I asked you..."

"Ordered!"

"Asked! I asked you to collect your damn books and other stuff from the living room and the dining room! I started asking on Sunday... which was two days ago! You kept telling me you were going to do it. And you didn't. That's why I finally ordered you to!" 

Daniel didn't follow orders very well. That was why Jack had finally done it himself this morning. They were running out of time. They had done a proper Christmas cleaning this week. Oh, his shrunk little fella had done his share of  work . He had cleaned his room and helped with the bathrooms and dusting. But he kept leaving his things all over the place. Mainly books. When Jack had told him for the hundredth time to keep his stuff in his room at least over the holidays, Daniel had rolled his eyes and that's when Jack got a little irritated. So when he'd cleaned up after Daniel this morning, Jack had put the things he had collected from all over the house - books, the laptop and the Nintendo - into a box and locked them away in his bedroom closet. 

He'd told the Wretch he would get his things back after Christmas and that if Jack caught him with a book outside his room it would join the other items in the box. Which concluded in Daniel arguing, then yelling, then crying and then going into timeout after telling Jack that he would never, ever talk to him again. 

Outgrowing the tantrums.

Right.

Oh, Jack knew what this was all about. They were both running out of energy these days. Daniel had nightmares more often again since their return from Antarctica. Jack had made lots of hot chocolate in the middle of the night over the last few weeks. Hot chocolate often helped, in combination with cuddling and turning the lights on for a while. 

Sometimes Daniel told him what he dreamed of, sometimes he didn't. It was mostly about Aiyana and the other Ascended dying during the plague. Sometimes the hot chocolate didn't help and Daniel stayed the night in Jack's bed. Even there Jack sometimes had to wake him up because he was tossing and moaning. He didn't need Svenson to know this was a natural process of working through what had happened at White Rock Station. 

The lack of good refreshing sleep showed in jangling nerves, even though Jack had cajoled Daniel into taking naps in his office here and there. 

That Daniel had to say Goodbye to his rotten monkey two weeks ago didn't help either. But the dog had won the fight with Amab's other ear and tail. Daniel had brought the stuffed toy to Jack and told him to put it back into the box or into the trash and no, he didn't want a new toy, thank you very much. 

So sooner or later it had to erupt. This tantrum was long overdue. Daniel was much better at keeping himself in check these days. Jack also suspected Christmas was getting to Daniel more than he would admit. Oh, yeah, there was Jackson, of course. Which was a whole different story. 

"It's not too much to expect you to put your things away from time to time," Jack had to make this last point. 

"I know that!"

"Well, that's good! Now get dressed so we can chop a tree!"

With that, Jack marched out of the living room. They met in the middle of the hallway when Daniel came out of the dining room, his face red with anger. They both stopped, glaring at each other. 

Then Daniel cleared his throat and asked, "Chop a tree?"

Jack grumbled, "I have a sled in the..."

"A sled," Daniel frowned, not giving anything away at this snippet of news.

"Yeah. There's lotsa snow out there. We can take it with us and... we could, uh..."

"As in you'll pull me up the hills and then we coast down? Like... playing in the snow?" 

"We need a sled to get the tree to the truck," Jack muttered, rubbing a hand through his hair. 

Damn. He was just waiting for Daniel to explode again. Asking him to sled, right after the argument they had was probably one of the dumbest ideas he’d ever had. But it had just popped into his head. Like the turkey and the stockings.

"I don't like playing in the snow. It's cold," Daniel objected. But he didn't seem to be really mad anymore. It was more the need to have the last word. Jack could see he was mulling the idea over in his head. Suddenly a smile spread over Daniel's young face: "Flyboy might like to play in the snow though. I'll go and put warm underwear on," he said and ran down the hallway into his room, Flyboy following on his heels.

Yep. Times had changed. 

*******

Half an hour later they were on the back porch. Daniel watched Jack as he greased the runners of an old wooden sled with wax. He felt a little like the marshmallow man in all the clothes. Long underwear, pants, snowpants, two pair of socks, snow boots and his warm winter jacket. Scarf and gloves on top. And of course a woolen cap. He felt like when he'd been on his way to Antarctica.

The tip of his nose was still cold, though.

The sled looked old, but solid. Jack had told him he built it himself. For Charlie. It was one of the few things he had kept. Daniel knew there were a couple more. Like those fighter jet models Jack kept in the showcase in the living room. He had put those together with his son in the year before he had died. Or the little box with pictures Jack kept in his locker on base. 

While he watched Jack work, he tried to make up his mind for the right words to apologize for his outburst. But the minutes passed and Daniel kept quiet.

Finally the sled was ready and Jack loaded it  o n the truck’ s bed , along with his backpack. Flyboy, who had been running through the snow-covered garden like crazy, climbed into the back of the truck and let Jack put the safety harness on him. 

While they were on their way to the  woods near Winterpark for the tree hunting, Daniel was still mulling things over in his head. The truck was heating up fast and he started to pull off his hat and gloves, followed by the scarf soon after.

"I'm sorry I threw a fit," he finally said sheepishly.

"Well, it's been a while."

"I thought I was over this kind of behavior. At least... mostly." Daniel sighed. He had blown up like a nuke during their argument, which had started out with Jack nagging about his books. He remembered that all he wanted was to give Jack a little bit of attitude before putting his things away this morning. From there, it had gone downhill because Jack had lost his patience and opted for swift consequences. 

They were leaving the interstate and the truck made its way into the mountains. The roads were free, but to the left and right there were masses of piled up snow.

"We've had some rough nights lately. I should've known you’d get a little edgy," Jack muttered, his eyes staying on the road.

"Yeah." Daniel blushed, pulling at his gloves. "Doesn't make it okay. I'm sorry."

Jack didn't answer that. But after a moment, he reached out and ruffled Daniel's hair. They looked at each other and Daniel felt his face break into a smile. "We can try the turkey if you like."

"Sweet."

"You know how to clean it out? And cut it?" 

"Yep. Done that every year when I was... you know... still married,” Jack said. 

"Cool. Can I have my books back when we're home?"

"Take a guess."

"Laptop?"

"Daniel..."

He held up his hands in surrender. "Just checking, Jack." 

When they reached the parking lot near the selected area for the tree hunt, there weren't too many cars. It seemed most people already had their trees. 

Jack got the sled and the backpack out while Daniel was putting his gloves and hat back on. Then he flopped down on the sled, placing his snow boots on the runners. 

He watched his friend as he let Flyboy out of the truck and put him on the leash. The tall black dog wasn't happy about that. He wanted to run free and he was excited about the walk in the forest. So he jumped around Jack and tried to bite into the leather rope. But Jack was prepared for this kind of attitude by now. He grabbed Flyboy's collar and told him to sit and stay. The dog knew this command and he also knew he would get praised for complying. So he reluctantly sat down, vibrating with energy. As soon as Jack had attached the leash to the collar and patted his head, he jumped up and started to run. Daniel had to grin at the expression on the dog's face when Jack pulled him back again and made him sit down once more. 

"He's pouting," Daniel said.

"Did you practice with him?" Jack grinned. 

"Sure. We're trying the pouty face and the puppy dog eyes twice a day in front of a mirror together. I'll have to work on teaching him to talk so he'll back me up when we have arguments."

When Flyboy didn't move for another moment, Jack finally gave him a backrub and let the leash longer. The dog took a few steps and came over to Daniel who fondled his head with his gloved hands. He was amazed how much the black dog had learned over the weeks since he lived with them. 

Daniel wondered if Jackson was going to move out of base someday. It didn't look like he w as going  to the Alpha site. And if he wanted his dog back for good then? It was, after all, his right to have Flyboy back. Daniel wouldn't argue about that. He already felt guilty, somehow, because he felt like Flyboy was his dog. Well, he was his dog, right? Technically, Flyboy was his. 

Because he was the same Daniel Jackson. 

Sighing, he let go of Flyboy's head and watched the dog stick his nose into the snow. 

He wasn't the same Daniel Jackson. Flyboy wasn't his dog. Not really. But now wasn't the time to dwell on it. 

Jack placed the backpack between Daniel's legs and he put one arm around it while he held onto the sled with his other hand. "Are you my little pony or a sled dog?" he asked Jack with a grin. 

"Woof." Jack grinned back. "Good to go, buddy?" 

He nodded, hoping Jack wouldn't get that he was still not really out of his bad mood. Jack could be very persistent when it came to figuring out what Daniel was brooding over. Then again, Daniel could just say he was thinking about Jackson. That sure would make Jack back off easily. It always did. They were still dancing around that particular subject. Daniel admitted his issues to Svenson, and talked about them - the "safe" issues, regarding his identity and his future life as an adult with a counterpart of himself around. But between him and Jack, there were other things about Jackson they might have to face someday. 

Not now though. 

Right now, however, his troubled thoughts had to do with Christmas. He couldn't help it. The holidays made him feel strange. Of course, all the Christmases he had spent with Jack and the team had been great and maybe the happiest he’d ever had since his parents had died.

Yet, the season always felt awkward to him. While he liked the fact that people seemed to be more open to those who needed help in this part of the year, he never felt like having this sweet, overbearing - almost forced - need to do all the traditional Christmas things. He enjoyed the holidays with the friends who were closest to him and that was it. Daniel always liked the togetherness and simplicity of the way they spent the holidays. No consumer rush, no having to fix a thousand things in the last minute. 

He still wanted it that way. And he had been sure Jack wanted it, too. 

Okay, Daniel had gifts for him. Very thoughtfully chosen gifts. So he was going against the "one-gift-rule". But things had just fallen into place. And yes, the "Home and Garden" magazines had come with the mail and Daniel had read them and left them here and there. But he really didn't do that on purpose. Just because he had a few more gifts for his older friend didn't mean he wanted the whole sappy Christmas package, right? 

Jack hadn't mentioned anything about trees and candles or stockings. Jack had only asked what they'd have for dinner and to drink. Daniel had chosen the fish and Jack said fish was okay. Why had he chosen the salmon in the first place? Jack didn't even like salmon. Daniel stared down at the pack in his arms. 

This morning they had had this stupid fight and now they'd have turkey and a tree... did that mean Jack had wanted a tree all along and just didn't tell him? He really seemed hooked on the turkey, too. 

There was a tug on the sled and he was sliding through the white landscape. Daniel watched Jack's long legs in the black snow boots taking long secure steps. He was wearing a blue thick jacket and a black cap, scarf and gloves. Flyboy was trotting next to him. Jack was holding the leash and the sled string in both hands. From time to time the dog stuck his nose into the snow and then sneezed or snuffed. 

On his first day out after it had snowed during the night, Flyboy had been almost afraid of the wet cold stuff. He had stalked in it, and both Jack and Daniel had laughed and thought it was hilarious. But very soon Flyboy figured out that running in the snow was fun and they had chased each other across the yard. 

Danny gazed down through the wooden bars of the sled. It looked as though the ground was moving away under him and not the other way around. After watching that for a while, he started to feel a little dizzy and opted for looking up again. There were other fathers and mothers pulling their kids on sleds from the parking lot. Daniel could hear laughter and people talking. But due to the snow, every sound seemed to be a little muffled and far away. He could hear the snow crunch under Jack's boots.

There was a little house for the rangers who took the payment for the trees. When they reached it, Jack fumbled out his wallet and paid for one tree. In return they got a paper slip which they had to stick visibly on the chosen tree on their way out.

Daniel looked at the list of rules attached to the window of the ranger house. It said that dogs had to be on the leash all the time. Poor Flyboy. He really didn't like to be on it for long. 

After they had their instructions, they headed off into the forest.

Here, the snow was deeper and the sled runners sank in. They followed a path littered with other sled traces, dog and foot prints. Daniel could hear barking somewhere. Flyboy got really excited and started running past Jack, his nose plowing through the snow. From time to time there were noises of sawing and the dull thuds of axes used on the trees. Other than that, it was very quiet. To their left and right, high firs stood, their trunks a dark contrast to the white landscape. 

Daniel raised his legs and stretched them out over the snow, holding onto the sled with both hands now. Then he placed his boots back on the runners and laid back on the sled, staring up into the incredible blue sky. There was not one cloud up there. Only the sun and endless blue. He felt himself relax, suddenly realizing how beautiful this winter wonderland surrounding him was. He had never really admired the winter. He didn't like the cold. But the blue sky, the white trees and the glistening icicles hanging from the branches were pretty.

The firs stood close to each other like a majestic silent army, protecting the animals that were living in their tops, the bark or deep down under their trunks. There were funny white little heaps of snow with bushes underneath and high drifts of snow everywhere. Daniel realized he had never been in this  part of the woods much before. It must be fun to hike around here in spring when everything was green. When it was warm and sunny. If they wanted to spent time in the woods when he had been big, they'd gone to Minnesota and spent their downtime there. They had spent some time hiking the forest around the Mountain during breaks when they needed fresh air. But this part of the woods, Daniel knew little about. 

Jack turned and looked at him. "You okay back there?"

"Uh-huh. If you go any slower I'll fall asleep though," he teased.

"Oh, yeah? Maybe we should let Flyboy pull the sled. He wants to run."

"Do you think he could do that?" Daniel asked, feeling childish excitement about that.

"I wouldn't count on it." Jack grinned and called the dog back. He took the leash shorter and started jogging. Flyboy let out a happy bark and ran along, staying level with Jack. Daniel nearly fell from the sled. He scrambled upwards, holding on to the backpack. He started laughing when snow flew away from Jack's boots and hit Daniel's legs and the backpack. 

"Faster," he yelled before he could hold back. "Come ON!"

The sled jumped up and down a few times when they crossed a hidden tree root or a bump in the frozen ground. Daniel cheered each time it happened. All dark thoughts seemed to back off into a far corner of his mind and he let his kid side enjoy the ride. 

He took a deep breath of the cold clear air. It smelled like winter and trees. The whiteness around him was almost blinding. He thought about putting his sunglasses on, like Jack had done after he’d left the truck. But then the colors wouldn't be right anymore. And he wanted to see the beautiful white around him and the blue above him. He wanted to see the snow glistening in the sun. And the cloud that was forming in front of his mouth when he let out small huffs of breath. He remembered doing this as a child, pretending he was smoking a cigar on his way to school in the winter months. 

In the end they were both laughing and Jack stopped running when the path led uphill.

"Are you getting tired already?" Daniel quipped when he saw the colonel breath e a little more heavily. 

"Wanna change positions?" Jack answered as he was pulling Daniel up the hill.

"Uh, no, thanks. I'm just fine where I am," Daniel snickered.

"Just you wait until we're up there," Jack grinned and fell into a faster pace again.

When they reached the top of the hill, they stopped and took a short break to look around. It wasn't a high hill so all they could see were lots and lots of trees, mostly firs.

"What kind of tree are we looking for?" Daniel asked.

"I guess best would be a Blue Spruce," Jack said and handed the sled string over to Daniel, who automatically grabbed it. Jack took the backpack from him and put it on.

"What does it look like?" Daniel wanted to know while his eyes darted over all the trees around them.

"Well, actually I think it looks a little like a pyramid. The shape is something like that. It can grow very old. Eight hundred years or something. So it's somewhat ancient. And it can get about 100 feet high. It looks silvery, or bluish gray, kinda."

"Wow. An ancient pyramid tree? How cool is that!" Daniel snorted and then added, "I just wonder how we’ll manage to fit a 100 feet high tree in our living room."

"Goofhead," said Jack affectionately.

He pushed the sled forward and told Daniel to hold onto the string and place his feet firmly on the runners. It was then that he realized what was going on. And the way down seemed suddenly a little steep.

"Um, Ja-ack... Are you sure this is a good idea?" Daniel said doubtfully.

Jack looked at him, eyes worried. "Are you afraid?"

"Um... No, I don't think so," he replied after a moment, with a slight smile. He hadn't been sledding in ages. But Jack wouldn't send him down a hill if it could be dangerous. And even though he couldn't remember if he really liked sledding that much the first time around, he suddenly wanted to do this. 

"It's gonna be cool. You wanted to go faster - now you get faster. Hold on, kiddo. Going down noooow..."

With a last push, the sled started sliding down the slope. It was fun. It was just over all too soon. When he reached the bottom of the small hill, he turned and saw Jack coming down after him with Flyboy at his heels. The dog jumped on the sled as soon as the two of them reached Daniel. Laughing, he tried to escape the wet tongue slobbering over his face and the strong paws almost knocking him over. 

"Heeeey, stop it... " giggled Daniel. He threw his arms around Flyboy's neck and together they slumped into the snow. After they had tussled with each other for a moment Daniel was panting and laughing so hard that he had to take a break. Jack brushed the snow off him and untangled the leash from the dog's legs.

"I wish I could let you run, big guy. But the rangers won't like that. Sorry," he told him apologetically. Flyboy cocked his head to the left and then let out a yelp that sounded as though he was very sorry for himself. Jack laughed and got a biscuit out of his jacket pocket. "Here ya go... good boy."

"Can't we go down the hill together?" Daniel asked suddenly. He realized that he would love to do some sledding with Jack. "We could tie Flyboy to a tree and tell him to guard the pack. The hill isn't that high. He can see us from here and won't get upset."

"Oh, I don't know. What if he thinks we'll leave him?"

"Remember how Jackson left him with the guy in the tomb? He understands," Daniel said confidently. He grabbed the leash and guided the dog over to a fir tree. "You stay here and guard the pack, okay?" he told him as he attached the leather rope to the tree. Flyboy let his ears twitch, but didn't seem to be worried or upset. He sat down in the snow and watched his humans as they went over to the sled.

Daniel kept talking to him, telling him that he was a good dog and that they would be back soon. 

When they were halfway up the hill, Jack turned and looked back.

"Look at that, Daniel," he said and pointed down to where Flyboy was sitting totally still next to the backpack. He didn't pull at the leash or whine after them. He just sat there, his eyes following them. They had never tried something like that before. Usually Flyboy didn't want to be left alone. But somehow being told to "guard" something seemed to make a difference. 

"I knew he'd understand," Daniel grinned. 

"Yeah. Why doesn't he think he needs to guard the house when we're not home?" Jack muttered. 

"I like having him with me on base. And he'd be home alone for so many hours."

A moment later they reached the top of the hill.

When they went down, Daniel felt the wind around his cap and cold air in his face. They held onto the string together and steered the sled so it would stay in the middle of the path and not crash into the snowdrifts. 

He felt Jack's legs holding him in place when the sled suddenly seemed to fly over a bump in the ground and then come back down with a thud. Daniel had a funny tingly feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was a little like when he had jumped on the bed in Cairo. He felt the sled almost topple over to the side, but then both runners were back on the ground and they slowed down as they reached the bottom of the hill. 

When they came to a halt, Daniel leaned back against Jack and tried to stop giggling. "We almost crashed!” 

"It was close, yeah," Jack chuckled.

"That was cool. Can we do it again?"

"For someone who doesn't like snow, you're having a lot of fun," Jack mused, getting to his feet. 

"I know. Odd, isn't it?" Daniel answered a little shyly. "Maybe the right company makes all the difference." 

Before Jack could answer that, Daniel grabbed for the string and pulled the sled back up the hill. They both looked down at the dog, who was sitting next to the pack like a statue, waiting patiently for them to return.

Then they were on their way down again.

And again. 

And again. 

Daniel cheered louder every time they went down. He just couldn't help it. It was so much fun. And Jack was yelling crazy stuff like, “Heeeere comes the dream team O'Neill/Jackson!” or “Everyone get out of the way! Here comes the champion!” 

Finally, Jack got the dog and the pack. Then he sat down on the sled and pulled a thermos and two cups from the pack. When he opened the flask, Daniel could smell something blissful and hot. He closed his eyes and sniffed. "Coffee," he sighed.

Jack handed him a steaming cup and smiled. "I thought you'd like that. There are sandwiches."

They drank the coffee and ate the sandwiches while Flyboy enjoyed the pig's ear Daniel had given him. Then Jack asked him: "Why didn't you tell me?"

Daniel wiped the coffee steam from his glasses and blinked. "Tell you what?"

"That you wanted a Christmas tree."

Daniel sighed and played with his cup. "I don't really..." 

"You could've just said something."

Daniel gazed into his coffee. He didn't know what to say. He didn't want the tree, did he? Jack was the one assuming Daniel wanted a tree. And that was not true. He was okay with it. But he didn't need one. 

"There's nothing bad about wanting a Christmas tree, Daniel. Or having a turkey," Jack said softly.

So if it made Jack happy, they'd have a tree. It was no big deal. When Daniel didn't say anything, Jack nudged him with his knee. "Hey. What's up?"

"I think... having a tree is nice," Daniel said slowly.

"Then let's get one."

**II**

A few minutes later Jack stopped the sled and studied the high trees to their left.

"What do ya think? One of those would be good."

Daniel got to his feet and took over the sled, while Jack put his backpack on. They pulled the sled off the path and into the forest. When they walked through the deep powdery snow, he could see several stumps where people had already chopped their trees. He heard saws roaring again and warning calls for tree fall. And there were several rangers crossing the path. One of them, a red-faced, impressively-built guy with a gray mustache came over and tipped his gloved hand at his hat in greeting.

Flyboy immediately got to attention and tried to place himself in front of Daniel. Jack got hold of his collar and calmed him with a couple of words. 

"Did you find your tree, guys?" the ranger asked in a friendly manner. 

"Nope. We're still looking," Jack told him.

"What are you looking for?"

"Spruce," Jack said.

The ranger nodded and waved at them to follow. They stepped out from among the higher trees and were standing on a clearing.

"Did you know that the Colorado blue spruce is the official state tree of both Colorado and Utah?" Jack asked Daniel while he took a good look at the spruces around them. 

"No. For a guy who hates trees, you know a lot about them," Daniel teased while he struggled not to stumble and fall into the snow. 

"I don't hate trees. Only trees that are not... here," Jack explained, wagging his eyebrows. Daniel knew he was talking about off world trees. 

Jack grabbed Daniel's arm when he almost lost his balance. One of his legs had sunk in and he got close to losing his boot when he pulled it out. The snow was much deeper here than on the path, and his short legs seemed to get stuck in it all the time. Sledding had been fun, but walking in the wet stuff was annoying. Walking in deep sand wasn't fun either. But at least sand wasn't cold and wet. 

They followed the ranger over to a medium high group of trees.

"These should do," the man said.

Jack nodded, selected a tree and looked at the needles. "Looks nice. Not too high, not too big."

Daniel went around it. He took one of his gloves off and brushed his fingertips over the branches. There were icicles hanging from them.

"Be careful. Those needles are pretty sharp."

"Oh. That's why they are called pungens, I guess. It's the Latin word for sharp," Daniel pointed out and then yelped when one of those pungens pricked his thumb. He looked up to the treetop. The spruce had a bluish silvery color and would look great in their living room. 

Jack was examining the bark to make sure the tree was healthy and that there were no spider nests or other nasty surprises in it. At the same time he tried to prevent Flyboy from running around the tree and getting tangled in his leash. Finally, he turned around and asked: "So what do ya think, Daniel? This one?"

He was about to say yes, when he saw the squirrel in a much higher spruce  close to the one they just selected. The little mammal was hiding between some of the upper tangled branches. It looked down at him with dark eyes, the brown bushy tail wound around its body like a warm scarf. It must have left its knothole to come down and find some food. Was it living up there? 

"Um... Jack?" Daniel asked, still gazing upwards. The squirrel turned and then it was gone, probably back into its warm and safe hole where it would wait until the intruders were gone.

"What?"

"Can't we shovel the tree out and plant it back in after Christmas?" Daniel asked.

Before Jack could answer him, the ranger shook his head. "Sorry, guys. But the ground is frozen and we don't have the right equipment here anymore. You should have come in November. We had living trees for sale here then. You could try a Christmas tree farm if you want a living tree. Maybe they have some left that are already dug out and in pots."

"We could do that," Daniel said.

"I don't think we have enough space left in our yard for another tree, Daniel. They grow big, you know," Jack pointed out.

"Maybe we could plant it in Sam's garden then. Or in Janet's. Look. These trees harbor animals. Even the small ones. Like bugs and spiders and beetles. If we cut it and take it home, it will die. I didn't think of that," Daniel explained.

"Well, these trees are selected for chopping, young man. Don't you worry about it. We make sure there are enough left for the fauna. We take care of things like that," the ranger said kindly.

"But this tree will still be dead  and it’s so very young, " Daniel answered quietly.

"If you don't chop it, somebody else will," the ranger pointed out.

"But it wouldn't have been me," Daniel argued.

"Look, kid. These forests are under protection. That's why we only allow people to chop trees in selected areas. Where the forest would get too tangled. If all those trees grow up to their natural heights, they would steal each other’s light and ground to grow in. That's why we chose areas where trees can be cut down. Don't feel bad about it. It does no harm to birds or squirrels," the ranger explained. 

Daniel got impatient. He was aware of the forest and wildlife protection. Yet, he suddenly didn't see any sense in cutting a tree when there was a possibility of having one with roots. One that could be planted and grow up somewhere.

"Those trees can get hundreds of years old," he explained solemnly.

Jack, who had listened until now, put a hand on Daniel's shoulder. With a tight smile at the ranger, he said: "I think we'll take this one."

"No. No, we won't. We’ll find a Christmas tree farm," Daniel objected.

As if to support his words, Flyboy let out a growl and placed himself in front of him again. 

"Make sure your permission tag is on it," the ranger said and then walked away, shaking his head, probably feeling very sorry for the poor guy who had to put up with that little brat. 

Jack handed the leash over to Daniel and said: "Tie him to a tree. I don't want him to get loose."

Daniel frowned. "Why? He won't leave my side." 

Jack looked at them and then sighed. "No. Probably not. But if he starts to pull and tries to drag you somewhere because he gets upset when the tree falls..."

"I don't want that tree," Daniel repeated stubbornly.

Calmly Jack came over and took Flyboy's leash from him, then tied him to a sturdy fir. The dog didn't look very happy about it, but didn't give any resistance either. His eyes were darting back and forth between them, his pointed ears twitching nervously. 

"Go over and sit on the sled. I don't want the tree to hit you," Jack ordered, ignoring everything Daniel had just said, as he pulled his ax out of the backpack.

"Did you hear me? I. Don't. Want. That. Tree!" Was he talking Ancient or what? 

"Oh, I hear you, Daniel. I just chose not to listen - now get out of the way, will you?"

Daniel staggered backwards and automatically sat down on the sled. He stared at his friend, who was now swinging the ax. "Jack!"

Jack had already raised the ax. Now he sighed and lowered it again. "Daniel?" 

"Um... Please?"

"Look, I didn't come all the way to chop a tree just to turn around now," Jack finally told him with a scowl. There were red spots on his cheeks from the cold - or maybe he was getting angry and the redness had nothing to do with the crisp air. Jack glared at him. Then the glare turned into a look of resignation, and finally he leaned the ax against the spruce and rubbed his gloved hands together. "It's Christmas tomorrow, and we don't have the time to drive from farm to farm to hunt a tree. We need to go shopping, too, and it'll get dark in a few hours. I won't buy a tree I can't even see properly." 

Daniel sighed.

He could see Jack's determination crumble. Daniel didn't do the "puppy dog eye thing" as Jack called it on purpose. Mostly. It was just the way he looked when he wanted something real bad and was sure he was right about it. If Jack wanted a tree so badly, he should at least listen to Daniel and get a living tree. Because this hadn’t been Daniel's idea, after all. He could do without a tree, thank you very much. 

"It's such a waste. Look at it, Jack. One day there might a raccoon family living in it," Daniel said thoughtfully. And it really might be true. Raccoons could live in trees. Suddenly he  wondered how Nashi was doing. The Trasamians had let them know the little raccoon lived in the forests around their city now and that they saw him around for the feeding hours. He seemed happy there. But he had no mate and would never have little babies. Maybe they should take a female raccoon to the planet. 

Why hadn't they thought about that? The little mammal must be lonely without a mate.

Jack tilted his head and gave the tree a long look. Then he started walking around it. For a moment Daniel couldn't see him anymore. When he came around the spruce, he was holding something in his hands and there was a wicked grin on the older man's face as he said, "You know what you get for trying to make me give in to this?"

Daniel frowned. "Um... what?"

"This!"

He saw the snowball coming. Weeks of training with a certain Jaffa warrior made Daniel jump aside in a flash. He landed in the snow, rolled away, and grabbed a handful of snow, forming a ball while he jumped to his feet. Throwing his ammo at Jack, he yelled, "That's dirty play, O'Neill!"

Jack ducked back behind the tree, but fired a new snowball at Daniel first. "You say that? Giving me those baby blue eyes.... talking about raccoon families?"

Daniel ran for cover behind another spruce. He started forming snowballs in a hurry and ducked his head when a salvo of snow hit his tree. "You're mean," he yelled. "I'm just a little kid!"

"Yeah, right," Jack laughed from somewhere behind the spruce that was supposed to be their Christmas tree. 

Daniel took his hat off and stuffed it with snowballs. That done, he crawled from tree to tree, hoping to get Jack from behind. He'd show him! 

"Oh, Daaaniel, where are you?" Jack sing songed. Then Daniel was hit by several balls on his back. "Gotcha!"

"In your dreams," Daniel screeched. He jumped up and started plowing through the snow, kicking away the white wet lumps with his boots as he tried to run. He felt cold dampness at his feet. The snow was making its way into his boots. But Daniel didn't care. He found a new big tree and leaned against it. Breathing heavily, he quickly turned and looked out at the clearing 

No Jack. 

Flyboy started bark ing and pull ing at his leash. Daniel was about to leave his cover and go over to the dog, when he spotted Jack who had left his hiding place and was now an easy target. Daniel waited until Jack had turned his back on him and was talking to Flyboy. Then he started throwing his snowballs at the colonel's back as he sprinted across the clearing.

"Daniel Jackson O'Neill scoooores!!!" Daniel yelled when Jack went down under the attack, making dramatic choking noises while he flailed his arms and finally fell backwards into the snow.

"Ow. Ow, crap! I'm hit... I'm... down!"

Flyboy had stopped barking and was standing there, his head cocked to one side, when Daniel jumped Jack and sat on top of him with a triumphant grin on his face. "Down goes the big bad colonel! Beaten in battle by Daniel Jackson O'Neill!"

"Ya think?" Jack looked up at him, his face one huge grin.

"Yep!" Daniel ducked when he saw Jack's hand coming out of the corner of his eye. The snow didn't land in his face, but on his head. And then Jack grabbed him and shoved the handful of snow down into the collar of his jacket. 

"Jaaack!!!"

Jack rolled them over so he was hovering over Daniel now, a smug twinkle in his brown eyes: "Jackson O'Neill 1, O'Neill 1 - you giving up?"

Daniel felt wetness on his neck and in his hair. It was uncomfortable and cold, but he couldn't stop laughing and shaking his head no, while he shoveled snow up with his hands and threw it at Jack's head. He never, ever, had so much fun in the snow. Forgotten was the tree and everything else. Jack howled and let him go, covering his head with his arms. He slumped into the snow beside him, playing dead again. Daniel turned to his side and gathered more snow with his hands. He scrambled over to Jack and dumped the armful of snow on his friend's face, then started rub bing it in with both hands until Jack was spluttering and yelling at him to stop it. 

"Jackson O'Neill 2, O'Neill is screwed," Daniel chortled and jumped up.

"Jackson O'Neill gets his ass smacked in a second," Jack growled. He spat out snow and surged to his feet with amazing speed for an old man.

"Oh, the Big Bad Colonel is back!" Daniel started running. He made a leap over the sled and vanished between two trees. But his escape ended abruptly when he lost the ground under his feet. He slipped and the world turned upside down before he fell head first into a high snowdrift. For a brief moment all he could feel was cold wetness on his face and hair. He got a mouthful of snow and he almost lost his glasses. With a yelp, Daniel raised his head and shook it wildly to get the snow off his hair and out of his collar. He could feel melting snow run down into his fleece shirt. 

Then he was lifted up and out of the drift by the collar of his jacket and the back of his pants. Daniel spat out snow and something that tasted like frozen earth along with fir needles. 

"Daniel, you okay?" Jack's chuckling voice came from somewhere above him. 

"Nooo! I'm not! I'm wet! And cold! Let me down!" The fun was suddenly over, and Daniel started kicking and squirming in Jack's grip. He had been scared for a moment when he was stuck in that snowdrift. He could still feel his heart pound like a jackhammer.

"Hey, be careful or I'll drop you," Jack laughed. "Did you hurt something?"

"No!"

Jack put him back on his feet and started brush ing snow from Daniel's pants and jacket. "You sure you're alright, kiddo?"

"Yes!" Daniel shook Jack's hands off and marched over to the sled. His pants and jacket were soaked and he had lost his hat. His gloves were wet, too. He jerked them off his hands while he stalked over to the sled. He had almost reached it, when he slipped again and landed on his butt. 

*******

When Daniel sat in the snow, glaring at him, his face red with embarrassment, Jack couldn't stop himself from laughing. Daniel knocked down on his butt, short legs kicking air had been quite the sight.

"Hey, you wanted me to let you down," he grinned when a very angry and very wet Daniel Jackson O'Neill finally got to his feet and came over to him.

Without a word, Daniel sat down on the sled and then let out a low yelp. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and bit down on his lip. He got up again and plucked at his wet jacket.

"Daniel? Did you hurt yourself? Are you okay?"

Jack touched his shoulder.

"I'm fine," Daniel spat, his eyes not leaving the ground.

"You sure?" 

"Yeah."

Jack pulled off his own cap and placed it on the kid's bowed head. He was worried. He hoped Daniel wouldn't catch a cold with all the wet clothes and he was sorry for laughing at him. It had been funny though. He looked at the sky. It was cloudy now and the sun was nowhere to be seen. It looked like it might start snowing anytime. The sooner they were out of here, the better. 

Oh, yeah. And they had to find a living tree. O'Neill rubbed his hands over his cold face. He wasn't really giving in to this, right? He had told him they wouldn't go tree hunting all over the Springs. Period.

Daniel stood in the snow, wet all over and sniffling. 

If they hurried, they could make it home, get the kid into some dry clothes and then stop at a Christmas tree farm on their way to the grocery store. The tree might not be as pretty as this spruce. But it would be a tree Daniel loved and was happy with. It would be their first Christmas tree since they had known each other. 

Crap. He was so screwed.

O'Neill went back to put away his ax and strap on the pack, then he got the dog. When he returned to the sled, Daniel was still standing there, looking miserable. 

"Alright, let's go and get you a living tree. But I'm not driving from farm to farm. Just so you know; we go to the next best farm and there you're going to pick your tree. Understood?" Jack growled at him. 

"Thanks," Daniel sniffed. 

Then he started cry ing . 

Big crocodile tears were running down his cold little face. Jack gaped at him for a second before he put his hands around the back of his head and hugged him close. Daniel sobbed into Jack's jacket, arms co m ing around Jack's middle as he leaned heavily against him.

What the f...?

Jack patted his back. "Look, Daniel. I'm sorry I laughed when you fell. We're going to get you a tree. It's no big deal."

"This whole tree chopping was a dumb idea anyway," the kid hicccuped.

"No, it wasn't.  We had a lot of fun. You're just cold and wet. Come on, buddy. Let's get you on the sled and back to the car." 

Daniel made no attempt to let go of him. He buried his cold face deeper into Jack's jacket and mumbled something. Jack pulled him back to look at him. "What?"

"I can't sit down," Daniel mumbled, sniffing again. "I hit something when I... fell on my..." 

"Ouch. Where?"

"I think... Tailbone."

"Oy. You think you can go belly down on the sled so I can pull you back to the truck?" Jack asked, worried. 

A little nod was all he got. 

"Or I could call base and ask for somebody to come out and pick us up right here?"

"No. Oh, no. Can't we just go home?" Daniel whispered, blushing hard.

Jack helped him to lie face down on the sled. 

**III**

Half an hour later Daniel was in the truck next to Jack, a thick blanket under his butt. It didn't seem to help much though. He was pale, and his lips were pressed together into a thin hard line. It was no expression that belonged on a child's face. At least Jack could heat the truck up so the kid wasn't cold anymore. 

"We'll drive in and let Fraiser take a look at it," he decided.

"No way is Janet going to see this," Daniel hissed.

Jack couldn't blame him. Hopefully the thick snow pants Daniel was wearing had been enough of a cushion to prevent the worst. 

"I'll call her. Maybe she can come over. That way you won't have to face all those nurses in the infirmary," Jack offered. He wouldn't argue about that with his little genius, embarrassment or not. Right now, however, he just wanted Daniel to get out of the cold and wet clothes. 

"You mean I won't have to wave my ass in the air in front of everybody," Daniel said sourly. 

Jack snorted. Then he fingered the phone from his jacket and hit speed dial for the infirmary.

"It's just a bruise. It'll go away in a few days," Daniel muttered and then yelped when the truck hobbled over some snow bumps.

"Sorry," Jack winced. When he had Fraiser on the line, he explained the situation to her while Daniel was muttering some things under his breath - in a language Jack couldn't and wouldn't understand.

Janet listened and said, "I want to do an x-ray. It could be broken."

Oy. "He's wearing snow pants, jeans and long underwear. Maybe it's just bruised," Jack stalled.

"Colonel, I want you to bring him in," Janet said firmly.

"We thought you might come over... he doesn't want to come..."

"Tell her no! Tell her I'm okay," Daniel hissed. 

"He's not happy..." Jack started.

"He's Daniel," Janet shot back. "I don't expect him to be happy. I expect you to act like a responsible adult and bring him in."

Jack winced at the sharpness in her voice. He glanced at Daniel's outraged expression. Double Oy. "We're on our way," he sighed finally and shut his phone down.

"We're on our way? Jack, you said she'd come over," Daniel railed.

"She wants to take an x-ray."

"X-ray my ass!"

"You got it in one, kiddo," Jack couldn't resist a smirk when they turned left towards the mountain. 

  
  


Daniel walked stiffly on their way down to the infirmary. Jack had made another call and they had met Teal'c at the checkpoints where he took over the dog. 

Doc was already waiting and ushered them to one of the beds. She pulled the curtains closed to give them some privacy before she turned to Daniel and told him to strip. "You can leave your shirt on. Just from the waist down to your underwear," she said.

"I... I really don't want anybody else in here, if that's possible," Daniel demanded, an embarrassed blush all over his face.

"I think we can handle this with a minimum of people involved," Janet promised. Then she asked, "How did it happen anyway?"

Daniel started peeling himself out of his layers of clothes, letting everything drop to the floor. When he had pulled his scarf and jacket off, he opened the clip fastener of the snow pants’ shoulder straps. They were the expensive kind of snow pants; the ones from REI clothes for the Antarctica trip. They were supposed to be one hundred percent waterproofed. Well, of course, it didn't work when the snow made its way into the pants. 

Daniel answered the doc's question. "I slipped and fell. Must've hit something. A stone or a tree root. The snow was very deep." With a sour look at Jack, he added sharply, "And it was not funny." 

Fraiser gave O'Neill a suspicious look, her eyes narrowing. "You didn't laugh at him, did you, Colonel?"

"I'd never do something cruel like that," Jack assured her with mock indignation while he crouched to help Daniel out of his boots.

Daniel let out a harrumph and shoved the thick pants down his waist, then froze and bit his lip. Jack pulled them down and over his feet. He did the same with Daniel's jeans and long underwear. Daniel's underpants and his boxers were still dry, which was an upside. 

Even Janet seemed to wince sympathetically at the sight of Daniel's struggle when he tried to climb onto the bed. Jack gave him a hand and the kid didn't even protest. When he was settled on his belly, the doc asked, "What were you doing?"

"We were sledding and chopping a Christmas tree," Jack explained while he placed Daniel's clothes on a chair. 

The doc raised her eyebrows, and a smile appeared on her face. "Really? Does that mean we'll have a tree with baubles and lights for Christmas?"

"Uh... No," Jack muttered. "We had to leave when Daniel fell on his..."

Janet looked sad for a moment. "Oh. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well. Daniel would rather have a living tree anyway, so..."

"But did you enjoy the sledding?" Janet asked the kid as she put on a pair of gloves.

"Um, yeah. Was fun," Daniel told her. "And I beat Jack in a snowball fight. Which he started, of course. He's such a little kid sometimes."

O'Neill saw the doc smile at that before she told the Wretch, "I have to pull your shorts down. That might hurt a bit. Then I'll examine it, and after that we’re going to do an x-ray, okay? Colonel, will you wait outside, please?"

Daniel let out a groan and closed his eyes. 

Jack patted a small tensed shoulder. "I'll be right back." 

He turned to leave, but stopped at the distressed young voice. "Jack..."

Doc looked down at Daniel's hand clutching Jack's wrist. "Never mind," she said with a soft smile and very carefully proceeded while Jack stroked Daniel's hair.

When she was done probing and prodding, Fraiser said. "I'm sorry, Daniel. I know it hurts. But I had to make sure its not broken. The coccyx is the triangular bony structure located at the bottom of the vertebral column. It’s made of 3 to 5 bony segments held in place by joints and ligaments. I don't think you broke it. But to make sure, I still have to do that x-ray. I'll get the room ready."

When she had left, Daniel let out a shaky breath and let go of Jack's wrist. "Thanks for staying."

O'Neill looked down at him, remembering how hard it had been for Daniel to give in for his need for comfort at the hospital in Cairo. "Thanks for letting me," he said quietly, pulling a blanket over the small body. 

Janet returned a moment later. When she saw that they were ready she pulled the curtains away and rolled Daniel's bed out and over to the x-ray room. "I'm sorry, Colonel, but you can't go in there with him," she said apologetically.

"I'm fine now," Daniel muttered. He even managed a small smile in Jack's direction. God, he looked so pale and vulnerable. A little boy huddled under a gray military blanket. O'Neill gave a weak smile back at him and watched the door close. 

He started pacing the corridor, glaring at the gray walls and the closed door. What was taking them so long? It wasn't broken, right? Couldn't be. Then again, this was Daniel they were talking about. Daniel the trouble magnet. Breaking his tailbone the day before Christmas would just be something that happened to Daniel. 

When he turned to pace the corridor once more, Carter came running around a corner, her blue eyes wide with worry. "Colonel," she greeted him. "Teal'c told me Daniel got injured. Is everything all right?"

"It was an accident. But he's going to be fine."

"What did he hurt, sir?"

"Oh... let's just say he won't sit down very comfortably anytime soon."

She grimaced sympathetically. "How...?"

"We were out chopping a tree and he slipped, fell into a snowdrift and probably hit a rock." 

"Why do things like that always happen to Daniel?" Carter sighed, shaking her head.

"Whumping kid, remember? Written on his forehead," Jack muttered. 

When the door to the x-ray room opened and Daniel was rolled back into the other room, Carter flashed him a bright smile. "Hey, Daniel. How're you doing?"

"I'm fine, Sam. Thanks. Or I will be. Nothing's broken." Daniel even managed to return her smile. 

Fraiser gave them a relieved nod. "I'll go and get his medications."

Jack asked Carter to get some dry clothes for Daniel from the locker room. Fraiser hadn't mentioned anything about him having to stay the night. So they would be out of here soon. Once the major had left, Jack was about to rush to his kid's bedside when he spotted Jackson coming down the corridor towards him. O'Neill  waited by the door when the archaeologist approached him. That guy didn't look good.

"Hey, Jack," Jackson mumbled, his eyes red-rimmed and his whole face scrunched up. "Um... Is Janet in there?"

"She's getting meds for Daniel," Jack answered casually, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pants. 

Jackson blinked. "Daniel? Is he... um, is he alright? What happened?"

"He'll be fine," Jack said, then cocked his head and asked, "What happened to you?"

"Me? Oh. Nothing, really. Just... uh..."

"Headache," Jack guessed. He remembered that look. 

"Yeah." Jackson yawned, then winced and rubbed a hand over his eyes. With a little smile, he rushed past O'Neill and went looking for Janet.

Shaking his head, Jack crossed the room. Daniel raised his head and looked at him with weary eyes when he pulled the curtains aside and stepped in. 

"Hey," he said and reached out his hand.

Jack took it and squeezed gently. "Hey."

"Hurts."

"No kidding, eh?"

Fraiser brought the medications. "Here's Ibuprofen for the pain. And you have to put an ice pack on the bruise four times a day for fifteen to twenty minutes. Try not to sit too long on it. If you have to sit down, lean forward so you won't put too much pressure on the tailbone."

"Can I come to work after the holidays?" Daniel asked, hope and doubt in his voice. 

Doc clucked her tongue and looked a little sorry. "I'll take a look at you when we're over tomorrow night and then again after New Year’s. But I'm afraid you have to stay home for a while. A tailbone injury needs time to heal. And sitting all day at your desk won't help it aside from the fact that it'll be painful. You may work at your laptop at home if you lay on the couch. Maybe we can get you a doughnut cushion. It has a hole in the middle to prevent the tailbone from contacting a flat surface." 

"Great," the kid sighed. “I do have a couch in my office though. I could take my laptop and work from there,” he said hopefully.

“We'll see. You got lucky. You could have broken it," Janet said sternly "You two should be more careful."

"But I really had a great time," Daniel said.

At this, her face softened. "Which is the most important thing. I just hope you didn't catch a cold in the wet clothes." 

Before Jack could assure the doc that he'd call her if Daniel got sick, Carter was back with the dry clothes. She dropped them on the chair and turned to look at Jack. "Sir, I've been thinking. Dad will arrive early in the morning. We want to spent the day together and take a walk. He hasn't seen snow in years and he wanted to see the city’s Christmas decorations, too. We won't have to be at my brother's place until lunch. Do you think we could ask him to... I mean, we have that healing device here. I'm not sure I could do it. But my dad can. And I think he would. If Janet gave her okay to this..."

Jack raised his eyebrows and looked at Daniel. "What do you think?" 

"Uh... I don't want to get favored treatment. I think I shouldn't," Daniel mumbled. "It's Goa'uld technology. Remember what happened with the sarcophagus?" 

"You won't get addicted to the healing device, Daniel," Janet assured him. 

"Yeah. It's Christmas tomorrow, and I need you to help me get everything ready. You can't just li e around being lazy while I'm doing all the work," Jack pointed out jokingly.

"I can't do that, can I? Leaving you all alone with it," Daniel grinned a bit strained.

Fraiser tilted her head and thought about it for a moment. Finally she said, "Well, if your father is willing to do this, Sam, I won't object to it. But only because it's Christmas tomorrow and only if General Hammond approves this. When is your father scheduled to arrive here?"

"At oh five hundred."

When Jack and Janet stared at her in disbelief, she shrugged: "There's a time difference to the new Tok'ra homeworld."

"Okay. I suggest you stay here for the night then, Daniel. When Jacob arrives, he can take care of it. That way you'll be home and well again for breakfast," Janet decided briskly.

"Do I have to?" Daniel sighed, sending pleading looks towards Jack. "I want to go home."

"Hey, what's a night in the infirmary if it means you're going to be fixed like this?” Jack snapped his fingers. “I get us something to eat and we get comfy around here. How's that sound?"

"That's a good idea. And while you're staying the night, I'll give you something for the pain over an IV line," Janet told him. "And I'm sure the colonel will help you with the ice pack, so I won't have to send one of my nurses in here. I'll get the IV. Then I go and talk to the general. "

The doctor left and Carter followed her out once she'd promised Daniel to stop by later. 

The kid wasn't a happy camper, but he didn't object anymore. He just put his head back down onto the pillow and closed his eyes. Jack pulled a chair over to the bed and sat down. He started stroking his hand through Daniel's hair, brushing it off his forehead. Daniel had his face half buried into the pillow again, but Jack could feel the tremors going through the small body. He bent forward and lowered his head until his mouth was near Daniel's ear. "Hey, they're all gone now. On a scale between one and ten for reasons to cry, this is... eleven, I think."

"Sorry," Daniel whimpered into his pillow. He balled his hands into fists, clutching the bed sheets.

Stilling his hand in the kid's hair, Jack frowned. "What for? It wasn't your fault."

"We won't have a tree now. And no turkey," he whispered. If Jack hadn't been so close, he wouldn't have heard him. 

"Don't you worry about that, kiddo. We're going to have a great Christmas," Jack assured him. "You're going to be okay. That's important. Everything else we'll figure out tomorrow."

Daniel took a deep breath. "'kay."

Jack rubbed the nape of Danny's neck and said, "I'm hungry. What do you want? And don't say nothing. They won't have nothing on the menu. As soon as Fraiser's hooked you on the happy drugs, you better eat something."

Daniel pulled a face. "Jack, I'm really not..."

But whatever he wanted to say was interrupted by loud voices from the other side of the curtains.

"Is this really necessary, Janet? It's just a headache. I'm fine. All I need is some Tylenol. Or Advil. Or... "

"Doctor Jackson, your blood pressure is low, your pink eye is back - do I have to guess how long you've been wearing your contacts? You are overworked, overtired and I'll make a bet you haven't eaten in at least two days. I want you to stay at least until the headache is gone and your blood pressure has gone back to normal."

"I had lunch," Jackson argued.

"What did you have? Lay down here, please. Did you drink enough - and I'm not talking coffee," Janet chided him.

"I had... I... Something. And yes, I'm drinking. Come on, Janet. I promise to go and eat, then sleep at least seven hours." 

"You sure will. Eat and sleep. Right here.  Here, take these. They are  for your headache.”

Jack fiddled with Daniel's blanket and tried to be as still as possible. Maybe he could hide under the bed? Or Thor could get him out of here right now?

"Colonel?"

Right. 

Where were the Asgard when you needed them anyway? 

"Doc?"

"Would you mind bringing Doctor Jackson something to eat when you're at the commissary? I'm a  bit short of nurses over the holidays, so it would be very kind of you to grab something for him, too, while you're getting a meal for Daniel, " Fraiser asked him sweetly from the bed next to them.

Peachy, just peachy. “Yeah, okay,” he muttered.

Daniel tugged at the sleeve of Jack's shirt. "Bring me a cheese sandwich and some cookies, please?" 

Jack's large hand cupped Daniel's face, feeling the traces of tears from when he had cried before. "I'll be right back. You okay with doc and her needles for the IV?"

"I'm a big boy, Jack. Lots of experiences with Janet's needles."

O'Neill stepped out from the safety of Daniel's bedside and was greeted by a scowling man in the next bed. Fraiser scribbled away on her chart. "You need to sleep more. Less coffee and more food," she muttered.

"I will sleep. I'd sleep much more comfortably in my own quarters," Jackson demanded, his red-rimmed eyes glaring at Jack – like this was his fault.

"And when will you finally get yourself a decent place to live? You can't stay on base all the time," Fraiser sighed when she hung the chart at his bed.

"Teal'c lives on base," Jack chimed in before he could stop himself. 

"Teal'c goes off world at least. And he has friends who live outside the SGC and invite him, Colonel," she said sharply. Then she patted Jackson's blanket and left with clicking heels. 

O'Neill pursed his lips and placed both hands on Jackson's bed frame, staring at the pale, tired face for a moment. "What do you want?" he asked bluntly.

"Out of here?"

"No can do. You look like crap."

"That's touching."

"Fraiser wants you to eat. So?" 

Jackson shrugged. "Sandwich, something sweet. Whatever. Coffee." 

Jack let out a snort. "Yeah. Right. Forget it. Water? Orange juice?"

Jackson shrugged. "Whatever."

Shaking his head, Jack walked out.

While he waited for the elevator, he couldn't keep his thoughts from wandering back to adult Daniel. Jackson still lived in his VIP quarters. He had gotten clearance to leave the base and find a place to live. But somehow he chose to stay. Jack noticed the guy had stopped running away if they accidentally met in the commissary or somewhere else on base. They were still avoiding each other though. But they had been in awkward situations before and he had started to get used to seeing the other guy around. At least they both had lost the deer in the headlight expressions on their faces when they ran into each other now.

O'Neill had walked in on Jackson and Teal'c, sitting in the commissary together, a couple days ago. Jackson had been hunched over a book, hands wrapped around a cup of coffee, and Teal'c had had one of those "little snacks" he often enjoyed in the afternoon. Jack had nodded at them, gotten his own coffee and walked out without even batting an eyelid. He’d never asked T what they had been up to. Jack could be pretty ignorant if he chose to be.

So what Fraiser had just said wasn't even true. Jackson had company, right? Teal'c was great company to hang out with. And Jack was sure there were more. The marines always used to like Daniel. And Ferretti, too. His fellow geeks  at the linguistic and archeological department  surely were there for him. 

He was a grownup, for crying out loud. If he wanted company, he'd find friends for himself. He didn't need a babysitter. And he didn't need Jack to make sure he was sleeping and eating. Or not working too long. 

The elevator arrived and the  colonel leaned against the wall and watched the door close. For a moment he just stared at the panel with the buttons. Then he pushed the one for level 19. He needed to talk to T and Carter first. 

*******

Janet had hooked him on the IV. She had tucked the blanket around him and advised him to stay on his belly if possible. Daniel watched her leave after she'd told him for the third time to call her if anything was wrong. And that Jack would be back shortly. 

What was Jackson doing here? Daniel sighed. He would just pretend to sleep. Jackson had taken his own pills and soon he'd probably fall asleep. That meant they didn't have to talk at all. 

"Daniel? Are you all right?"

Okay. Maybe they had to talk for a little while until Janet's magic-medical cocktail would  at least  send  one of them  to dreamland.  Or until Jack was back with food. 

Daniel craned his neck, but all he could see were the stupid curtains around his bed. Not that he wanted to see Jackson anyway. 

"Accident. Fine," he choked out. That thin little squeak didn't come from him... it couldn't... He pressed his flushed face into the pillow. He heard movements and then the curtains were pulled away.

"What happened?" Jackson's worried voice was now coming from next to his head. 

Daniel ground out a, “Would you mind staying in your own bed and leave me alone?”

“I’m sorry, but I need to know you’re okay. We can’t allow anything to happen to you,” Jackson said tightly.

Oh, great. 

He cleared his throat, deciding he had to say something. Because the other Daniel wouldn't go away. "I fell in the snow and hit my back. But it 's better now." 

There was a warm hand awkwardly patting his back. Daniel tensed. He didn't want to be touched by the other guy. He flinched away, but it didn't exactly go over well with his back. Groaning, he flopped back down flat on his face, which sent another wave of pain through his spine. 

The hand was pulled away. "I'm... uh, sorry."

"'s okay. Just hurts. I'm fine." When were those meds kicking in?

Daniel heard Jackson pull a chair up to his bed. Oh god. He wouldn't, would he? After another moment of silence, the other Daniel cleared his throat and said, "When you're out of here, I'd like your help with something, if you don't mind, of course. But I've been working on this for days now and I'm stuck."

Daniel turned his head a little. He could see green fatigue pants and a black shirt now. He blinked and let his eyes wander upwards a little more. The man who looked back at him was in bad need of a shave and shower. And sleep. And his eyes...

"Do you ever wear your glasses? That looks really bad, you know," Daniel mumbled.

"Oh. I... actually, I don't. Janet gave me a prescription for glasses. I just never got around to get them." He shrugged, a lopsided smile on his face. "I don't need them when I'm not working. Well, not much anyway."

"You didn't get yourself new glasses?"

"Um, no. When I'm not working, I'm usually sleeping. Or eating. I'm fine. The contacts..."

"You've been wearing them for too long." Daniel stopped, shaking his head. This was insane. He wasn't telling himself what to do and what not. "What do you need my help with?" Talking about work was safe. And normal. They did talk about work-related things.

"Oh. I'm working on translating a map. There's that planet SG-11 went to two weeks ago. The surface is deserted. But once, there had been a whole civilization. They brought back maps and documents which are hundreds of years old. I'm determined to find out what they say. There might be technology hidden somewhere, too,  maybe underground ." 

"I'll take a look at it, when I'm... fixed," he promised.

"Fixed?"

"They'll ask Jacob to heal me," Daniel explained.

"Oh. That's great."

Daniel didn't answer. Instead he let his eyes travel over the man sitting at his bedside. Aside from the fact that he looked beat, Daniel suddenly noticed that this Doctor Jackson was built more broadly than Daniel used to be. Or maybe not. Maybe he just looked more buff to him. He had never watched his own biceps like that. But even now while Jackson was slouching in the chair, Daniel could see his t-shirt stretch over taut muscles. He wondered if Jack had noticed it, too....

He moved his head so he was looking down at his bed sheet again. The pain in his back seemed to be getting a little better. He assumed the cocktail of pain meds was doing its thing now. 

"Did you... die again after you got big?" Daniel wanted to know. Or maybe he didn't want to know. But the question was out before he could hold it back.

Jackson didn't answer at first and Daniel thought it might be better that way. When his counterpart finally spoke, his voice was very quiet. "No. Others did. But it's not important. It won't happen again, now. You are doing the right thing, Daniel. Please, believe me, I can imagine how hard it is. I can't really 'know', because I don't remember. I'm getting a picture of how it might be for you. But it's a good choice. It's the right thing to do. And it won't be forever."

"I know. It's not that," Daniel said, swallowing hard. Being a kid for two more years was something he could live with. If someone had told him from the start that there was an end in sight for this, he might have been able to enjoy this past year a little more. It wasn't such a high price for saving the world.

It was the fact that Jackson had stolen his life from him. His identity. Daniel knew that, when he was big again, the government and the Air Force would figure out a cover story to make them both legal citizens. But only one of them could be the "real" Daniel Jackson in the end. And he couldn't stay Daniel Jackson O'Neill either if he was growing from ten to thirty-something that fast. So he had to "die" again. And then come back as what... Daniel Jackson's long-lost twin brother? 

Jackson seemed to sense what Daniel was thinking. He said quietly, "I'm sorry. Maybe once all this is over, I can convince General Hammond to send me to another planet where I can stay. There are countless possibilities out there for me. I have no right to stay here and take your place. And I won't."

Daniel squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and fought the feeling of anguish that threatened to overcome him. He wanted to be mad at this man for making things even more complicated than they had been before. But he couldn't. He couldn't blame him. Jackson was right. It was the right thing to do for Daniel to stay little for a while longer and help defeat Anubis. There was so much at stake here. Everything else was so insignificant right now. Thin g s were going to develop the way they should. Jack would say they'd cross that bridge when they came to it. 

After another moment of silence he couldn't resist looking at Jackson again. He could see lines in the other’s face and the hard edges around his eyes. There was something in that Daniel's eyes... 

Jackson had told them about their escape to the Alpha Site once Anubis had attacked Earth in his time line. That people - good people - had died in the battle. But he had refused to give them names. Hadn't given away more than necessary.

Daniel had seen enough worlds conquered by the Goa'uld. In Jackson's time line, Earth was one of them. Countless people had to suffer. Friends, colleagues and so many more. Most of them face- and nameless to him. But every man, every woman and every child that had died during the attack, or was enslaved later, had had a life and maybe a family. 

"It wasn't your fault," Daniel whispered, and his hand automatically reached out to the man next to him. When their fingers touched it wasn't awkward anymore. He felt his hand gently held. It was comforting. It was good. 

"I could have saved them," the man answered flatly.

"You didn't know," Daniel said urgently.

"Pierson tried to warn me."

"You had no idea what was going to happen. You said it yourself; you got mugged before Pierson was able to convince you. And you couldn't know you were going to lose all your memories after getting back your adulthood. That's why you came back here. To prevent that from happening again. And you did," Daniel said, squeezing the other's hand.

"Daniel, I..." Jackson started hesitantly. Then he shook his head and let the boy's hand go. "It's not important anymore. Everything's going to be different. You'll be fine. We will. At least, that's what I hope."

"Yeah. Me too," Daniel mumbled.

They fell silent again. It was very quiet in the infirmary. There were voices coming from another room. Probably the nurses on duty, discussing something or sharing the newest gossip. All the other beds were empty and the light was dimmed. It was night now. Daniel had lost track of time. He often lost track of time at the mountain. Even after all these years, he sometimes got lost in his work or just wasn't paying attention to the time. There were days when he reached the surface and expected it to be dark, but in reality it was still light - or light again. 

He didn't get to work into the night very often anymore, except when Jack was off world. And even then somebody showed up to remind him to go to bed or eat. Mostly it was Janet. But Jack made sure Daniel was taken care off. So from time to time, it was Walter or Siler who stopped by, telling him casually what time it was and asking him if he had dinner. 

He carefully moved his body a little, relieved when the pain in his back stayed on a bearable, dull level. He was already tired of lying on his belly all the time. 

"You should go back to bed," Daniel told his older self.

Jackson smiled. "Yes, I should. Wait a minute. Are you mother-henning me?"

"No, I'm just saying. Janet will chew you out if she sees you sitting here."

"I know. How did you hurt your back?"

Daniel reluctantly started tell ing Jackson about Jack's idea to get a tree and take the sled with them. He told him how they had gone down the hill and that Flyboy hadn’t made a fuss about being tied to a tree. While he was recalling their argument over the tree and how Jack had then started the snowball fight instead of letting Daniel provoke him, he found it more and more easy to talk. He grinned when he described how he had attacked Jack and how they'd rolled around in the snow. 

Jackson listened and didn't interrupt him once.

"Well, and then I was running away from Jack and fell into that snowdrift. I was pretty wet and got mad. I suddenly remembered that I really don't like the cold and snow. So when Jack picked me up to get me out, I told him to let me down ASAP. He did and then I slipped again and that was it," he ended with a shrug.

"That sounds like a lot of fun. Sorry you won't have a tree now, though," Jackson said.

Daniel yawned. "Yes. I wanted Jack to have a tree. I don't need one. I don't really get all the fuss about Christmas anyway. Jack seems to want a real Christmas this year though. He even wants turkey. I had something else in mind. But he's all into turkey with sweet potato casserole. Now we'll have the salmon after all. He said he's going to stay the night here, and tomorrow we won't have enough time to get everything together, I guess." 

Daniel frowned when Jackson let out a low chuckle. "What?"

"You’ve wanted a Christmas tree since you were eight, Daniel. When you saw the decorated trees on Times Square for the first time, it was all you ever wanted for Christmas. A tree just like that. With all those lights and baubles and silver stars. And when you got to your first couple of foster homes, you always hoped you'd get a family and a Christmas tree," Jackson told him with a sad smile.

"That's not true," Daniel hissed, feeling his ears getting very warm. He'd never wanted a tree. And he'd never wanted a new family. He never felt at home anywhere after his parents had died. 

"Yes. You did. It just never happened. There were trees, but never the family to go with it. But now, Daniel, now you have that family." 

"And that's more important than the tree, gifts or a turkey," Daniel muttered. "I don't deserve this anyway. It's not like I’ m a good kid or something." 

Jackson snorted, which made Daniel grin. They looked at each other again. Jackson blinked. He bent forward and studied Daniel's face for a moment. "How does this... feel? I'm sorry, I shouldn't probably ask this, but..."

"This body? I'm used to it now. The rest... " Daniel shrugged. "Sometimes it's horrible. But sometimes it's... okay."

"Is it ever... good? Being Jack's..."

"... kid?"

"Yeah. How does it... with all the..."

"... memories?"

Jackson nodded, blushing a little. He lowered his gaze, apparently not able to meet Daniel's eyes any longer. The boy didn't know what to tell the man. He tried to turn on his side and groaned when his back protested. Finally he just said, "It's getting better." Then after a second, he added, "We're doing counseling."

"I know. I actually continued to see her after my resizing. I also met McKenzie. We tried to reach my subconscious with hypnosis. It didn't work. It's really all erased. The Ancient knowledge, the year as a child. There's nothing there.  Well, maybe faint echos of... feelings... subtle... changes, but no memories. "

Daniel thought it was ironic that he sometimes wished he didn't have his adult memories. Instead he would loose his memories from the downsizing after he got big again. 

Jackson rubbed his temples. "When they told me what happened... That I had been a child for  over  a year. God, I laughed at them. I didn't believe them. I thought they were joking. The last thing I remembered was being on that planet. And before that, Jack and I were home and getting ready to go in. We were..."

"Don't," Daniel warned, his voice barely audible. He didn't need to hear how he and Jack had spent the last few hours when they had both been men. He had worked too hard to get rid of the self-destroying need to play those last hours over and over again in his mind. 

"Sorry. I'm an idiot. I didn't mean to..."

Blue eyes met another pair of blue eyes, and Daniel swallowed hard at the loneliness he saw. He was about to tell Jackson that it was okay, when the clicking of high heels was heard in the stillness of the room. A moment later a stern-looking Doctor Fraiser appeared at Daniel's bed. 

"I have good news, Daniel. The general granted our request of Jacob healing you. What's going on here? Doctor Jackson, why aren't you in your bed?"

"Janet. Hi. We... err..."

"We're just waiting for Jack," Daniel finished the sentence. “So we can eat.” 

Jackson grinned. "Right. Waiting for Jack."

Janet frowned. "Speaking of Colonel O'Neill... why isn't he back yet?"


	2. Holidays II

**IV**

"Anything else you need, sir?" Carter asked with just a little sigh. She stared down on the long list of things Jack had ordered her to buy.

"Yep. We need... stuff."

"Stuff?" Teal'c asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Baubles, angels, lights, tinsel... deco.. stuff."

"You don't have any Christmas decorations, sir?" Carter sounded alarmed now.

Jack threw up his hands in frustration and snapped, "Of course I don't! Why would I? Not doing Christmas here, remember? Sara kept all the things."

Sam picked up the pen from her desk again. "What do you want us to get, sir?"

"What?"

"What decorations? The color of the baubles? You want tinsel or angel's hair? A spray for faked snow? Straw stars?" she pointed out patiently.

Jack messed up his hair with his hands when he rubbed them through it. "Red would be right - right?"

"Red? Do you think Daniel likes red?" Carter asked doubtfully.

"What's wrong with red?"

When she just shrugged, Jack rolled his eyes. "Gold then?" 

"White," Teal'c's deep voice interrupted them. "It is the color of the winter. And it is not overbearing. Silver also seems to be a good choice. I believe DanielJacksonO'Neill would not want the tree to be overbearing... kitschy." 

Carter tapped the pen against her lips and nodded slowly. "Teal'c has a point. Straw angels are great, too. And no tinsel. Too much. I bet he likes to see the tree under all the decorations."

"I have seen a most elegant Christmas tree on Martha last week," Teal'c told them. 

"Martha? Who's Martha?" Jack asked, puzzled. Did he miss something here?

"Martha Stewart is the host of an American Talk Show. She also has a website with various guidelines of how to properly decorate a Christmas tree. Are you aware that the origin of the Christmas tree has little to do with the meaning of Christmas in the religious way of the Tau'ri? The modern Christmas tree originated in Germany. The Germans took the idea from the Romans. The Romans, however, gained the knowledge about it from the Babylonians and the Egyptians." 

Carter looked surprised. "Really? I didn't know that."

"The Babylonians believed that there was an  _ evergreen tree which sprang out of a dead tree stump _ . The old stump symbolized the dead Nimrod, the new evergreen tree symbolized that Nimrod had come to life again in Tammuz. Among the druids the  _ oak _ was sacred, among the Egyptians it was the palm, and  _ in Rome it was the fir _ , which was decorated with red berries during the Saturnalia. The Christmas tree is from Egypt, and its origin dates from a period long anterior to the Christmas Era," Teal'c  lectured, sounding suspiciously proud of himself at Jack's and Carter's dumbfounded faces.

"Nimrod... what?" Jack raised his eyebrows.

"Nimrod was a biblical figure. He is, however, considered a false god. Genesis 10:9 says of Nimrod that he was a mighty hunter. He tried to replace God. Nimrod said he would be revenged on God, if He should have a mind to drown the world again; for that he would build a tower too high for the waters to be able to reach Under many names, mankind’s earliest and perhaps greatest rebel has been worshiped throughout false religion. Ancient Israel kept falling into serving the many false gods that Nimrod represented," Teal'c explained, then asked, "Was this not mentioned in the audio book of the Bible you told me about, O'Neill?"

Jack blinked, trying to remember when he had told Teal'c that he had an audio book of the Bible. Carter looked like she wanted to roll on the floor laughing. She bit her lip and shook her head, then decided to give in and grinned. "Wow, Teal'c. I'm always amazed at what you know about our customs and myths."

"DanielJackson was very helpful in that matter, MajorCarter. Most aspects of Christmas are not referred to in the Bible. The Christmas tree, however, is mentioned in the Bible. For the customs of the people are vain: for one cuts a tree out of the forest. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not. They are upright as the palm tree.” 

"See? Gold. Told ya so," Jack said smugly. Then he checked his watch and realized how late it was. He clasped Teal'c's broad shoulder and said airily, "T, my man. You go out and show Carter here what a great Christmas tree has to look like. I have to feed the Daniels." 

Teal'c bowed his head: "I will certainly do so."

Carter looked up from her list. "The Daniels?"

"Yep. They're both down in Janet's care and she demanded they both eat something."

Her mouth formed a silent. "Oh."

Jack handed his keys to his 2IC. "Bring the truck back in one piece. And don't let the dog from the safety harness as long as he's in the truck."

"Yes, sir. And you're sure we shouldn't decorate the tree for you? So it is all set up when you and Daniel come home?"

O'Neill had been thinking about that back and forth. He shook his head. "No. Daniel and I will do it together. There'll be enough time if you guys show up an hour later than planned. Just put everything for the tree in the living room. Then you get what I told you to and get back here. You okay with taking the dog in for the night, T.?"

“I am.”

They parted at the elevator, and Jack headed to the commissary to get the sandwiches, cookies and drinks. 

When he returned to the infirmary, tray in hand, the curtains around Daniel's bed were open. He was still lying on his belly, but raised his head when he heard Jack coming. In the bed next to him, his grown-up companion was sound asleep. 

Daniel smiled at Jack and watched him put the tray down on the bedside table. He sat on the chair next to the bed and handed Daniel his cheese sandwich. 

The munchkin looked at it. "Can I have the cookies first, please?"

"One. Then sandwich." Jack picked up a cookie and handed it to Daniel. 

"Thanks, Jack." 

O'Neill watched him eat his cookie and then nibble on the sandwich. He mentally went over the grocery list he had given Carter for the turkey and the sweet potato casserole. He hoped he hadn't forgotten anything. He had tried to remember what he'd read in the magazine and added a few things he remembered Sara had used for a turkey. Carter wasn't any help since she had never prepared a turkey herself. Teal'c suggested they search the internet for the recipe. They had done that and found so many different variations of turkey recipes that it was hard to choose. They finally settled for one that looked similar to the one Jack had found in the magazine. 

When  Daniel had made it through half of the sandwich  J ack noticed his eyes getting very sleepy. He gently removed the bread from the kid's hands. "I'll go get the icepack from Janet and then you can sleep, okay?"

He got a yawn and a nod. "Can you give me the juice, Jack?"

Daniel pushed himself up on his elbows. But it obviously hurt, so he settled down again, groaning. Jack held the glass for him and Daniel reached for the straw and popped it into his mouth. When he was done, he squirmed and wriggled until he found a comfortable position again. "Janet said General Hammond  will  allow Jacob to heal me."

"Nice. I had no doubt he would though," Jack smiled, tucking the blanket around Daniel's shoulders. 

He placed the empty glass on the nightstand and got up to search for Janet. 

The CMO was in her office, writing reports. When Jack entered, she looked up and frowned. "What took you so long to get something to eat? Daniel needs sleep. And Doctor Jackson fell asleep before he could eat his dinner."

"Sorry, Doc. I had to organize some things with Carter and Teal'c first," he replied, feeling like a little boy who was late for school - again.

The frown on her pretty face deepened even more. "Colonel, I know you avoid Doctor Jackson and vice versa. But this is really ridiculous. All I asked you to do was bring him something..."

"Aht," he interrupted, holding up a finger to stop her in mid-rant. When she looked at him expectantly, waiting for an explanation, he said, "Daniel wants a Christmas tree. I'm staying here, so..."

At this, her face brightened and she smiled. She pushed back her chair and waved at Jack to follow her out. When she handed him the icepack and a bottle of massage oil, she said, "You're good for him, Colonel. He's come a long way."

"Yeah. Thanks." He turned and was about to walk out, when she called after him. 

"Jack..." She rarely called him by his first name. 

He felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise and didn't turn around to face her. "Doc?"

"I think you should know Doctor Jackson was sitting at Daniel's bed when I came to check on them a while ago," she informed him, her voice not giving away anything.

He felt his eyes narrow. If that guy was trying to talk Daniel into another funny adventure like the Antarctica trip, Jack had news for him. "Jackson upsets Daniel," he muttered. 

"Daniel seemed fine. Actually, I think he's handling this far better than you," Janet said gently, but firm ly . Jack gritted his teeth and walked out.

Daniel looked at him with drowsy eyes. He grimaced at the icepack. "If Selmak is going to fix it tomorrow, why do I need..."

"Because now it hurts, right?" Jack asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

"Well, yes, but..."

"And it will help. So stop arguing."

"Yes,  _dad_ ," Daniel mumbled.

O'Neill snorted and resisted the urge to cuff the blond head a little. He pulled away the blanket and lowered Danny's shorts just so the bruised area of skin was exposed. Wincing at the blue bruise that had begun to spread over the upper part of Daniel's bottom, he very carefully rubbed a small amount of massage oil over the area where the ice pack would go. He could feel Daniel tense and hold his breath. It must hurt like a bitch. The oil was necessary so his skin wouldn't get burnt by the freezing cold. Then Jack placed a thin, damp flannel towel on his back, and on top of it went the ice pack. Daniel was familiar with the treatment because he was familiar with bruises of all kinds, so there was no need to talk the procedure through. 

"How does it look?" Daniel asked.

"Blue and nasty," Jack answered. "You okay, Space monkey?"

"Uh-huh. Feels good. I'm glad you’re doing it and not a nurse," Daniel slurred and yawned. With a little luck, he would be asleep soon. Jack sat down on the chair again. He pondered asking Daniel what he and Jackson had talked about. But there was time for that later. A small hand reached out for him, and he covered it with his own. 

"You can go home when I'm asleep, Jack. You don't have to stay here all night. I'm okay. No nightmares when on drugs," Daniel said.

"You don't know that," Jack worried.

"Do too."

"I'm staying. I'll get some sleep in my quarters later. T. took the dog in."

"'kay," Daniel nodded. "Tell him thanks."

Ten minutes later Jack removed the ice pack and returned it to the freezer. Then he sat down again, watching his kid sleep. Daniel moved and moaned a little, then quieted again. He had to be in pain, even now. Jack knew exactly how that felt and cringed in sympathy. They were both  way too experienced with physical pain. Jack only hoped there would be no nightmares tonight. 

He stretched out his long legs and wriggled around in his chair until he found a comfortable spot. He leaned back and watched the IV bag hanging over Daniel. Little droplets of fluid wandered through the thin flexible tube leading to his wrist. The last time he had sat here, Daniel had been brain dead after the maniac robot lady crushed his head against a wall. A shudder ran down O'Neill's spine. Gazing at the mop of blond hair and the small form under the blankets, his mind went on a journey of its own, giving him images of retirement and things he could do with Daniel... things he'd loved to do with Charlie... like playing basketball, fishing, exploring the woods, camping... or things Daniel would like to do with him... traveling to Europe maybe... they had gone off world a lot while Daniel had been big. But they had never left the USA for vacation... if there was more time... 

He must've fallen asleep. Because the last thing he remembered was thinking about Daniel and the next minute - or so it seemed - there were moans and mumbled words, followed by a louder groan and the noises of someone tossing and turning in his bed. 

Still half asleep, O'Neill acted on auto pilot. He got up and staggered over to the other bed, rubbing a hand over his tired eyes. Jackson was throwing his head from side to side, panting harshly, while his hands clutched the covers and jerked violently at them. Jack tried to get through the fog of his own sleepiness as he stared at the broad chest heaving with shaky breaths.

Jackson let out a whimper. Jack stepped forward and put a tentative hand on his chest to still him. "Jackson," he hissed. "You're having a nightmare. Come on, wake up!"

He had done this a thousand times before. He was still doing it for the child in the other bed. Jack's calloused hand wandered upwards until it rested on top of Jackson’s head. He let his fingers roam through the short dark hair. “Jackson, hey, it's just a dream, c'mon, wake up.” 

His hair seemed to be darker than Daniel's had been - before. Jack hadn't touched Jackson once. And it had been over a year since he had touched his adult Daniel... yet, his mind connected with the physical contact and Jack was flooded with memories and images. It was like a reconnection which would lead to opening doors... doors that better stayed closed. He jerked his hand away. He was so not going anywhere near... there. Instead he shook the guy's shoulder in a more direct attempt to wake him.

The man muttered something incoherently, but his restless movements calmed immediately. O'Neill let out a relieved breath and took a step back, when he heard one word clearly in the mumbled litany.

"J'ck."

He froze in place at the desperate murmuring. It was impossible to turn his back on him now. Jack bit down on his lip. 

"Jack..." 

"Damn you," Jack whispered as he put his hand back on the younger man's body, squeezing his shoulder. "Snap out of it. It's just a dream, you hear me?"

"Jack?" Blue eyes opened slowly, searching for him, still unfocussed and half asleep. Jackson blinked, groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose as he came fully around. He stared up at the ceiling. "Sorry."

"You okay?" Jack asked gruffly.

"Yeah. Just... a nightmare. I should go and sleep in my quarters. There's no need for me to stay here anyway." With that, Jackson threw the blankets off and started getting up. He wore a black shirt and wrinkled blue BDU pants. 

Janet was going to rip Jackson a new one if she found out. But what the heck, that wasn't really Jack's problem, right? If the guy wanted to get in trouble with little Napoleon, fine. He wouldn't hold him back. He wasn't his caretaker. 

But then, Fraiser wouldn't stop at Jackson if she found out he had left and that Jack had let him leave. This was so not good. 

"Hey! You're not going anywhere. Fraiser's going to have our hides if you go and I let you.” He pointed at the tray. “There's dinner. "

Red-rimmed eyes blinked at him. "I'm not hungry. And if you're afraid of Janet, just tell her I didn't let you hold me back." 

"I'll call her so she can restrain you to that bed."

"Why? Shouldn't you be glad I'm out of here?"

"Well, there's that... aw, fer cryin' out loud," Jack huffed, shaking his head. He didn't need this. He had his hands full with one of them, thank you very much. If Jackson wanted to go, Jack couldn't care less.

" At least e at your sandwich before you go." The colonel didn't know what exactly convinced him, but the archaeologist reached for the plate and took one of the cookies instead of the sandwich. He took a bite and started chewing slowly. "Thanks for waking me," he said after a while. 

Jack settled on his chair again, picked up the remains of Daniel's sandwich and took a bite. It tasted like a paper bag. He put it back on the plate and said, "Yeah. Thought you'd wake the kid."

But Daniel was still asleep, his breaths deep and constant now. 

When Daniel slept he looked very little. All the problems and issues his overactive brain was dealing with all day were gone then and he would sleep on his side, curled up with Amab firmly snuggled to him. Jack was often tempted to take a picture of the kid like this. Relaxed, content and peaceful. Maybe he'd do it one day before this childhood thing was over. 

Jackson finished his sandwich, rolled to his side and pulled the blankets back over his body.

An hour later Janet came in and checked on both Daniels. Jackson looked like he was asleep again. But Jack knew better. He had seen him toss around and stare at the ceiling just a few moments before. 

"Did I ever show you pictures from when I was a kid?" Jackson's voice suddenly cut through his thoughts shortly after Janet had left them again. 

"No. You always said you didn't have any," Jack automatically responded.

"I did. There was an album in my..." He stopped, then shrugged. "I think it's in storage or gone by now."

Jack mumbled, "He has a storage unit rented with lots of his stuff. Maybe it's there."

"Might be. Um, what I was going to say was; he really looks exactly like I did when I was his age. It's kinda scary. Jack, uh, you... took pictures of him, me, when... oh, and you showed me. But still, this is... weird."

"Ya think?" Jack didn't want to have this conversation. Because the weird thing for him was seeing Jackson - not the kid. He was used to Daniel like this now. He had grown to accept things the way they were. Having Jackson here was wrong on so many levels. He just wasn't able to wrap his head around the fact that this was Daniel, too. That he was back. While the child was still here. That, in some warped way, his wish had come true.

Having them both.

Except it turned out to be a living nightmare. Because Jack had no idea what to do with the guy. He couldn't just give Jackson a buddy hug and welcome him into his life, have him spend time with him and Daniel, invite him over for hockey on Friday or let him crash on his couch. No way. It wasn't going to work. Neither he nor Daniel were ready for this in any possible way. 

"You should go back to sleep," he said wearily. 

"Yeah."

They fell silent again. O'Neill felt his back starting to protest against the hard chair. He was just about to doze off again when there were quiet footsteps, and a moment later a tall shadowy figure made its way across the room.

"O'Neill," Teal'c's low voice reached him. "It is I. I have what you requested. MajorCarter went home. You will be pleased with our choices."

"Thanks, T." Jack rubbed his eyes and sat up straighter. He glanced over at Jackson, who stared at the object in the Jaffa's hand, his mouth forming a silent "Oh."

"Are you not well, DanielJackson?" Teal'c wanted to know.

Jackson blinked and shook his head: "I'm fine, Teal'c. Thank you. I had a migraine attack. Janet wanted me to stay." He sat up and pushed his covers away. "Excuse me, Teal'c. Is that Daniel's?" He got up and came over, extending a tentative hand towards the plushy thing that stared back at the humans with beady, brand-new, dark eyes. Jack liked the new eyes. They were shiny and brown. He also liked the new fur, since it was soft now and not shaggy and rough anymore. The ears and tail were pretty nice, too, without Flyboy's teeth marks on them. 

Jackson touched the bushy tail. He shook his head: "It looks like a cuddly toy I had when I was little - the first time around."

Before Jack was able to say anything, Teal'c handed the monkey over to Jackson with a bow of his head: "It is indeed the same toy, DanielJackson. It was severely damaged by old age and the dog. O'Neill took it to a toy surgeon."

"It's a teddy bear doctor," Jack muttered, feeling the heat rise in his face. He suddenly felt a little stupid. He hadn't been able to throw Amab away. Daniel had tried to be all mature about it when he'd given him the rotten monkey. The fact that the Wretch wasn't able to throw it away himself told Jack more about his feelings than anything else. So he had put the beaten, ugly, old toy back into the box in his closet - and a few days later he remembered that Sara had once taken Charlie's favorite bear to a teddy doctor to fix him.

The teddy doctor had assured him Amab would be as good as new, and a couple of days ago Carter had picked the monkey up – to make sure Daniel wasn't going to see it before Christmas - and Jack had smuggled him back into the house in a covert op. The timing had been perfect and Jack hoped the kid was going to like this "new" Amab. He had wanted to surprise him on Christmas. But Daniel might need his stuffed friend while Jacob fixed him. And it was, after all, the Night before Christmas. 

Jackson held Amab in his hands and stroked over the soft fur. The color was a little different. Not that Jack really knew what the original color had been. When he had pulled it out of that box with Daniel's things, it was a mix between brownish and gray. Now his fur was dark brown, the belly and face white. He also had a new smiling mouth and his nose was a black knob.

"My mom bought him for me, when I was five," he whispered in amazement, tracing the round head and fiddling with the longer hair between the ears. 

O'Neill couldn't help but stare at the six foot guy, fondling the stuffed toy between trembling hands. "I had no idea," Jackson said, shaking his head. Then he walked over to where Daniel was sleeping and very carefully tucked the monkey into the boy's arms. Daniel automatically hugged Amab and buried his nose in the fur, breathing a contented sigh as he did so. 

Jack watched Jackson brush a strand of hair out of Daniel's face. Something was not right here. It took him a moment to figure it out. When it finally hit him, he blurted out, "Wait a minute. You don't know about the monkey?" 

"No. I wasn't a kid anymore the Christmas after Egypt, remember? The time line has changed.”

“But he got the monkey before we went to Egypt.”

“It wasn't in the journals," Jackson said quietly. “I didn't know he... I... kept it when I cleaned out the apartment to live with you. And it never came up when Jack told me what had happened.” 

“It never came up? What about all that stuff in your room at... my house? You didn't pack it up? You didn't take a look at any of it?”

“I don't recall the monkey being at Jack's house, no. I'm really tired. Janet won't let me leave in the morning if she thinks I didn't get enough sleep.” He returned to his own bed and pulled the covers back over him. 

Jack exchanged a glance with Teal'c, who merely raised an eyebrow and said, "Do you wish me to take your place at DanielJacksonO'Neill's bedside?"

Jack let out a low moan as he got up from the chair and shot a last look at the slumped figure on the other bed. "Yeah. Come and get me if he needs me or when Jacob arrives." Before he left, he patted Daniel's head one last time and thanked Teal'c for staying with him. 

The Jaffa nodded and settled into Jack's chair. 

Awhile later, O'Neill was stretched out on the bed in his base quarters. And while his knees and back were almost sighing in relief, sleep didn't come. He gazed up at the ceiling, 

Jackson didn't know about the monkey. Daniel didn't write about it into his journal. So what? Amab was his sleeping toy and belonged to Daniel. Like all of his things, which were either in his room now or stored away  at the warehouse, waiting until he was big again. 

Once Daniel was big again, Jack would make sure he got all his stuff back - no matter if he remembered it or not. They would talk about this, right? There was just no way they'd deal with this any other way. Maybe they were even going to see Svenson for a while to work all of this out. 

There might be no future for them as lovers after all this time. But they still had to get back to normal. To being friends. Because that's what they were in the first place. Where it all started. Daniel had been his best buddy long before anything else had happened. They had a strong foundation that would help them handle it. Would help Jack handle it. He'd get over the fact he’d lost another kid. And it wasn't as if he hadn't known about it. Borrowed time. No need to dwell on that one. 

Daniel would still be there. Just big again and without any memories of this. In for Friday nights with hockey and beer, maybe coming out to the cabin with him again. Or sitting in a bar, doing nothing but staring into their drinks and letting the universe pass by. Helping each other fix things around their houses. Wow. Daniel would have a house again. Or a new apartment. They could hang out there, too, then. Doing buddy things. 

Jack missed the buddy things. Some of them at least. They were still doing a lot of what they used to do before. But it wasn't always the same. 

So yeah, he missed them. Sometimes equally as much as everything else. 

And later he would miss the daddy things. 

Groaning, he rubbed both his hands over his tired face. This was going nowhere.

Bottom line was; if Jackson didn't know about the monkey or all the other important things Jack would've told him about... there could only be two reasons. Either the future O'Neill was even more fucked up than Jack was now, which would mean he screwed it somehow. In that case, Jackson and his Jack were not even friends anymore. Hence the no talking. 

Or Jack's future self was dead.

None of it made any sense whatsoever. Even if O'Neill was dead in Jackson's time line. Even if they were so estranged from each other that they weren't talking anymore... What about Teal'c and Carter? Fraiser? They'd tell him everything, right? Except they were all...

Wait.

Jack blinked up at the dark ceiling, one hand absently rubbing his aching temple. The picture still didn't fit.

If they had all died during the Anubis attack... It didn't make sense. There was time between Dan... Jackson's resizing and the attack. Jack knew Daniel. No matter which one. Daniel would ask questions, would want to know what he had lost. He was too curious and too stubborn to just accept that he was missing a whole year of his life. So he would ask all his friends. And they had no reason not to tell him about the child he had been. 

So something else had happened between Jackson's resizing and Anubis' attack. 

"I don't need to know," Jack whispered into the stillness of the room. The time line had changed, right? He pulled the pillow out from under his head and slapped it over his face as if it would help to stop his train of thoughts. 

**V**

Daniel woke with a start when somebody patted his shoulder. It was, however, not so much the hand on his shoulder that ripped him out of sleep, but the pain that shot through his back when he stirred. Groaning, he closed his eyes and mumbled a few Abydonian curses. Then he buried his face into the pillow. "G'way."

"Jacob is here, Daniel."

It was Janet. When he moved his head and looked at her, she fiddled with the IV line and smiled down at him. She looked tired. 

"Where's Jack?" Daniel asked, blinking away the sleep.

"I'm here, buddy," a hoarse voice answered him from somewhere. Jack appeared next to Janet. He looked wrinkled. Even his face seemed to be wrinkled. "How ya doing?" 

"Peachy. Just peachy," Daniel groaned.

"Oy. That bad, eh? When you start channeling me, it must be real bad," Jack grinned.

Daniel was about to make a smart remark when he realized he was holding something in his arms. It was half buried under his body, squashed to the mattress. Carefully he pulled it out. It was plushy and grinned kindly at him. It was Amab. He was soft and squishable, had new fur, a new face and a new tail. New ears, too. For a moment Daniel just stared at it before he looked up and noticed everyone who was standing at his bedside.

Jack, Teal'c, Sam, Janet, Hammond and Jacob. They were all looking at him, suspiciously sappy smiles on their faces. They could all see him hug his favorite cuddly toy and Daniel knew exactly how he looked to them right now. He looked little. And cute. 

Carefully, he settled down again, pressing Amab to his chest even more. He missed the old dusty smell a little. But only a little. 

"You need to keep it away from the dog," Jack muttered.

"Yeah, I know," Daniel whispered. "Thanks, Jack."

At that, Jack started almost beaming, the weariness leaving his eyes. Daniel smiled back at him, feeling a lump in his throat for some reason. He looked over to the other bed, but Jackson was gone. Janet followed his gaze and explained, "I let him go. He slept most of the night and promised to come back later for a final check. He is watching your dog right now."

"Oh," Daniel said, absently stroking his monkey. "He's our dog."

Jacob took a step forward and put a hand on his back. "Hey, Daniel. You picked a good time to get into this mess. Good for you I was in the neighborhood."

Daniel blushed when he suddenly realized Jacob hadn't seen him like this before. He cleared his throat and hoped his voice wouldn't squeak or sound too childish. "Uh, hey, Jacob. Merry Christmas. Nice to see you."

Sam's dad raised his eyebrows and tilted his head. "They were right. You are darn cute. Tell me your secret? I could use a fountain of youth. At least to get some of my hair back."

"Dad. You didn't have any more hair when I was a teenager," Sam said. "Mark and I always wondered which of us would end up losing hair as soon as you did. Obviously, it's not me."

That made Daniel giggle. Jack spun around and stared at his 2IC. "Carter," he quipped, "I didn't know you're such a brat. Just now, you sounded almost like Daniel."

Sam grinned. "Thank you - sir."

"Wonder where all my hair went?" Jacob said dryly. 

Janet looked questioningly at General Hammond. When he gave a nod, she handed the Goa'uld healing device to Jacob who took it and pulled it over his hand. He bowed his head, and when he looked up again, his eyes flashed for a moment. 

Selmak adjusted the device on his hand. "This will probably be painful, Daniel."

Sam's smile faded and she looked worried now. She and Jack both echoed, “Painful?”

“It will be over quickly, but it might hurt as long as it takes.”

Daniel swallowed hard, trying not to jump out of the bed and hide behind Jack, or worse, beg him to carry him out of here. "Okay," he said, his fingers digging into Amab's fur.

"We will wait outside, son," Hammond assured him. "I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. And your team needed to give you backup."

"Thank you, sir. Merry Christmas to you, too. I want Jack to stay though."

Sam smiled sweetly at him and brushed her hand over his head. "You'll be jumping off this bed in no time, Daniel."

"Remember how pain can be controlled by your mind," Teal'c told him. Then his face and eyes softened as he added, "I am confident that Amab and O'Neill will  _have your six_ ."

"Thanks, guys." Daniel even managed to grin at them.

After Sam, Teal'c and Hammond had left, Janet changed the IV bag. "I wish I could give you a stronger dose of pain meds, Daniel. But I don't want to risk it. Another option would be to sedate you, so you won't have to be awake and not feel any pain."

"No. No, thanks, Janet. You know I'm not so keen on being drugged anymore than absolutely necessary. It'll be over  soon and... and I want to be able to go home as soon as possible. You know I'm going to be sick from sedatives and you'd make me stay another day here just because of the..."

"Alright, alright, Daniel. I get it. Colonel O'Neill here just told me you didn't lose any of your mojo because you're little. I'm not happy about it, but you have the right to suffer if you really think you have to," she told him sharply.

"I just said he wouldn't want to be sedated for this," Jack muttered.

Janet sighed. "You two are impossible. Now, if you are ready, Selmak..."

"I am." The Tok'ra took a step forward. "Colonel O'Neill, please hold him down. And don't let go."

Daniel closed his eyes and buried his face into Amab's soft body. Jack's large hands were on his upper back now, rubbing soothing circles. The healing device started humming, and Daniel tensed. But Jack's hands were still there, and his voice was louder than the humming. "It's a piece of cake, Danny. I've got you, okay? You'll be out of here in no time."

Then the pain started.

Daniel jolted upwards, but Jack held him down, still muttering all the soothing nonsense parents told their children when they were in pain or distress. The humming got louder, and he felt sweat run down his spine. It was hot. And it hurt. He started trembl ing and he knew it was going to hurt forever and ever and would never stop...  his back, up his spine, down into his legs... it hurt so much...  the eight year old part of Daniel's mind insisted that this was hell and Selmak was killing him, not healing him. Maybe he was taken over by a Goa'uld... who had fun torturing Daniel... everybody liked torturing him, right?... He cried out and tried to buck and get away... 

"...over in a second, kiddo. You're doing great. Selmak, get it the hell over with... Okay, Daniel, okay. That's it, calm down...you're doing great, tough guy."

The humming grew louder and louder in his ears, and he was getting hotter and hotter. "Jaaaack," he heard himself wail. Oh, this was embarrassing. This was ... 

The humming stopped.

So did the pain.

And Daniel scrambled upwards, latching onto Jack without really knowing or seeing what he was doing. His heart was pounding in his chest, and the humming was still in his ears, even though he knew it was over. Kneeling on the bed now, he was gathered into strong arms and hugged tightly. 

He buried his face into Jack's shirt and took deep gulping breaths, expecting the pain to return anytime. Part of him couldn't trust the fact that it was all over so abruptly. He could hear Janet arguing that he should lie down so she could make sure he was all right. Jacob said something, but Daniel didn't care. 

"Dan iel , Janet wants to check your back. You think you can lie down for a minute?" Jack asked him softly, stroking his hair.

He nodded and let Jack put him down. His arms and legs felt wobbly, like there were no bones left in them. Janet examined him and he tensed and held his breath. But it didn't hurt. Daniel closed his eyes and let out a relieved sigh. 

" Are you in any kind of pain?  D izziness? Nausea?” Janet wan ted to know.

"No," he whispered, then hiccupped 

"Under different circumstances, I'd like to do another x-ray. But I can't find any abnormalities, and we already did an x-ray last night. I'd rather not expose you to another one if not necessary. It seems fine. Promise me to tell Jack if you feel any side effects of the healing device like headaches, dizziness, or sickness. And if you feel any pain in your back..."

"It shouldn't bother him any longer. There might be dizziness and light nausea since he is a child and might react to the power of the healing device. But it is nothing unusual and will subside during the next couple of hours," Selmak interrupted and handed the device over to her. 

With one last worrying look at Daniel, Fraiser said, "Okay. Get out of here. I'll check on you later." 

When she had left the room to put the healing device back, Daniel sat up again, Amab in his arms. "Thank you, Selmak."

"You are welcome, Daniel," Selmak replied. 

Jack tweaked one of Amab's large ears. "So. Are you two good to go and pick up the dog?"

Jacob smiled down at Daniel. "I'll see you later, kiddo. And you two look good together."

"Thank you, Jacob," Jack said, a bit puzzled.

"Oh. I meant the monkey, Jack," Jacob said smugly and left. 

"Yeah. Whatever," Jack snorted, then turned back to Daniel and sat down on the bed  beside him. "Hey, you  made  it, kiddo."

Daniel sighed. "I'm glad it's over."

"You did great. Let's get outta here, huh?"

"My legs feel wobbly," Daniel admitted. They sat there in silence for a minute. He fiddled with Amab's hair. There was something he needed to ask. "Jack?"

"Daniel?"

"Can we invite the other Daniel over for dinner?"

The silence that followed grew so long, he thought Jack wouldn't answer it. But then he said, "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"No. Maybe it's a dumb idea. But he is alone. And it’s Christmas after all."

"I don't think he'll come anyway," Jack pointed out.

"Maybe not. But we can ask him, right?"

Jack rubbed a hand over his face and groaned. "Aw, Daniel..."

"Jack? Please? I just don't feel good knowing he's sitting here on base alone on Christmas. He came back to save us. All of us. Or rather, to help me save us. It is odd. And yes, I feel uncomfortable when I'm near him. But... He is blaming himself for getting big again. For whatever reason, he thinks he failed and is responsible for what happened in the future of his time line."

"Of course he does," Jack sighed. "It's you we're talking about."

"Yeah. And when could you ever deny me anything?" Daniel asked, blinking up at Jack.

*******

O'Neill looked down into those big blue eyes. The eyes didn't work. Daniel knew he was immune to that look. "Don't give me the eyes," he told him firmly.

"I talked to him, Jack. He's lonely. It's not his fault. None of this is. He's not contagious or anything. He's just a guy."

"Are you sure about this, kiddo?"

"No. But I can't enjoy Christmas, knowing he will spend it all alone. Can you?"

Jack looked away, staring at the gray wall. Oh, god, he had tried. All those weeks since they'd been back from Egypt he had tried to... to do what? To act exactly the way he didn't want Daniel to deal with things? 

"I guess ignoring him won't make him go away, huh?" he blurted out.

"No. It won't," Daniel quietly said. "And he needs us."

"He's not just a guy, Daniel."

A small hand crept into his and squeezed it. "Jack?"

"It's just... weird, okay?" 

"We'll work it out," the kid said. "We'll talk. When we're home."

"Oy. You mean as in talk-talk? Emotional angsty stuff? Like why I'm freaked about having him around? Or why I think I can't be his best buddy? That kind of talk?"

"Yes."

Jack tried to picture them talking about all of those things while setting up the Christmas tree and preparing the turkey. Peachy. What happened to the fun part? And having Jackson over for Christmas... Daniel - his little one - was right. Not only would Jackson be without any friends this Christmas; he didn't even have his dog around. And he'd probably “forget” to eat and to take his eye drops and migraine meds.

Jack let out a sigh. "Do we have to ask him right now?"

"Yes," Daniel said firmly and hopped from the gurney.

"We could just call him later. After we did the talking stuff?" 

"No. We have to ask him now, so he can't hang up on you. You have to make him say yes," Daniel explained and marched out of the infirmary, a flustered colonel in tow. 

"If he says no, there's not much I can do about it, right?" O'Neill muttered hopefully while they waited for the elevator.

"Chicken," Daniel snorted.

"Brat," Jack fired back. 

Daniel gave him a scowl and a stern look. "If he says no, you'll convince him until he changes his mind. If anybody can do it, you can."

"Ah.  I’m gonna remind you of that one the next time you say ‘no’ to me. "

They stepped into the elevator, and when the door had closed behind them, Daniel slung his short, but strong arms around Jack's middle and hugged him. He tipped his head back and Jack could see fear in his eyes. Obviously, he didn't feel as secure about this as he wanted Jack to believe. But he seemed determined to go through with it. 

"I’m not asking you to let him move in with us, Jack. And I don't really know if it's a good idea. I need... I need you to.... Everything about him seems to be so... lost. Did you ever look into his eyes? He has the saddest eyes I've ever seen, Jack." 

O'Neill took Daniel's face in his hands and brushed his thumb over the boy's lips. "Shhh. Okay."

"He needs you, Jack," Daniel whispered. "I know. And that scares me as much as it scares you. But I know you love me. You could be his friend and you'd still love me. Even when I'm big again. You always will."

Jack closed his eyes for a brief moment, moved by this unconditional trust and love. It never ceased to amaze and surprise him. He had no idea what Daniel saw in him. What made Jack so special to him or what made Daniel believe so strongly in him. There seemed to be a part in his friend that believed Jonathan O'Neill was far more than an old, fucked-up, Special Ops trained colonel with shot knees and a bad attitude. 

Oh, yes, he had seen Jackson's eyes. And right now, he didn't feel like anything else than a rat bastard. He had brought this Daniel "home" - again. And then he had left him standing there, turned his back on him. Walked out on him. Just like that. 

But he had issues, for crying out loud. Huge issues. 

One thing, however, he was sure about. "Yes, Daniel. Always."

 


	3. Holidays III

**VI**

  
  


**Christmas is a time of year when all the universe conspires to raise the vibratory level of consciousness on earth to one of peace and love toward ourselves and one another. This season resonates to the sweet, childlike innocence that resides in all of us. A time when the heavenly forces inspire us to shift our focus away from fear and toward one of joy, - and healing.**

**S Choquette**

  
  


"Not yet, Daniel."

"Ja-ack, this is ridiculous." 

"Humor me. Keep them closed - please?"

Jack steered the youngster down the hallway towards the living room. Daniel's hair was still ruffled from sleep, but he'd put on jeans and a rumpled checkered shirt over his tee. When they had returned from the mountain earlier Jack had put him to bed immediately which hadn't been all too difficult, since the kid had already fallen asleep on their way home. It was now oh nine hundred and after Jack had spoiled Daniel with pancakes and coffee in bed, it was time for the first Christmas surprise of the day. He owed Carter and Teal'c big time for what they had done with the tree and the rest of the room.

He had both his hands on Daniel's shoulders as he guided him the few steps down into the living room. There he stopped.

"Jaaack, can I open my eyes now?"

"Yep."

Daniel opened his eyes slowly, as if he was afraid of what he was going to see. Then he stared. And blinked. And blinked some more. Jack stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He bit his tongue, trying to be patient, and let Daniel take his time to react.

The tree stood by the large window. It was a fir tree, not a spruce. It looked great and almost touched the ceiling, its branches reaching out majestically to all sides. Jack wondered where Carter and T had found a tree like this on Christmas Eve. Eight blue stockings with white ice flowers embroideries hung from the mantel  which was artfully covered by a fir garland. .

"Jack, that's..." Daniel shook his head and stepped further into the room. He went to the fireplace and brushed his fingers over the filled stockings. Jack watched him look around and as his eyes followed Daniel's, he saw the camels. Wooden camels and the three kings standing on the board of the partition wall to the dining room. There was no stable and no little Jesus, but a wooden pyramid and even palm trees. One of the camels was carrying colorful little packages. 

A bowl with all kinds of cookies sat in the middle of the coffee table. Pyramid-shaped candles in different sizes and colors were arranged around it, waiting to be lit.

When Jack looked out into his snowy garden, he saw the light net attached to the window. Multiple micro bulbs hung like a curtain in front of the glass. It would look great once it got dark outside. 

It was perfect. 

Yet, Daniel sat quietly on the couch, his hands in his lap, not saying a word. O'Neill watched him carefully. He tried to figure out if this had been a bad idea. He noticed the munchkin swallowing hard as his eyes were wandering around the room once more, apparently taking in the light net, the tree and the stockings. 

It smelled of fir needles. Jack remembered this special scent from his childhood. And from Charlie's childhood, too. Later, the smell of the fir would mingle with the aroma of roasted turkey and the vanilla scent of the pyramid candles. The scent of Christmas. 

When the young boy on Jack's couch finally spoke, he asked a question, "What's in the boxes by the tree?"

Jack walked over and bent in his knees to get a better look at the two bags and the box standing beside the tree. While he rummaged through the box, he said, "It's deco stuff. Come over here and take a look."

He pulled a smaller box out of  a large bag and looked at it in amazement. He had expected baubles in red, gold or silver. Maybe white, since Teal'c insisted white was the color of winter. But what he was holding in his hands now weren't your average Christmas tree baubles They were fragile glass ornaments with fancy designs painted on them. The colors varied from purple over gold and dark blue to transparent. 

Jack held them into the light coming through the bright window. The glass ornaments seemed to glitter as the sunlight reflected in them. They weren't simple balls either. The forms varied from oval to camel-shaped, and some looked like Aladdin's lamp. 

"These are Egyptian Christmas ornaments," Daniel said suddenly beside him, his voice a mere whisper of awe. Small hands took the box from Jack and opened it. "They are beautiful. Look, Jack... camels... and hieroglyphs... see the tiny little signs on this one? There's a pyramid on it."

With a deep feeling of gratitude to their friends, Jack watched Daniel dig through the other bags. They found another box with baubles, hangers for them, straw stars and camels, light strings and a tree topper made of the same flimsy glass as the baubles. The topper had a star at its top. There was no tinsel in the bags, but small ribbons in the colors of the baubles and white angel's hair.

"We never had a tree on our dig sites. Most of our workers were Muslim and my parents weren't religious at all," Daniel said finally, his fingertips brushing over one of the baubles. "But did you know there are more than eight million Egyptian Copts? It's the largest Orthodox Christian minority of the Middle East."

"Oh, yeah. And the Christmas tree originally comes from Egypt, too. Or from Babylon," Jack said, giving a smug grin at Daniel's surprised look. 

"That's true."

 

Awhile later, they both sat on the wooden floor surrounded by all the decorations and ornaments. Daniel very carefully attached the thin wire hangers to the baubles and put them aside while Jack untangled the light string.

With a look at the baubles, O'Neill thought it was probably good the dog had stayed on base. 

"I wish Flyboy was here," Daniel sighed without looking up from what he was doing.

Sometimes Jack was sure the kid could read his thoughts. "I know. But it was really nice of you to let him stay with Jackson over the holidays."

"Yes." Daniel attached the hanger to a turquoise cone-shaped bauble. "I should have known he wouldn't accept our invitation. What was I thinking?"

Jack didn't even consider telling the kid that he had known all along. "We tried," he said. 

And they really had. Jack had practically ordered him to come over when all the coaxing didn't work. Jackson had smiled and said he appreciated the offer, but no, he didn't think it was a good idea to come. Daniel had asked him if he wanted Flyboy to stay and Jackson had said he'd love to have him and they had left the dog there. On their way out, Daniel had said something Jack wanted to ask him about.

"What was that about the Christmas tree you said before we left?"

Daniel looked intensely at a purple bauble as he attached a hanger to it. "Um, I don't know what you're talking about, Jack."

_Yeah, right. Try that with someone else, munchkin._ "Just before we left, you told Jackson if he assumed you wanted a Christmas tree, he can't blame you for assuming he doesn't want to spend Christmas alone, even if he pretends he's fine with it." 

Daniel put the bauble back and looked at the colorful ornaments in the box. "Oh, it was something we talked about in the infirmary."

“Yeah? What else did you talk about?“

Daniel shrugged, “Stuff. Just... how awkward all of this is.“

Jack wanted more details, but he suppressed the need to prod and poke. He could see the smile on Danny's face as he unpacked the straw camels next. Yet, he had to be sure. He had been nervous like hell on their way back from the mountain, fearing he'd pushed things too far and that Daniel would be overwhelmed by all the Christmas stuff. He didn't want his friend to feel cornered or jumped. 

"You... did want the tree, right? You're not... just trying to... You're not mad, right?" 

"No, Jack. I'm not mad," Daniel said softly, stroking his fingertips over one of the straw camels. 

*******

When Daniel looked up, he caught the relief in Jack's eyes. They smiled at each other and continued unpacking the tree decorations. The light strings turned out to be very long. They had tiny little bulbs. He loved real candles better, but he understood that Sam and Teal'c probably wanted to stay on the safe side and that was okay. 

"Let's put the baubles aside for the moment and start with the strings," Jack got him out of his thoughts as he stood and held one of them out to Daniel. "We'll put one around the trunk. Makes the tree look like there are lights in the branches, too. Then we can drape the other one around the branches."

"What can I do?" Daniel asked when he had carried the already unpacked decorations over to the coffee table.

"Crawl under the tree and start wrapping the string around the trunk and the inner branches. But be careful with those needles," Jack advised him.

"Okay." Daniel took the light string and crawled under the tree, then started winding it carefully around the lower part of the trunk. He got to his knees and rose, squatting between the thicker branches. The strong scent of fir tickled his nose and he sneezed. He had to be careful with the the resin on the trunk. After he managed to get part of the lights around the trunk and the tangled lower branches, Jack took over until they realized that they would need a ladder to reach the upper part of the tree. Daniel held the string while Jack went for the ladder. 

When the first string was attached, they worked on the other ones. The fir was so tangly, the wires almost appeared invisible. Jack somehow tweaked them so it looked as if there weren't any wires at all. 

Daniel remembered decorating a tree  at the orphanage one year. The ornaments had been old and torn. They had made a couple of gold stars and paper angels to add to the old decorations which had been nice. Jackson was right though. He had always wanted a real tree, one just for him and his new family. When he had been at Times Square on his very first Christmas in New York...

_...there was that real high decorated Christmas tree at the Rockefeller Center with lights all over. It was cold and the falling snow covered everything in a white, soft blanket. He was Christmas shopping with his very first foster family back then. He couldn’t remember their names. What he did remember was their hurry to get last-minute gifts for some relatives. Most of that day was just a blur of searching for a parking space, running around in shops, dragged along by his foster mother who didn't care that he wanted to look at everything at once. Not used to the overwhelming pomp and bright lights everywhere, Daniel's senses were on overflow._

_Somewhere down the line, he lost his foster family. He didn't even notice it at first, when he stood open-mouthed in the whirling snow, staring up at this enormous tree with the glittering lights._

_It looked as though it was on fire. Underneath was an ice rink with hundreds of people skating, like they were flying over the shimmering ice. Daniel had never seen anything like this. The whole concept of snow and ice was still new to him. There was no snow in Egypt._

_Music was coming from everywhere, like angel choruses in the sky. He stared at the twelve, wire-sculptured angels. Even though Daniel knew they were just decorations, he could have sworn they were singing along with the music. Near the ice rink, he saw the impressive sculpture of Prometheus, the god of fire._

_He had no idea how long he'd been standing there, hands stuffed in the pockets of his old winter coat, wishing he could fly over the ice like the other children and adults. The tree lights reflected on the ice, so it seemed as though it was on fire, too._

_"Hey, kid, are you lost?" a deep voice from somewhere nearby got him out of his dreamlike state. When he glanced to his side, he saw an old big man in a red suit, standing beside him. He had a white beard and the most impressive belly Daniel had ever seen._

_"What's your name, bright eyes?" the old man asked him, smirking kindly._

_"Daniel Jackson," he answered, puzzling over being called bright eyes. Was this man making fun of him because of his glasses? He was used to that by now. But only from other children._

_"Danny, right?"_

_"No. Daniel." He had stopped being Danny when his parents died six months ago._

_The old guy didn't respond to that. Instead he followed Daniel's gaze to the tree, "You must be in NY for the first time around Christmas. Your eyes are almost falling out of your head. It's pretty, huh?"_

_Oh. That's why he had called him bright eyes? "Uh, yeah. Very. How did they get all those lights on it? There must be thousands of them," he asked in wonder._

_"They say there're thousands of multicolored reflective discs illuminated by a reduced number of miniature bulbs on the tree. To save energy but give the illusion of so many lights. I say it's the spirit of Christmas that makes the lights so bright. It's a special tree. So what's your wish for Christmas, Daniel Jackson?"_

_"It doesn't matter," Daniel shrugged. He knew this guy was dressed up as Santa. He also knew it was only a fake. Jason Garwich at the Orphanage had told him so when Santa had come to bring them gifts, shortly before these new people had taken Daniel home with them. Jason had lived in the Orphanage for a very long time. He knew everything. He also told Daniel it was tradition to give half of the sweets in the little stocking they got from Santa to the older kids._

_Daniel wouldn't miss Jason very much. But he thought that Jason must know a lot of stuff since he was ten already and knew how things w_ _orked_ _in New York. So Santa was only a big, fat, old guy in a red suit who pretended to be Santa._

_He remembered what his parents had taught him about the Egyptian gods. That they had probably been humans just posing as gods. That's where the myths came from. Maybe it was like that with Santa, too? But wasn't Christmas about the birth of Jesus and not about a guy in a red coat who brought gifts to children? Daniel wasn't too familiar with the Christmas myth and the Christian religion. He knew more about Ancient Egyptian myths and culture. It was what he grew up with._

_Egypt was a whole different world. Like another planet. Sometimes he thought how fascinating it was that two worlds could exist on one planet. That this America was so different from Egypt, and yet they were still on Earth._

_"Sure it matters. If you don't tell me, though, I can't get it for you," Santa said with a twinkle in his blue eyes. Daniel swallowed. His dad had had blue eyes. Only younger._

_"You're not real," he said reluctantly, then looked at the tree again. And the flying people on the ice. The music was still there and Prometheus was illuminated, too._

_"Says who?"_

_"Jason Garwich," Daniel muttered._

_The old guy laughed, which was a nice rumbling sound that seemed to come from his belly as well as from his mouth, "There are always wise guys who think they know everything. What do you think, kid?"_

_Daniel shrugged. "I dunno. I never thought about it."_

_"Why don't ya tell me your wish, and I'll see what I can do 'bout it?"_

_Daniel shifted from one foot to the other. He couldn't ask him to bring mom and dad back. They had gone over the Nile with Anubis, to the underworld. Or maybe they were just gone. Daniel wasn't sure where exactly they were now. All he knew was that they'd never come back, no matter how much he wanted them to. No matter how often he'd pleaded to some god to send them back to him. No matter how hard he cried at nights under his bed covers so no one would hear him. They weren't coming back. And the raw feeling inside never went away._

_He could ask for Nick to come and take him home. Except he really didn't like his grandfather very much, with his odd aftershave and his nagging about Daniel's dad. Nick didn't want Daniel around. He had told him so in that coffee shop after the funeral. Daniel could still taste the sickening sweetness of the syrup on his waffles and hear the old man complain about the unfairness of life. In the middle of his career, he really couldn't take care of a kid._

_He could wish for going back to Egypt. To live with one of the families who worked on his parents’ dig site. But those people were poor, and he couldn't ask of them to take him in. Nobody would allow him to leave and fly back to Cairo anyway. There were laws and rules about it. Like there were laws and rules about everything. He thought America had too many rules. He still didn't understand all of them. He knew, however, that they wouldn't send him home to Egypt either._

_But maybe... Just maybe..._

_"I wish I'd find a family some day," Daniel whispered almost against his will, staring up into the bright lights of the tree, hearing the chorus of some Christmas song floating through the cold air. "I wish there was somebody who doesn't mind that I'm different. And I wish I could stay with them. And on Christmas they'll have a tree like this, with so many lights."_

_Santa put a hand on his back and didn't say anything for a while. Then he went down on one knee, and Daniel now saw that he had a sack with him. He opened it and peered inside. "Wishes like that need time. You just never give up, okay? In the meantime, all I can give you is this." He rummaged around in the sack and when he pulled out his gloved hand, he was holding a snow globe out to Daniel._

_He took it and studied it for a moment. It was a very small one, showing the three kings on camels as little figures in the center, riding in the desert._

_"Snow in the desert," Daniel said doubtfully and shook the globe. There was water in it or something. Little bubbles rose when he shook it. It looked as though the bubbles were slowly sinking to the ground, like snowflakes._

_"I know. But it's still pretty. You can pretend it's a sand storm or a media shower," Santa smiled._

_Daniel smiled back, feeling oddly warm inside. He shook the globe some more and smiled a little brighter. He didn't know if his new foster parents would give him any presents. But this one was his now, and he wouldn't have to give it to Jason Garwich or anyone else._

_"As for your other wish..." Santa started._

_"It's okay, Mister. I know you're not real. But thank you," Daniel answered as he put the globe into his coat pocket, making sure it was safe there and wouldn't fall out._

_"You'll get your family, kid. One day," the old man said with his deep, rumbling voice._

_"Yeah," Daniel Jackson said. "Maybe."_

_Then a policeman interrupted them, asking if he was Daniel because his folks were searching for him. The police officer took his hand and led him over to the car, where his new foster mother started to yell at him for wasting their time because they had to search for him. Daniel knew then that he would have to wait for his family some more. But he had known that these people weren't meant to be his permanent home from the start. He didn't think they even liked him very much. Still, he felt better that day than he had felt in weeks. Later, in his room, he got out the snow globe and let it snow in the desert while he dreamed of finding the right place where he could stay and be happy..._

..."Daniel? You wanna help with the baubles?"

He shook his head to get the memories out of his mind as he handed the baubles to Jack who was standing on the ladder. Daniel decided where to hang each one, and Jack carefully attached the wire hangers to the branches. When they were done with the upper branches, Daniel placed the balls and cones into the lower part of the tree while Jack hung the small straw stars and camels.

He was tying the small ribbons when Jack said, "Charlie used to make new Christmas ornaments with Sara. Each year they did different things. One year, it was silver discs with faked snow sprayed on them. Another year, they cut out gold stars, and then we had little angles made of plaster. We always decorated the tree with everything. When Charlie was eight, the tree looked really cool with all the different stuff on it. Nothing really matched. But we didn't care."

"Sounds great. You really didn't keep any of those things?" Daniel asked.

"No. I... When I got home from Abydos my bags were already packed. She offered for me to take a couple of his things from his room, but...” Jack shook his head. “I couldn't go up there and chose anything. The Christmas decorations were packed away in the attic. I never asked for them." Jack sounded sad, but not bitter. He didn't seem to mind talking about it either, because after a pause he continued, "I took the sled with me because Sara said I could take my tools from the shed. The sled was there. I had no idea what to do with it. I just wanted to take it."

"Maybe you could ask her for some of it next year," Daniel suggested thoughtfully as he started putting the ribbons on the tree.

"Aw, I don't know. I haven't seen Sara in ages. Maybe we could make some new ornaments next year," Jack said.

"Yes, maybe."

Daniel liked that idea. Giving Jack some new memories for Christmas. Starting with this one. And at least for a while, he could keep these new memories, too. 

An hour later the two friends stepped back and looked at their decorated tree. In the dark green branches, the baubles and cones didn't look too colorful anymore. The ribbons and straw ornaments were a nice contrast to the tree. Jack had turned the lights on.

"It looks great," Daniel said as Jack picked a few fir needles from his head and sweatshirt. 

"One thing's still missing though."

"What's that?"

"The topper. You wanna put it up there?"

"Oh, yes! I'll be real careful not to break it," Daniel said happily.

Jack held the ladder as Daniel climbed it with the glass topper in one hand. He felt a little dizzy, so high up, when he reached the end. He bent over and tried to reach the tree top. But his arms were too short and the tree's branches were keeping him at arm's length. He went on tiptoes and held onto the ladder with his free hand. 

"Wait. I have a better idea. Get down," Jack told him.

When he stood on safe ground again, Jack took the ladder away and came back with the step stool from Daniel’s room. He placed the stool by tree and picked Daniel up around his waist. He then stood on the stool, raised Daniel high in the air and said, "Now bend over and try. But don't wriggle." 

Biting his lower lip in concentration, Daniel bent forward and very carefully attached the glass tree topper. "Got it!" 

Jack let him down a bit and put one arm under his bottom. He stepped from the stool, still carrying Daniel, who slung an arm around Jack's neck as they once again looked at their tree. 

"I can't wait until it's dark, and we can see all the lights reflecting in the balls," Jack said.

"It already looks so cool. So does the fireplace and the camels with the three kings. When I was a boy, I had a snow globe with the three kings on camels in it," Daniel told Jack, remembering his thoughts from earlier.

"Snow in the desert," Jack laughed. 

Daniel snuggled against him and leaned his face against Jack's. "Yeah, I know. But it was pretty."

"Well, could be a sandstorm and not snow. Do you still have it?"

"No. I... lost it on one of my moves around New York. But I kept it  for a couple of  years." 

He had kept it until he’ d been twelve and then he'd given it to one of his little foster sisters. At that time, he  hadn 't  been able to look at the globe without being sure that his wish for a new family wouldn't come true. No matter how much he wanted it. He'd even stopped wanting it back then. It had been a waste of time to hang on to silly dreams and wishes for a new real home. He once had a family. A real one. There couldn't be another one. Things like that only happened in Walt Disney movies. 

Jack put him down. "Why don't you put the empty boxes back in the bags and join me in the kitchen? We've got lots of work to do, buddy."

Daniel sighed. "Oh, Jack, I wish we didn't have to eat the fish. I... I didn't choose the fish on purpose. I just like fish and didn't think you'd want a turkey. If I hadn't had that stupid injury..."

"Hey, I made you choose and it's okay." Jack grinned and winked at him before he walked out of the room, calling over his shoulder, "Give me a minute here. There's something I want to show you." 

"Okay." Daniel put the empty ornament boxes into the large paper bags. They'd probably need them later, to put the decorations back before storing them in the basement. 

When he was done, he looked around the living room and smiled at the tree, the stockings and the pyramid candles on the table. He walked over and took one of the cookies. Chocolate walnut, his favorite. He bit into it and chewed, savoring the taste. Sam must have bought them from that bakery where she often got treats for him. They were delicious. 

He grabbed the bags and dragged them along, telling Jack he was taking them to the basement before joining him in the kitchen. 

When he returned, Jack was getting food from the fridge and lining it up on the counter. "We can start in a minute. You might want to check out the thing on the table first," he told Daniel while he was carefully unwrapping what looked like a turkey.

"Wow. They bought food, too," Daniel said in amazement, seeing all the ingredients they would need for a proper Christmas dinner.

"Yep. And you're going to make it," Jack told him. "At least the stuffing and side dishes. I’m gonna cut and clean out the turkey."

Daniel was about to remind Jack that he had given up real cooking, when his eyes fell on a huge box on the kitchen table. "Kenwood Food processor," Daniel read aloud and stared at the picture on the box. "Jack?"

"It's cool. I made the  guy at the store show me everything," Jack told him as Daniel opened the box and, with a little struggle, pulled out the machine and its accessories. "You have a coarse and a fine slicer, shredder, french fry cutter, several chopping blades and a dough blade. There's a mixer in it, too. You can cut leaves and veggies, mince meat and fish.. ah, see? It also has a blender for soup, juice or milkshakes. It's fairly easy to handle. You can put everything, but the motor block into the dishwasher. So you won't cut off one of your cute little fingers while trying to clean that monster." 

Daniel tried to get the very disturbing image of Jack forcing a poor sales clerk to demonstrate the food processor in all its details out of his head while he looked at the blades, bowls, mixers and other things that were now lying on the table. "Wow," he finally managed, not quite sure what else to say. 

Jack shoved an instruction manual into his hands. "Here ya go. Shouldn't take you long to figure it out."

"It's... thanks, Jack. I'd never thought of getting one of these for myself. It just never crossed my mind," Daniel finally said, flipping through the manual.

He felt Jack's worried gaze on him and looked up. Jack picked up the blender and turned it over in his hands. He was flustered. "We can get rid of it, if you don't like it. It's no big deal. Uh, Carter has one of these. She mentioned it some time ago.  I tried to cajole her into giving me hers since she never seems to use it, but she said she needs it for the rare occasions she has to actually cook. So I got this one... t hought it might come in handy since you miss the cooking and..."

"It's great," Daniel interrupted him finally. "I'll be able to make us dinner again. You still have to help me to get the hot food out of the oven though. So you're not completely off the hook."

Jack grinned back now. "Damn. And here I thought I could escape kitchen duties for good."

"Nice try," Daniel quipped.

He studied the instruction manual for the food processor while Jack cleaned out the turkey and rinsed it under cold water. It really seemed easy to handle, and the more Daniel thought about it, the more he decided he loved it. It gave him back some independence. Having the food processor would make things much easier for him. Jack wouldn't have to worry anymore about Daniel's "cute little fingers". 

Yep. He liked the food processor. 

The tree and the decorations were awesome. He couldn't believe Sam and Teal'c had done all that shopping, just to give him a proper Christmas. They must have been running around all evening yesterday to get everything. He loved having Amab back, too.

They were all going out of their way to make him happy. He stared down at the words in the manual and they became kind of blurry. Blinking away the sudden moisture, he knew he had to stop lying to himself and pretending that Jack was the one who had pushed things because he wanted a real Christmas. Jack might want it, too, but Daniel knew it was all for him. To give him back what he didn't have in his first childhood. He could tell them it was over the top. That this wasn't what he wanted, because he didn't want to be treated like a little boy. He knew that's why Jack had been nervous. He was worried they might overwhelm him and that he would snap about it. 

Except it'd be a lie. He loved it. All of it. The sledding and the snowball fight. Decorating the tree... Except for the detour to the infirmary he had enjoyed every minute of it. He knew he would have fun trying out the food processor, too. 

He only wished he was able to give them something back. Oh, he had gifts for all of them. It wasn't about gifts. If only he could be what they wanted him to be. Happy. If he could be "good" and not get into trouble anymore. He was trying. He was trying to allow himself to change now. He even pushed it by getting new clothes and giving in to some playing. Oh, he had played before. The swing set in the garden was there to prove that. And the jigsaws or the Lego. But he'd always done it with reluctance, aware that he maybe shouldn't play, since he was not really a child. 

Now he was trying to shut out that nagging voice sometimes and give himself the luxury to enjoy playing. It wasn't that bad.  A t least he was now able to give himself a break occasionally. Sometimes he really forgot everything around him and just lived in the here and now. He was never able to stop thinking. He was slowly learning to focus more on the moment and to distract his wandering thoughts from going in certain directions. 

Still, he didn't think he'd ever be able to let go completely. Even with the knowledge that he would get his adult life back some day. 

Daniel put together the food processor. He very carefully attached the blades he needed to the machine. He could feel Jack watching him, ready to jump in or call the ambulance if he cut himself. But handling the blades for the processor wasn't difficult. They were safe, and he knew how to hold them so he wouldn't hurt himself. It was all in the manual. 

Jack finished preparing the turkey, and they studied the recipe together. Jack peeled the onions, cursing and complaining about the sting in his eyes. Daniel washed the rest of the vegetables they needed for the stuffing. Then he watched, fascinated, as it was all cut into tiny little pieces by the machine. It was a glass bowl, so he could watch the blades work. 

"Look at that, Jack! I'd never be able to cut it that way!" 

Jack, who was washing the big sweet potatoes while Daniel made the stuffing for the turkey, turned to look at the result of the kitchen helper's work. "Nice!"

When the stuffing was done, they carefully prepared the turkey. Daniel told Jack not to pack it too tightly. "The stuffing will swell in the oven. We can put the leftovers into the potato casserole."

He tried to tie the turkey's legs together but couldn't get it done. The string always slipped his fingers. In the end, Jack held the legs together, and Daniel managed to tie them. They melted butter and smeared the turkey with it. Daniel sprinkled salt and thyme over the bird and put some bacon on the top, while Jack got out the roasting tin and covered it with foil. 

"Let's put it back in the fridge and work on the casserole," Daniel suggested as they looked at their work with pride. It really looked tasty.

The sweet potatoes needed to bake an hour, until they were soft and could be peeled easily while still hot. Daniel opened the already warm oven to place the potatoes on the baking roast.

A wave of heat was coming out of the oven. The roast was already hot. He had to be careful not to burn his hands. 

"Wait a second," Jack said when Daniel reached for the first potato. "You might want to wear these."

Daniel looked at the kid-sized oven gloves Jack was holding out to him. He remembered when Jack had bought them a few months ago. Daniel had wrinkled his nose and refused to even try them on. There were little white cooking hats on a red background and smiling faces all over the gloves. Daniel had announced that he hated them and was never going to even touch them. He didn't even know Jack had kept them. 

Had he really made such a fuss because of some oven gloves? Of course he had. He’d made a fuss over a lot of things. Daniel grabbed them and pulled them over his hands. He put all the potatoes in and shut the oven door. He turned to Jack, who was leaning at the kitchen counter, watching him with a little smile on his face.

"What are we doing now? Can we make dessert, too? Is there anything in the fridge for dessert? I can do almost anything with that food processor! I can even mix juices! Oh, couldn't we make some long drinks? Like we had in Egypt? Without alcohol for me? Is there any juice?"

"Take a look," Jack prompted, not in the slightest annoyed by Daniel's rambling.

Daniel hurried to the fridge and pulled the door open. Studying the contents, he muttered, "No juices... only cranberry for Teal'c... hmmm... hey, Jack! Did you see this? There's Mascarpone here and everything we need for Tiramisu. Teal'c must have remembered we talked about it in Antarctica. He sure wants me to make it. Did you print off a recipe for that, too?"

"Yeahsureyabetcha. It's at the fridge door," Jack quipped.

Daniel quickly closed the door and pulled the recipe out from under the Maggie Simpson magnet. He opened the fridge again, getting out everything he needed. "Oh, Teal'c bought the biscuits already, so I don't have to make them. I'd wanted to make them myself. The blender would have done it in no time," Daniel muttered, a little disappointed.

"Yeah, but you'll get to make the Mascarpone cream. Don't worry about it, grasshopper. You're going to use this little kitchen wonder all the time," Jack laughed.

Daniel started on the cream right away. He weighed the cheese, sugar and cocoa before putting all of it in the bowl of the food processor, along with some vanilla extract. He managed to part the egg yolk from the white without mixing it, or dropping any egg shells into it. After adding the yolk to the cheese mass, he closed the bowl and started the mixer. 

Jack didn't need to help him anymore. Daniel knew it was probably silly to be that proud of himself. But he just felt like he had gained back something very important. He used to love to cook. With the help of this machine, he could do it without worrying  about  mak ing a mess all over the kitchen. The now-bigger-than-it-used-to-be hand mixer sprayed food everywhere if he wasn't holding it right. Now he was able to cut and purèe almost everything, without Jack hovering and getting anxious. 

He beat the egg white until it was stiff and then folded it gently into the cheese mixture, using a wooden spoon instead of the processor. 

In the meantime, Jack had made coffee. They took a large casserole dish and placed the biscuits in it, then soaked them with the coffee. Jack held the large bowl, while Daniel spread the cheese mixture over the biscuits with the spoon. 

"Now we need cocoa powder on top," Daniel said. Jack handed him the cocoa, and he started to sprinkle the Tiramisu with it. He must have tipped the box just a little too much though; suddenly a brown cloud of cocoa powder popped out of the box. It tickled his nose and Daniel sneezed. He managed to turn his face before he did, so he wasn't sneezing into the Tiramisu. But it was enough to blow the cocoa all over the table, himself and Jack. 

"Oh, no! I'm sorry," Daniel groaned when he looked at the brown fine mess everywhere.

Jack swiped a finger over Daniel's cheek and licked it. "Mmmh, cocoa," he sighed blissfully in his best Homer Simpson voice.

"D'oh," Daniel replied and they both burst into laughter. 

"It's in your hair, too. C'mere." Jack led him away from the table and ruffled his hair. More cocoa powder emerged from it and Daniel sneezed several times in a row. 

"It's on my glasses," he giggled after he had stopped sneezing. He pulled them off to clean on his shirt. 

Jack grabbed his arm and pulled it away. "Aht! Not there! You’ll just smear more of that stuff on them. Use water. I think we'll have to shower after we're done here." 

Daniel giggled again as he went to clean his glasses under the faucet by the sink and put them back on. "If Flyboy was here, he'd lick it off both of us." 

"Oh, yeah. What a hot visual - not," Jack snorted and pulled his cocoa-sprinkled shirt over his head. Then he did the same with Daniel's checkered shirt, showering them both in more cocoa powder in the process. 

"Jack?" Daniel asked when Jack patted himself down to dust off the worst of it.

"Daniel?"

"Can we get a gift for Jackson? So we at least have something for him when we pick up Flyboy?"

"Sure. What were you thinking of?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe..." Daniel absently started drawing symbols into the cocoa that was still on the table "...something that belongs to him."

"Something from your stuff? From the storage unit?" Jack opened the back door and shook their shirts out to get the powder off. 

"Um, yeah. Or maybe... from that box you have in your closet?" He didn't feel like going to that storage unit. What he had in his own room now, from before, were mostly books, his journals and some small artifacts he had gotten after his parents' deaths. 

There were also his bed and closet. He had refused to get a kid-sized bed or any children furniture unless it was absolutely necessary. Jack had gotten him kid-sized book shelves, so he didn't need a step stool to reach them. Everything else had gone into trash or the storage unit. He never went there since they had packed up his apartment after his downsizing. 

But he knew about the box Jack kept in his closet with the few things Daniel didn't want to leave in storage or throw away, but couldn't stand having in sight either. Old photos, some clothes, his glasses... junk that Jack was probably more fond of than Daniel now.

"I don't know, Daniel. I’d kinda like to keep that stuff around. You might want to have it back when you're... you know... upsized again. Besides, I don't think he'd be too thrilled to get his old clothes back. Or pictures of us. I'm not sure if it would go over well. Actually, I think you just should let him be."

"It's just stuff. I can get new things when I'm back to normal. There should be something in it I can give him. I thought of it more like a gesture... that he's not alone. That we're his friends." When he saw the uncomfortable look on Jack's face, he added, "You promised, Jack. At least... try. If I can do it, you can, too. Teal'c already spends time with him. I'm sure Sam is okay with it, too, now that she doesn't have to worry about altering the time line."

Jack let out a huff of air and scratched his head, which resulted in cocoa powder emerging from his hair and settling down again like a tiny dust cloud. "I promised not to ignore him anymore. I didn't say anything about declaring undying love and friendship." 

"Jack, don't be a jerk." Daniel turned and started his second try with the cocoa powder. This time, it worked much better. He got more cocoa on his hands and on the table, but mostly it landed on the Tiramisu where it belonged.

"I'm not as good as you are at dealing with him," Jack said behind him, his voice low and flat.

Daniel grabbed the foil and covered the dish with it. "You're avoiding the issue, thinking it might go away. But it won't. I remember a time when you told me not to run." He heard his own voice saying the words, wondering if his adult self was talking now. That reasonable voice, which got more and more blurry and mingled with his childish part somehow. He was still not facing his friend. But he could imagine him pick up something and fiddl e with it. Jack always did that when he was nervous or bored. 

"It's different," Jack snapped.

Daniel turned to see Jack playing with one of the smaller bowls, turning it over and tapping his fingertips on its bottom. 

"How?" Daniel demanded. "How is it different? I was running away from this life. I hurt you. I hurt us both. Now you're doing the same. Running away from him - hurting him. I did, too. But I'm trying to change it."

"I'm going to hurt him a lot more..." Jack started, then shook his head, clenching his hands around the plastic bowl.

"What? Why? It's not his fault, Jack. None of it is. We have to find a way to live with each other. We can't single him out. Not like this," Daniel tried to get his point across.

"This isn't about him, Daniel. It's about me."

"It's about all three of us. We're all in this together. Just... try to..." 

"No," Jack whispered, his voice gruff with barely suppressed emotions. "You're wrong about that. It's just me. I can't." With that, he slammed the bowl on the counter and left. 

Daniel stood there stunned for a moment. He picked up the plastic bowl and stared at the faint dent where Jack's hands had squeezed it. 

**VII**

O'Neill slammed his bedroom door and leaned heavily against it.

That went well. Not.

He sat down on his bed and raked his hands through his hair. When he pulled them back, they were smeared with cocoa. He should take a shower. Wiping his palms on his jeans instead, Jack decided he had to go back and save the day. He'd joke it off and they would return to having fun. No way was he spoiling Daniel's good mood. Oh, wait. He probably already had.

Well, he'd make up for it. The day had started out so great. The kid was actually okay with the tree and Christmas decorations. He liked the food processor and was having a ball preparing the food. 

Then along came Jack and blew it. He wasn’t the one who had started to talk about Jackson though. Yet, he had known it was coming. Daniel had told him they'd be talking.

Right. They were really good at that. Ruining their day when it was just getting peachy.

There was a knock and the door opened a crack. Daniel craned his head around it, a frown on his face. "Hey, Jack," he said casually and pushed the glasses up his nose, leaving brown fingerprints on them. 

Jack plastered a smile on his face. He could do this. "I'm coming. The potatoes will be ready in a couple minutes."

Of course, Daniel wasn't one to be fooled easily. He squeezed his pliant body through the small slit, instead of opening the door wider, and crossed the room until he was standing in front of Jack.

"Talk to me," he said simply. Jack started to get up, but was held in place when two small hands fell on his shoulders. "Please?" 

O'Neill cleared his throat and shook his head. "Look, why don't we skip the part where I started being a jerk and just go back to the cooking? There's lots of stuff to do still. You can get something from the box. Or maybe he'd like to have one of those old books you keep leaving all over the house..."

"Jack." Daniel stepped forward and wriggled until he was standing between O'Neill's knees. "Talking. Now."

He wondered how often he had said those two words to Daniel. The kid even managed to get the tone right. Heck, he even got the look down to a T. It would have been intimidating if it wasn't so darn cute, looking into those stern blue eyes. Yet, Jack didn't feel like joking it off anymore or ruffling Daniel's hair and getting on with the program.

Instead he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your fun, Daniel. We don't have to do this right now. I'm good."

"No. You're not good. And yes, we have to do this right now," came the clear answer. "Now is as good a time as any. We can't wait for the right moment for this, because that moment will never come."

"I guess not," Jack sighed. Then, before he could change his mind or jerk away from the serious blue eyes in front of him, he blurted out, "I'm scared, Daniel."

"It's going to be all right, Jack."

Jack shook his head. Maybe Daniel really didn't get it all. Because he was eight, body-wise. Jack had no idea how to spell it out for him. Finally he settled for just saying it the way it was. "No. He's safer this way. I'm safer. If I let him into my personal space, he might get under my skin. He's you. You always do that to me. Get too close. I'm just a guy, Danny. Sooner or later it's going to backfire. And he knows that, too."

"I know. But you're strong. You..."

"Am I? And if I'm not - are you going to forgive me then? And what about him? Because you're right. He's lonely and maybe he needs me. It's been a pretty long time for me, too. What if we screw it up? What if we get physical because we start feeling easy around each other? Being friends... having fun... Then what?"

Jack looked into the sad, grown-up eyes staring back at him. He had been wrong. Daniel hadn’t forgotten. He might not be able to feel like a man anymore. But he remembered. It was all over his face, and Jack knew he had thought about it, too. Must have thought about it. 

"Then you're getting laid," Daniel said calmly.

"It's not just about getting laid. I'm not that cheap or that desperate. Just let's not kid ourselves here, Daniel... He's not just another guy. I’d rather keep him at arm's length than screw things up and start something I might not be able to see through."

He wanted to pull Daniel close and make it all better. At least make this more bearable for both of them. He just couldn't. Something in his kid's eyes told him not to. They had started this and now they had to go through with it. He knew if he hugged Daniel, the kid might end up in tears, and Jack wasn't so far behind. So he just sat there and waited for Daniel to pick up the ball and throw it back. Which he did after swallowing a few times. 

"Do you... ever look at him? He's... looking good." His hands were still on Jack's shoulders, his fingers digging in painfully now.

"I try not to. Look, this isn't a problem right now. But it could be some day. Not next week or next month... But what about a year from now? You'd be caught in the middle, and it won't be fair to either of you. I might hurt him a lot more hanging around, trying to be his buddy and something comes out of it. He chose to keep his distance. It has nothing to do with the friggin' time line. He doesn't want to get between us. And maybe it's for the best." Jack didn't want to tell him this. He wanted to reassure Daniel that it would be okay. That he would be able to deal with it. That he was as strong as Daniel wanted him to be. That he was a better man. "I'm sorry, Daniel," he whispered, hoping the kid understood, or at least tried to. "I know it's not easy for Jackson. Or for you. I just...sorry."

"I understand," Daniel whispered back. “It'd be okay.”

"Don't try to be easy about it. Don't even pretend to. Because even if you are now, what about when you're big again? Are you going to make me choose between you and... him? It's not working. I'll deal. By not getting involved," Jack interrupted him hoarsely. 

He felt like shit to be so relentless, but he knew this had to be said. Daniel was right. He had tried to avoid talking about Jackson for as long as possible. They both had. But now that it was out, Jack couldn't or wouldn't promise him anything he might not be able to stick to. So he had to draw a line. Was it possible to avoid hurting somebody by hurting him? What was the least painful way to get through this fucking mess they were in? Was there a way for all three of them to come out of this and still be sane?

"He's working out a lot. Did I... did I look that.. broad? Manly?" Daniel asked shyly, sucking his bottom lip in. "'Cause sometimes I can't really... remember anymore what I looked like. How it felt to be big. When I see him, it's like he's a relative or something. It's so weird."

Jack felt his throat tighten. "You were... gorgeous." He wanted to say beautiful. But Daniel hated that, had always told him to shut up and not be so sappy. 

Daniel put a hand on Jack's cheek, caressing his face. "I tried not to forget how it was... to love you the way I did. I still remember. I just don't know anymore what it was like. The touching and kissing... all that. Seems so... far away."

"Daniel? What are you saying?"

The small hand brushed the moisture from O'Neill's cheek. Jack hadn't even realized he was crying. "We changed so much. What's going to happen between us when I'm a man again, Jack?"

"You won't remember," Jack reminded him flatly.

"But you will. And maybe my subconscious will, too. I'll be little much longer than he was." 

"I don't know, Daniel," Jack croaked. "God, I don't know." Daniel's face started to become blurry. Then the kid's arms were around Jack's neck, pulling him forward until their cheeks were pressed together. Jack let his head drop to Daniel's right shoulder and hugged him close, while Daniel's hands soothingly stroked through his hair.

"It's okay, Jack. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," the child whispered.

Jack squeezed the small body to his own, taking in the scent of cocoa and Daniel's shampoo. He felt his eyes burn with more tears. "We're going to be okay, kid. One way or the other. We're going to be okay."

"Yes, we will. Okay."

"Okay, yeah." It was a mantra, a promise, a vow. 

They stayed like that for an eternity, holding onto each other for dear life. "I'm sorry, Daniel. Didn't mean to spoil the day," he finally choked out, his voice still shaking. 

"You didn't," Daniel crooned, his hands still in Jack's hair, stroking and ruffling. Jack thought how amazing it was that they had switched roles for a bit. 

"Did," he insisted.

"Didn't."

"Did."

"Di-dn't," Daniel sing songed.

"Did, too." Jack felt the laughter rise inside. It was totally insane. Maybe they were losing it for good now. 

"Did not," Daniel giggled.

"I love you, kiddo."

"I love you more, Flyboy."

"Woof..." Jack looked up when he felt Daniel's body shake with fits of giggles. Losing it wasn't so bad, really. It was fun. 

Daniel climbed onto Jack's knees and knocked him over, so they were both lying on the bed now. "You have cocoa all over your face," Daniel informed him, brushing his fingertips over Jack's cheeks and then showing him. It must have come out of his hair when Daniel had his fingers in there.

"Eww, let's clean up and then go back to the battlefield. The potatoes should be ready," Jack groused, imagining cocoa powder all over his clean bed sheets.

"Yes, lots of stuff to do!" Daniel bounced up and down on Jack's belly a few times.

He gaped at the munchkin. This couldn't be the same guy who had looked so unbelievably sad and serious just a minute ago. Then again, Jack felt a little like bouncing, too. The world wasn't any better than a minute ago. No solutions or answers had suddenly popped up. But they had talked. Maybe that was all it took sometimes. They had carried this around for weeks now. It was good to get it off their chests. 

"Hey, Daniel. Are we okay?" he asked, just to be really sure.

He smiled and nodded. There was no head ducking, no flinching or self hugging and no eye blinking. He meant it. "Yeah. We're okay." Then the smile faded. "We need to find a way to live with Jackson though. I understand you, Jack. But we can't go on like this. I mean, if he reaches out, we should... you know... let him." 

"Yeah. I know. Look, if you want to spend time with him, that's okay. If Teal'c and Carter spend time with him - I'm happy for him. Just don't force me to be such a big part of it. I’ll just ...stay in the background, okay?" 

Daniel stretched out on top of Jack and planted a big, sloppy kiss on his nose. "Okay."

Then he was off to see the wizard, or the sweet potatoes. 

  
  


When the cooking was done and all they had to do was shove the turkey and the casserole into the oven later, Jack shooed Daniel off to read or do something else that included getting some rest. It was going to be a long night, and if the kid intended to stay up as long as he wanted, he had to take it easy now. Jack cleaned up the kitchen and got out the good china. He placed plates and everything on the kitchen table, so they’d just have to carry the stuff into the dining room later. 

He figured he could spend some time on the couch, too, before he had to wrap Daniel's gifts. He had two more aside from the food processor and the brand-new version of Amab. One was a cool new yo-yo that blinked in the dark and made humming sounds when it reached the bottom. He had gotten funny looks from Carter about that. But hey, she could satisfy Daniel's adult side and buy him some ancient mythology books or a CD with virtual tours of the Mayan cities. He would see to little Danny's needs. The second one was special, and Jack was very proud he'd managed to smuggle it in the country. He knew he had taken a risk, but he hadn't been able to resist the temptations, so sue him.

He went into the kitchen,  put the turkey into the oven, and got the casserole out of the fridge. The bird needed longer, so he would put the casserole in later. He chose a few bottles of wine and set them on the counter, next to the glasses he had already put out. 

He placed the timer for the turkey on the counter and took a last look around the kitchen. Everything was set. They'd done a nice job with dinner, he thought. There was bread, too, and they also made a salad. He checked the other drinks. Beer and water, and juice for the big guy and the kids. 

Yep. Everything was just right. 

Except the house was too quiet without the dog. He wondered how Jackson was doing. If he'd share one of the Christmas dinners from the commissary with the dog. At least Flyboy would remind him to eat since he wanted to be fed, too. 

Strolling into the living room, he found Daniel lying on the couch, reading a book. Now what was wrong with that picture? Sighing, Jack stopped at the bottom of the stairs and watched him for a moment. He was totally engrossed in whatever he was reading – probably a very old book. Daniel was on his belly, legs swinging in the air. He was sucking at the tip of his thumb, bottom lip jutting out in concentration. God, he was a cute little brat. His brat. 

He should let it go. It was Christmas, and they’d had one of those heavy, 'meaning of life stuff' talks, which always shook them up a little. On the other hand, going back to normal might just be what they needed. Usually, it was never a good idea to start walking on egg shells around each other after a crisis. If they started doing that, Jack would end up letting Daniel get away with even more than he already did. Which would come back and bite him in the ass sooner or later. He'd been there, done that, got the t-shirt to prove it. 

"Hey, Daniel. What'cha doing?"

"Reading," was the absent answer with just a hint of annoyance because he was interrupted. 

Jack went over and patted his head. "Remember yesterday?" 

He looked up with a puzzled expression on his face. "Yesterday?"

"Yep. Our little talk after I took away your books and laptop?"

Daniel closed the book and gave a little sheepish smile. "Oooh. I forgot about that." 

"Of course you did," Jack said, tickling one of the little feet that were still swinging.

"Reading in my room, right?"

"That's right, buddy.  I’m not gonna confiscate your book, but... "

Daniel scampered up from the couch, wedging the monstrous book under his arm. "Okay."

Nice. It looked like all that being consistent was slowly taking effect. Sometimes. At the same time, he could hear Daniel's words from this afternoon in his head...  _We changed so much_ ... Yes, they had. But it was a good change, right? They finally seemed able to walk the line and be on the same page about how to make this work. Mostly. 

Jack watched him leave and decided now would be a good time to wrap the gifts. As long as Daniel was reading he was busy and wouldn't burst in to see what Jack was doing. 

When he was done wrapping, he took a quick shower and got dressed. He packed the gifts under the Christmas tree, marveling at the sight when he stepped back and switched on the light strings. Now that it was slowly getting dark outside, it looked real pretty. He turned on the window light net as well. 

Jack lit the pyramids on the coffee table. Once lit, the golden candles glittered and started smelling of cinnamon and vanilla.

Nice.

Satisfied with everything, Jack went to let Daniel know it was time to shower and get dressed.

*******

Daniel frowned at his image in the bathroom mirror. He had wet his hair and combed it back so it looked... "Cowlicked," he muttered. That's how he looked. He grabbed for a towel and started rubbing his hair dry. Now it was spiky and jutted up to all sides. Daniel stuck his tongue out at himself as he reached for the hair dryer.

When his hair was dry again, he just raked his fingers through, deciding that he looked best the way he always looked. He was wearing his suit jacket. Not the one he had gotten for the negotiations a few months ago. Nashi had ripped that one to pieces when he'd escaped at the mountain. 

The new suit was blue, too, but much more comfortable than the other one. The fabric was soft and felt almost like silk, even though Daniel knew it wasn't. It looked a little bit like those suits that had been hip in the Nineties when everyone wanted to look like Don Johnson from Miami Vice. He was wearing a white shirt, but no tie, and jeans with it. He opened the first two buttons of the shirt and nodded at himself. Cool. 

"Here you are. They'll be here any minute. I need your help setting the table," Jack's voice startled him. 

Why was his stomach doing flip flops all of a sudden? These were just his friends coming over for Christmas. It was going to be fun.

Jackson would still be sitting alone on base with just Flyboy to entertain him. Daniel doubted his adult self would partake in any Christmas party that might take place at the commissary for those who had to be on duty. It just wasn't right. Yet, he knew he couldn't do anything about it. Maybe Jack was right. Maybe it was for the best if things stayed as they were. Jackson would move on and find new friends. He knew how to survive.

"Daniel? You okay?" Oh, right. Jack was standing in the bathroom doorway, waiting for him. Now he smiled. "You're looking good, buddy."

"Um, thanks. You, too." 

Jack was wearing gray jeans and a  night- blue shirt. 

They went into the kitchen and carried the dishes out to the dining room. Jack had pulled the table out so they would all be able to sit around it.

"Isn't Cass bringing her boyfriend?" Daniel wanted to know when he counted the plates. 

"No. He's with his own folks." Jack placed the last wine glass on the table. "He's an idiot, if you ask me. She should get rid of him."

Daniel chuckled. "Jack, you'll consider every possible boyfriend of Cassie’s a jerk or an idiot."

"He likes Heavy Metal, and his hair looks like he put his hand into a socket."

"He's sixteen," Daniel explained patiently. 

"Yeah? I'm glad you won't be sixteen again. I bet you'd become a hippie or something like that," Jack snorted.

"Really?"

"What?"

"You’re really glad I won't be sixteen again?"

Jack started fiddling with the forks and turned his back to Daniel. "Yeah. Aren't you?"

He pulled at the table cloth. "Sure."

"Thought so."

"Being eight sucks. Being sixteen would be just ewww. Voice changes, puberty, acne..."

"Right."

For a second Daniel had a hunch that Jack was about to say something, but then his older friend walked out to get the wine bottles and the moment was over. 

When Jack returned with the wine, the doorbell rang and Daniel suddenly realized that he hadn't put his gifts under the tree. He told Jack to open the door and said he would be right back.

*******

Jack placed the open bottle on the table and followed Daniel into the hall. The kid ran off to his room while Jack got the door. Cold winter air rushed in, followed by Carter and Fraiser who were both wrapped in thick coats, snowflakes melting on their hair and shoulders. They both shoved bags into his arms and walked in.

"Merry Christmas, sir," Carter chirped, obviously in a good mood.

"Merry Christmas, Colonel," Fraiser echoed, placing another bag on top of the two he was already holding in both arms.

"Carter - Doc... "

"Uncle Jack! Merry Christmas - can you hold this for a minute?" Cassie dumped a box on the stack of bags. Jack started to balance everything, juggling it on one arm as he hugged Cass with the other.

Next was Jacob, who grinned brightly and brushed the snow from the collar of his coat. "Hey, Jack. Merry Christmas. Selmak can't wait to try the turkey and see the tree."

"Yeah. My pleasure," Jack grunted, shoving the packages back to the other arm as Teal'c entered, his large figure looming in the doorway for a moment.

"Beware of the dog, O'Neill," he cautioned as he passed him.

"Okay, thanks, T."

Dog? What...? He staggered backwards as a black, barking something struck him. All the bags went flying, and Jack had two arms full of dog instead. 

He heard Carter shriek, "Oh, NO! The gifts!"

Cassie started laughing hysterically, and Jack grabbed the monster's paws to prevent it from knocking him onto his butt. "What the f... Flyboy! Down!" 

Flyboy barked happily and went down on all fours, then dashed down the hall, kicking the scattered bags aside. 

"He missed Daniel," came a quiet voice from the doorway.

Jack blinked. "Huh?" 

Behind him, Carter and Janet started gathering the bags and boxes together. 

"Flyboy. He, um, and Teal'c said I was going to..."

"I asked DanielJackson to join us this evening," Teal'c said.

"Yesss. He did his glaring thing and, uh... he smiled. Showing his teeth. Then he told me I was going to enjoy Christmas whether I liked it or not," Jackson snorted. 

"Ah," Jack replied stupidly. Then he realized the guy was still standing in the open door, and that Jack was blocking the way. Reluctantly, he stepped aside and waved him in. 

Jackson peeled himself out of a thick brown leather jacket. He was wearing a light blue buttoned-down shirt and black pants. "I'm sorry I didn't bring any gifts. Or anything else. I didn't expect to end up," he walked towards the living room and stopped at the top of the steps, "here. Oh."

"It's okay. We're happy you're here," Carter said as she passed him, carrying a couple of the bags into the living room. She was soon followed by Janet and Cassie with the rest of the packages. Jacob and Teal'c were already down there, admiring the tree and probably discussing the origin of it and its mention in the Bible or something like that. 

"Jack! Flyboy is here!" Daniel, followed by his inseparable shadow, galloped down the hallway and skidded on his socks for the last couple of feet before coming to a halt almost next to Jackson. "Hey! You did come after all! That's cool! We can..." He stopped mid-sentence and turned to Jack, who just stood there. "Umm, Jack? It's okay, right?"

No, it was  _not_ okay. "Yeah, sure. Whatever." When Daniel gave him a stern look, he took a deep breath and added, "Great. It's going to be fun." That earned him another intimidating look from the munchkin. 

Jackson, however, didn't seem to hear any of this. He was still rooted to the same spot, looking out into the living room where Carter and Fraiser were busy arranging packages under the tree. Cassie was looking through Jack and Daniel's CD collection. Daniel started to say something when he followed his adult self's gaze and went silent, too.

*******

When they had set the table earlier, Daniel had been aware of the lights being lit in the living room. But he hadn't really looked. Now standing here, he suddenly saw the tree, the lights at the window, the lit candles. He smelled cinnamon, vanilla and fir needles. The colorful baubles sparkled in the lights and the tree seemed to twinkle with a purple, blue and white gleam.

Daniel felt his mouth fall open. There was a rush of all kinds of emotions going through him at once. For a moment the old angry voice in his head whispered that he didn't want this. Sappy, pathetic, sugary Christmas wasn't his thing, would never be. He didn't need the pomp nor the many gifts he could see underneath the tree. Couldn't they just celebrate as always? Oh, but the angry voice was drowned by other feelings. Warm, fuzzy, happy ones. 

"Wow," Jackson said beside him. "This looks great."

"Yeah," Daniel breathed. "It does." 

It didn't look like the tree at Times Square. It looked a hundred times better. Because it was theirs. Their own family Christmas tree. 

"You two gonna strike root there?" Jack's gruff voice broke the mood.

And suddenly Daniel could let go. 

It was like something inside of him gave in, like some door snapped closed and another one opened wide. He didn't need to listen to that old angry voice, if he chose not to. He didn't have to fight the good feelings bubbling up inside him. He didn't have to prove anything to anybody. Not even to himself. All he had to do was enjoy the evening. 

He could do that.

Daniel ran down the steps and, once he had put his gifts under the tree, greeted his family. They hugged him and ruffled his hair. Even Cassie did so. Jacob asked about his backside, and Janet wanted to know if he had taken a nap during the day and if he still felt dizzy or had a headache. 

"There was no time for a nap," Daniel told her. "We had so much to do. Jack got me a food processor, and I did most of the cooking! You have to see it. It's really cool."

"Oh, I bet it is. I wish Jack would have thought about making you rest, though," Janet tsked and eyed him suspiciously.

"Mooom," Cassie whined. "He's not a baby. Just ignore her, Daniel."

Daniel gave Cassie a grateful look. He didn't see her very often, but once she had gotten over the shock of seeing him littled, she seemed to be more relaxed about his new appearance than most of the adults. 

"I know that," Janet grumbled. "He's Daniel Jackson."

"O'Neill," Daniel added with a smirk, pointing to the other one. " _He_ is Daniel Jackson." 

Said Daniel Jackson raised his eyebrows and tried to be invisible, going by the look on his face. 

"Oh, don't start nitpicking on names, Daniel. You know what I meant," Janet chided, but with a smile and a head shake. She patted his shoulder and walked away, muttering something about having two of them to make her work forty-eight hours more than she already did. 

"Do you have any idea what she's talking about?" big Daniel asked little Daniel.

"Not a clue."

"Yeah, me neither." Jackson stepped closer to the tree and reached for one of the camels with the golden pattern. "This is pretty."

"Yes. Very pretty.” Daniel nodded. 

Jack brought in a tray with glasses and bottles of wine, beer and juice. He placed it on the coffee table and went back to the kitchen, mumbling something about setting up another plate and watching the turkey. 

After they all had drinks and settled down on the couch, the recliner and some chairs Jack had brought down from the dining room, everybody remarked on how great the room and the tree looked. Daniel took the opportunity to thank Teal'c and Sam again for going shopping and choosing the decorations so thoughtfully. 

"It was a pleasure to choose the tree ornaments," Teal'c told him with a smile in his dark eyes.

"We found them in a Christmas store at the mall. We had already chosen white baubles and porcelain angels when Teal'c saw the boxes with oriental ornaments," Sam chimed in, looking very pleased with herself. "I particularly love the straw camels."

"Well, this is all very nice and sweet. Can we open gifts now?" Cassie asked impatiently.

"Cassandra!" Janet shook her head. "Teenagers. One would think they get more mature as time goes by. Sometimes I think all they get is more childish."

"Time's-a-wasting," Cassie smiled, then jumped from her chair. "I'll go find Uncle Jack. I want to see what's for dinner. Aside from a burnt turkey."

"It's not burnt," Daniel called after her. At least he hoped it wasn't. It smelled good from the kitchen and he felt his tummy growl in anticipation. He wasn't too keen on opening gifts. It wasn't that he didn't like gifts. He was just looking forward to dinner and having a good time.

Flyboy traipsed down the steps, carrying a huge chewing bone Jack must've given him. He came over, lay down by Daniel's feet and started to gnaw and crunch happily. Jackson, who was sitting in the recliner on the other side of the coffee table, said, "He missed you."

Daniel felt a little guilty all of a sudden. "I don't know. I bet he was happy to stay with you, too." He knew it was lame to say something like that. He felt bad about the part in him that actually wanted Flyboy to miss him when they weren't together. He'd missed the dog, too. 

He noticed his older self's eyes seemed to be better. They weren't nearly as red as they had been yesterday, even though the pink eye was still there. He wondered if Jackson was wearing his contacts, but doubted it. However, he still didn't have glasses either. Jackson smiled a little wistfully and took a sip from his water. "He missed you when you were in Antarctica, too."

Daniel was about to reply that Flyboy probably just missed his home and didn't want to stay on base all the time when Cassie leaned over the half wall that parted the dining room from the living room, a scowl on her pretty face. "Jack says dinner is ready and that we have to wait to open gifts until after dessert."

"We better eat while it's still hot," came Jack's voice from somewhere behind her. A moment later he appeared next to the teenage girl. "Everybody who wants to open one gift now, run to the tree... only one. If we start unwrapping everything now, the turkey will be cold by the time we're ready to eat. Daniel, watch the dog. I gave him something to chew on, just in case. But if he eats the wrapping paper, we'll spend Christmas at the vet."

"Yes, Jack," both Daniels replied, then exchanged a look and grinned.

Jack rolled his eyes and went back into the kitchen.

"Cool," Cassie said and came down the steps. "Come on, Daniel!"

"I can wait till after dinner," he said. They were all smiling at him now.

"Aw, shucks. Nobody expects you to wait till after dinner. You choose a gift to open for me, and I’ll choose one for you," Cassie told him.

"I, too, will open one gift now," Teal'c said and got up from the couch to join Cassie. 

"Yeah. Me too," Sam said. 

Before he knew it, Daniel was following them over to the tree. It couldn't hurt to at least look at all the colorful wrapped boxes, right? Cassie handed him a golden wrapped box with his name on it, and he chose a silver one for her. Teal'c rummaged around in the stack of boxes and gave Sam a small one in blue paper while she handed him a bag with his name tag on it.

Cassie ripped hers open and then let out a squeal of delight at the new disc man. Teal'c was holding a new dark blue cap in his hands, to cover his tattoo, and Sam marveled over a CD she found in her package.

Daniel carefully opened his box, a little anxious about what he might get. When he found a card from Teal'c in it, next to a new Settler of Cartan game, he smiled. "Thanks, Teal'c! Did you try it? Is it good?"

"Indeed, it is most entertaining," Teal'c told him. "I played three levels, but decided to stop and wait for you to reach the level where I am now. Then we can continue together."

"Yes. That's going to be cool," Daniel said. 

When Janet, Jacob and Jackson had left to help with the food, he went down on his hands and knees and searched for a gift for Jack. When he found the package he'd been looking for, he grabbed it and ran out of the living room. 

Jack was in the kitchen, cutting the turkey. It smelled and looked tasty. So did the casserole. "Hey, kiddo. You can ask everybody what they want to drink," he greeted Daniel. Janet rushed past him, carrying the salad and bread out to the dining room.

"In a minute. I want you to open one gift, too. Here. I know how much you like getting gifts," Daniel told him. 

Jack put the carving knife aside and wiped his hands on a kitchen towel before he took the gift. "Thanks, buddy." He rapped it a few times and raised his eyebrows. "Is it... alive?"

"Nah," Daniel giggled nervously. "But you have to be careful."

"Ah. Something explosive then?"

"Ja – ack! It's nothing really... it's just..." Daniel felt a blush creep into his face. He hadn't been sure about this one. Sam had told him it was a wonderful idea and helped him  create it. He still felt a little ridiculous about it though.

"It's from you?" Jack eyed it, turned it over and then held it up to his nose and sniffed at it. "Nothing poisoned, I hope."

"Yes, it's from me. And no, it's not poisoned. Just open it, for crying out loud," Daniel laughed.

"Stealing my lines again, eh?" Jack held it in one hand and knocked on it with the knuckles of his other hand. "Hmm. Solid. Kinda heavy."

"Stop doing that! You'll break it!"

With a grin, Jack finally ripped the paper away and carefully opened the flat wooden box. Well, it wasn't really a box. It was a folding picture frame. But folded together, it looked like a small box. Daniel felt his teeth working on his bottom lip as he carefully watched Jack's face. It went from curious to surprised, before a very soft smile appeared in his brown eyes. 

He carefully placed the gift on the kitchen table and reached for him. "C'mere." 

"Do you like it?" Daniel asked shyly as he snuggled against Jack who gave him a bear hug.

"Oh, yeah. I'll put it next to Charlie's - if that's okay with you."

"Okay. Sam helped with the handprint. She got the plaster. She also took the picture. And I... um... I wanted to make the frame, too, but Sam wouldn't let me saw anything. So I got that online. But I carved the date in the plaster next to the handprint. We did it while you were in Washington for two days and Sam stayed here with me. We had to dry the plaster in the oven and the first one burnt because she forgot to set the timer and we were watching a movie."

"Oy. Carter and ovens don't mix well," Jack grinned. 

"No, but we had fun doing it."

Jack tousled his hair and gently squeezed the nape of his neck. "Thanks, Danny. It's great. Let's put it right on the shelf."

"I'll take it. You carry in the turkey." Daniel carefully took the frame and scurried out to place it next to Charlie's. Now it looked as if they were brothers. And maybe in a warped way they would have been if Charlie was still alive.

In the dining room the others were already sat around the table and chatting while they waited for dinner. There was laughter when Jacob said, "It's about time," as Jack brought the turkey in. "And it looks edible, too."

"You're going to dream of this turkey when you're back in Tok'ra land having... whatever it is you're eating there," Jack snorted.

"Our food is much better than what the Asgard eat," Selmak informed him. 

"Had dinner with Thor lately?" Jack asked jokingly, making everybody laugh. 

Daniel rearranged his picture on the shelf. He was glad Jack hadn't shown it off to everybody. He still felt a little embarrassed as he looked at his small handprint in plaster next to his picture. Then he shrugged. Jack obviously loved it. Once Daniel was big again, Jack would have his handprint and the pic as a memory. 

"Daniel - dinner," Sam called out. He left the folding frame where it was and joined the others.

Dinner was fun and everybody praised the turkey and the sweet potatoes. Jack pointed out that it had been mostly Daniel's cooking skills. Daniel smiled when Sam said she was happy he was spoiling them with his delicious dinners again. "Not that I'm complaining about your BBQ and ordering pizza, sir," she added good-naturally.

"Oh, I get the hint, Carter. But that's exactly why I got the food processor. So he can work his magic in the kitchen again," Jack grinned as he dug into his food.

"Your BBQs are great, Jack," Daniel said. 

"If he doesn't burn the steaks," Jackson added dryly.

Jack glared at him, but Cassie giggled and Sam snorted into her wine glass. Daniel suddenly wondered what they had told Cass about where this other Daniel had come from. Did she know? She knew he was shrunk. So she probably knew about Jackson, too. Or did they come up with something else? Obviously Janet had given her a heads up about the new Daniel because she didn't seem bothered. 

Jackson was sitting next to him. He seemed to be trying to enjoy himself. He had downed his second glass of red wine already, though. Daniel was sure he was feeling awkward. He suddenly felt sorry for Jackson. Maybe dragging him here had been a bad idea, even though it had been good intentions on Teal'c's part. Daniel knew how much he hated being forced into situations by others. How often he'd told Jack he didn't want others to decide what was good or right for him. Even when he had been a grownup. That he had been able to look after himself for most of his life and that it wouldn't change just because Jack and the rest of SG-1 were there now and thought they had to "take care" of him. Even in his friendship and relationship with Jack, there had always been moments where he feared the dependency of commitment. 

Jack wasn't clingy. He had a fine antenna for when Daniel needed to be on his own for a while, even now. But in the end he always showed up and coaxed him out of his self chosen isolation. Sometimes gentle, sometimes not so gentle. 

"Daniel, do you want something to drink?" Sam's voice got him out of his thoughts. He had finished his juice some time ago, so he nodded. His eyes skimmed over the wine bottle on the table. It was a red wine, one of his favorites. It always tasted good with meat or fish. Too bad he wouldn't get any. Even Cassie got a spritzer of wine into her water. 

To his surprise, Jack picked up the bottle and asked, "You want some wine, Daniel?” With a shrug in Janet's directions he added. “Special occasion. We can mix with sparkling water."

"Yes, please. I haven't had any wine since I've been shortened," Daniel said and held out his glass to Jack, who poured a small amount of wine into it. When he extended the water bottle, Daniel covered his glass with one hand. "Can I taste it pure, please? Only one sip? I just... want to know if I still like it. Like the coffee." 

"Okay. Just this once," Jack said after he had exchanged a look with Janet, who gave her silent agreement with a nod.

Daniel raised his glass and out of a mood he said, "To friends and family. Merry Christmas."

They all let their glasses clink together, wishing each other a Merry Christmas. Daniel carefully sipped his wine, swirling it in his mouth a couple of times. It was a rich, if a little sour, taste and his senses reconnected with his memories. However, unlike the coffee, it didn't taste as delicious as he remembered it. He still liked it though. He smacked his lips and quickly took another sip before the glass was gently removed from his hand and filled with sparkling water.

"We don't want you to pass out or have a hangover tomorrow," Jackson told him with a grin as he put the glass back in front of him. 

"I could say the same about you," Daniel muttered in a low voice. "You will end up snoring on Jack's couch if you don't stop drinking any time soon. You... I... we... always did."

"Oh, don't worry about that. I'm fine," Jackson said and refilled his wine glass.

"No throwing up in my living room," Jack said dryly. 

Both Daniels jumped at the remark. Around them, everyone was chatting with each other and they had thought nobody was listening in on their conversation. But Jack had started to clear the table and was standing next to Daniel. 

Jackson rolled his eyes as Jack took his glass away and walked out into the kitchen. Daniel stood to help with the dishes, but was held back by his adult self. "I'll help with that, if you don't mind. I want my wine glass back."


	4. Holidays IV

 

 

** VIII **

  
Jack placed the dishes on the kitchen counter and thanked Carter when she brought in more plates and bowls. "It was a great dinner, sir," she said. "Do you want me to help load the dishwasher?"

"I'll handle it, Sam," Jackson said quietly as he crossed the kitchen, opened one of the cupboards and snatched a new wine glass. He grabbed the bottle and filled his glass. Carter watched him worriedly.

"Are you okay, Daniel?" Her blue eyes wandered back and forth between Jack and the adult version of the munchkin. Jack wondered when she had started to call him Daniel. It was okay, really. It just felt... odd. 

"I'm fine, thanks." 

O'Neill put the plates into the dishwasher more forcefully than it might be good for them. He heard Carter leave. Laughter came from the dining room, as Jacob told some story about a world with blue, fuzzy creatures that looked like little Mogwai, which, according to Daniel, was Mandarin Chinese for "evil spirit". There was more laughter when Jacob assured him there was nothing gremlin-like about these aliens. Cassie said she'd wanted one as a pet since she’d always loved the movie and it would be real cool to take it to school with her. The conversation was in full flow just in the next room, but for Jack it could have been in another universe. 

The hairs on the back of his neck were rising as he felt laser eyes burn a hole in his skull.

"Can we talk?" Jackson snapped behind him. "Could you stop that for a minute?"

Jack slammed the dishwasher shut and turned. Jackson looked flushed and his still slightly red-rimmed eyes seemed a bit unfocused, which could have been because he wasn't wearing contacts. Or because of the wine. Daniel always got a little glassy-eyed when he had too much alcohol. 

"Don't you think you’ve had enough?"

"Yes, maybe.  But I’m not little-me so I’d be grateful if you could stop mother-henning me. "

“Hey, you want to get drunk, fine... go ahead. But I’d rather you don’t pass out in my living room.”

Jackson shrugged and took another sip from his glass. "Good wine, nice dinner, great tree. I had a good time. Do you mind if I called a cab now?"

Oh, sure. Jack would love to call a cab for him. Right now. 

Except he couldn't.  Taking a deep breath he said, “There’s dessert. You’ll like it.”

"I'd rather not. Thank you, though... I think. Look. I know you don't want me here. I don't want to ruin your Christmas. Teal'c meant well and I know Daniel probably felt guilty because I was going to spend Christmas alone on base. I appreciate it and all. But you know this is a bad idea, right? So just let me say my goodbyes and leave," Jackson said quietly, staring into his glass as he swirled the red wine around in it.

It was a bad idea, all right. Jack watched him and suddenly realized that Jackson had been different when they met him in Egypt. He had seemed calmer and more aloof, like he was standing above things. No, that wasn't right. He had just managed to appear more formal for a while there. Now, thrown back into his old environment, the false front crumbled a little. 

"Daniel wants you to stay. T and Carter are glad you joined us. So is Fraiser." 

Jackson placed his glass on the counter and while he didn't actually hug himself, he crossed his arms tightly over his chest and pulled his shoulders up as if he was cold. "I don't even have gifts."

"Gifts are not required on Christmas. It is not what this holiday is about," Teal'c explained as he came in with the remaining dirty dishes. "Is this not the time of showing affection and opening one's hearts to each other? Being at peace with everybody? It is most different from the feasts on Chulak."

Jack stared at his giant friend, the goodwill ambassador for the true meaning of Christmas. Teal'c's interest in Earth culture and customs was usually entertaining and brought up philosophical discussions with Daniel and Carter. He had done his homework on Christmas several years ago. This year, however, he not only seemed to enjoy it, but was really getting into it on a spiritual level. 

"You would make such a great Santa, T," Jack sighed. "I knew I should have gotten you a red coat and a beard."

"Oh, pu-lease," Jackson groaned.

"Is the Tiramisu ready to be served?" the Jaffa wanted to know as he opened the fridge door and pulled the large dish out. "It does look very delicious. You will enjoy it, DanielJackson. It has cocoa powder spread on top  and there is coffee in it ."

"Yeah. I know. And there's amaretto in it. Which will make me throw up in Jack's living room, by the way. So I better..."

"Nah, not in this one. It's kid and Daniel safe, so you can dig in without regrets," Jack smirked as he took Jackson's wine glass away and handed him the dessert plates. "Get a move on. We have a crowd to feed. I'll put on the coffee."

"You think dessert and coffee will make me stay?" 

Teal'c was already gone and the Tiramisu with him.

"You're a cheap date." Jack shrugged and followed him into the dining room, his eyes straying just a second over the broad shoulders and long legs. He didn't check him out. He knew what lay underneath the black jeans and blue shirt. All he had to do was keep his imagination in check and not allow himself to see this Daniel as anyone other than just... a guy who worked with him. Who was off limits in any possible way. So he looked over at Carter, who flashed them an uncertain smile, a question all over her face. 

Right. Piece of cake. Giving her the thumbs up, signaling that everything was okay and peachy, he sat down, determined to enjoy his dessert. Daniel bore his eyes into him, too, and Jack ignored him for once. 

Dessert went by without any incidents. After his second cup of coffee, Jackson appeared to be a little less drunk and even a bit more relaxed. They moved into the living room again where Cassie started handing gifts to everyone. She was as excited as a twelve year old, instead of the almost seventeen she was. Jack doubted she'd act like that if her idiot... err... boyfriend had been here. While she was so very grownup and cool most of the time, she still loved Christmas. 

He remembered her first Christmas. That one year they had spent Christmas day at Fraiser's who had introduced her to the fancy things like Santa, trees and baking cookies. She had basked in the mood of the season, had soaked up all the Christmas stories and songs like a sponge. She’d always tried to convince Jack and Daniel to get a tree, too. So there. Her wish had come true at last. 

O'Neill watched the slender teen. She had grown into a beautiful young lady. Not long and she would go off to the Academy. Time was running. He remembered it like it was yesterday when they had brought home the shy, terrified little girl, who didn't want anyone near her except Carter. They still shared a special bond. Jack wondered if Carter sometimes regretted not being the one who had adopted Cassie. 

As her CO he was glad she didn't. She was the best 2IC he could imagine and he was sure she'd have stepped down from going off world at least for a while to be there for Cassie. But Jack needed her on SG-1. As her friend, however, he felt as though she was denying herself a life outside the mountain for some reason. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe she was happy that way. She just loved her job more than anything else. He knew how obsessed Daniel was with his work. But even he had craved for someone to share his life with. They all did. Suddenly Jack wondered with whom Carter was sharing her nightmares. 

Or Jackson, for that matter. 

_Oh, here we go again_ , he thought wearily as he caught himself looking toward Jackson, who was quietly talking to Janet. They both looked at Cassie and smiled.  Apparetnly they were sharing Jack's thoughts about her. 

O'Neill fondled Flyboy's head in his lap. The dog looked up at him with those huge dark eyes, then yawned and stretched his neck so Jack could rub there for a while. Several requests for more drinks sent him to the kitchen a moment later.

Once he had delivered drinks to everybody, he noticed that Daniel and Jackson had left the room. He raised his eyebrows at Teal'c, who explained, "DanielJackson and DanielJacksonO'Neill required some time alone. I believe they went to the tree house. I wish to try one of these alcoholic drinks of which you are so fond, O'Neill. Which one do you suggest I should try first? Heineken or Budwiser?"

"Oh, Teal'c, I'm not sure that’s such a good idea," Fraiser chimed in.

"Am I not allowed to drink alcohol now that I no longer carry a prim'ta?"

"Um, yes, theoretically..."

"Try Heineken," Jack said, feeling they had celebrated this prim'ta-free life of Teal'c’s far too little. 

With a bow of his head, the Jaffa grabbed one of the bottles on the coffee table and opened it. He raised the beer and started drinking. Jack watched him swallow once, twice, three times. Teal'c put the empty bottle down on the table and for a second looked like he couldn't decide whether or not he liked it. Then he nodded and reached for the next bottle. "This is most refreshing, O'Neill. I will have another one." 

"Uh, T..." 

Janet gave Jack her 'I-told-you-so' look as Teal'c downed the second bottle as quickly as the first. Jack snatched the third bottle off the table and opened it for himself, then handed the fourth one to Jacob. "Cheers. I hope Selmak likes beer?"

"Yes, Colonel. I do. As Teal'c said, it's very refreshing. And unlike the prim'ta, I can handle it very well," Selmak answered in his distorted voice. 

Jack managed not to grimace. He still wasn't sure about the Tok'ra. Jacob Carter was a good man and had earned Jack's respect and friendship through several missions they had accomplished together. Okay, both Selmak and Jacob had been there. Carter's dad seemed to be in tune with his symbiote most of the time. Jack just couldn't get over his aversion to those slimy, hissing snakes. No matter if it was Goa'uld or Tok'ra. The Tok'ra might be on a different page than the Goa'uld. But in the end, they came from the same pond, and Jack wasn't going to trust them any further than he could see. If he had a choice. 

Today, though, he was giving the snake some slack. It was Christmas after all.

*******

Daniel lit the candle on the wooden table and sat down on the couch beside Jackson. Jack and Teal'c had carried the couch up to the tree house in the fall. It was a cheap two seater from IKEA. Daniel liked shopping there. He liked the light colors and the simple but practical design of the furniture. It made a nice contrast to his artifacts, too. He had loved the mixture of old and modern things in his apartment. Also, IKEA was nice for finding all sorts of accessories and little things his childlike side wanted. Jack had taken him there a couple of times since he became little and it was the one kind of shopping trip they both enjoyed. They would stroll through the large store and then have lunch at the restaurant later. 

"Jack doesn't want me to stay up here for long since there's no heater. That's why there are so many blankets. He always worries I'll get pneumonia or something," Daniel said, but nevertheless pulled one of the quilts around himself and leaned back with a contented sigh.

It was snowing again. The white flakes were tumbling down silently from the night sky. Yet, it wasn't completely dark. A full moon could be seen through the tangled branches of the trees. 

"I came up here sometimes after my re-sizing," Jackson said. "I read your... my... journals here."

"There's not much in them, I'm afraid. Aside from... work and a few ramblings about my self-pity and the oh-so-horrible life I'm having now," Daniel admitted sheepishly. He was tempted to rip out several pages of his journal from the first few months after his downsizing. He had been so pathetic. Oh, maybe he still was sometimes. But the perspectives had changed. A lot. 

"Yeah. It isn't that horrible though, is it?"

"No. Not anymore."

They fell silent for a while, watching the candlelight flicker in the otherwise dark tree house. The branches and the wooden walls creaked in the cold. 

"I stopped writing personal things down when I realized I was going to stay like this. I tried not to think about myself, my feelings, my troubles all the time. I thought if I continued writing them down, I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about them. When I wrote about what I felt and how... depressed I was, it started circulating in my head and wouldn't stop. Usually it helps to write things down. Makes my head clearer and allows me to see things from a different angle. It didn't work like that this time. So I stopped. Then I wanted to move on, but I couldn't. Not really. Doctor Svenson is bugging me to start writing a personal journal again, but I don't feel comfortable doing it."

"You don't want to think about yourself that much."

"I don't know. I was thinking about myself all the time. It drove me crazy. I never focused on myself that much before. But now I was... I couldn't see anything else because all I was able to think about was... Everything reminded me of before. Everything I did, saw and felt made me realize all over again that I lost my life. My... whole universe changed. I lost the one thing that kept me going through the first time as a kid. Adulthood. I couldn't stand the thought of being a child again."

"Independence."

"Yes. My job, going off world, living alone - everything."

"You were scared."

"Oh, yeah. I don't know who was more scared, though. Me or Jack. I refused to see him. Did he tell you how I locked myself away in my base quarters, after all the physicals were done and they told me there was nothing they could do about my situation? I wouldn't let him in. He tried. He called, he knocked, he threatened to blow the door."

"Yes. That was in your journal. And he told me that... I only came out when they promised they’d let me do my job. It was Teal'c who convinced me to come out."

"He told me not to give up. That my body wasn't controlling my mind. That they would find a solution, but I had to get a grip if I wanted to continue my life as normally as possible."

"Turned out it wasn't that simple, huh?" Jackson grabbed one of the other blankets and pulled it around his own shoulders. 

"No. I hated it. Every damn single day. Every minute, every second. It started with being told how much coffee I could have and it didn't end with not being able to reach the upper shelves in my office. The list was endless." 

"So, you...we... were fighting it. Kicking and screaming. You tried to act mature and reached your limits..."

"...all the time, yes. More sleep, less concentration. I cried a lot. Which I hated even more." Daniel frowned and then shook his head. "This 'we-you-me' thing is very awkward."

"Yeah," Jackson sighed. "Sooo... you... err... kept pushing your friends away. The more they wanted to help, the more you balked. It's what you did all your life since you learned you were better off without adults looking after you."

"Yes."

Jackson frowned, then shook his head and pointed out, "But they are our friends, Daniel. Not adults like those we knew from... before. It's different. You can trust them and you know it."

"Yes. The old Daniel knew that. But part of me fell back into the old patterns. I thought they'd realize soon enough I wasn't able to be the same Daniel Jackson I used to be. And when they'd figured that out, they would miss him. And not want me around because I was just a bratty, moody pain in the neck. At the same time I couldn't stop being just that. I wasn't able to pretend I was okay. Because I wasn't. I tried. I tried so hard to be Daniel the man when I was at the mountain and working. I tried not to let it out on my colleagues or Sam and Teal'c. I wanted to function. I pulled myself together as much as I could. And then... then..."

"And then it came crashing down."

"Yes," Daniel whispered. "I let it out on Jack. At home where I felt it was safe to... release my anger. At least, that's what Svenson said it was. As if Jack should be honored that I was treating him like my punching bag. There were times when I thought it was better not to live with him anymore. Because of our history. Because I knew he was missing ... you... too. We were fighting all the time. And it didn't end there. I started to jeopardize my own safety off world, lied to my team. I screwed up so badly. I wasn't joking when I said I'm not a good kid."

"But he didn't let you... me... us... go," Jackson murmured.

"No. Once I got it that he wouldn't send me away... that he... no matter if I was big or little... Once I got that, things started to change, little by little. It's far from being perfect. But it's... okay, I think."

"And it won't last forever."

"No. That helps, too."

"Yeah." 

Daniel fiddled with his blanket. The cold was creeping up his legs and he knew they had to go back into the house soon. But now that they had finally started talk ing , now that the dam was breached, there were so many things he wanted to ask, even though he was aware that his adult self would probably refuse to answer some of them. Like what had happened when Anubis attacked? Who had died and who made it to the Alpha Site? What about Earth? Did Anubis enslave the Tau'ri or did he destroy the planet? What had happened between this Daniel and Jack in the future? 

"You said you came up here after you got big. Does that mean you still lived here?" he started, uncertain if it was a good thing to begin with.

Jackson stretched out his long legs and stared down at his feet. "Yes. I had no apartment. So we needed to find a new place for me. Story of our life, huh? I spent some time in the infirmary after I got my old body back. Janet stuck every needle inside me she could find." There was a smile audible in his voice at that, but it faded when he continued, "I told Jack I didn't want to find any toys or weird stuff at his place when I got there. I freaked. God, I guess I didn't act any better than after the downsizing. Well, maybe that's just me. I couldn't believe I had lost over a year of my life. Couldn't believe any of the crap they told me about being a kid for so long. I shouldn't tell you any of this, Daniel. The future should stay the undiscovered country it's supposed to be. None of it has to happen in your time line Maybe they'll find something that won't erase your memories. Maybe..."

"No. Tell me. What happened? Weren't you curious at all? Didn't you... talk to Jack? The others?"

"We talked. After a time. He showed me pictures and told me what a brat I'd been and still am. We went through the reports about Reese and Oma. He told me about Nashi. But as much as I wanted to know what had happened in that year... at the same time, I didn't want to. It seemed so unreal. I started to read the journals and figured it must have been a real nightmare at times for both of us. When I showed him the pages, he just shrugged it off, telling me it didn't matter. That in the end we were doing okay."

"There's more, isn't there?"

"Yes, there's more," Jackson hissed.

"Tell me."

"No. There's no point."

"But..." He would be big again and lose his memories. How was he going to deal with that?

"Don't be scared. Jack won't let you go. You know that. It'll take time, yes. Time we didn't have. You'll have that time. Both of you will. You will live and heal." But there was a haunted look in Jackson’s eyes, and Daniel sensed that his adult self might have hopes – but wasn't really certain about it. 

"What if I fail?" Daniel said, his voice tiny and thin. 

"You won't. You have to trust me on this, Daniel. Never fear you will fail. This is your destiny. I failed because I didn't know better. Because I was too blind to see. But you are beyond that. You are going to do what's right. And, Daniel... when this is all over, I'll show you where the eagle stone is. You can stop searching for it. Concentrate on getting Oma's knowledge back and enjoy being a kid, if you can."

Daniel swallowed. "Thanks."

"It's the least I can do."

"You're not telling me anything now because you think it might color my judgment about how to handle things, right?"

Jackson rubbed his eyes and groaned, "You are really a persistent little bug, you know that?"

Daniel smirked. "What's your point?"

"Right," Jackson smirked back and got up from the couch, stretching his back and putting the blanket down. "We should go back."

With that, he opened the door and stepped out on the porch, where Jack and Daniel had sat during the summer when they were good. It was cooler up here during the hot days. Daniel followed Jackson, remembering the day when they had t rapped the raccoon and had their picnic up here. Now it was dark and cold; snow crunched under his boots as he carefully walked down the wooden steps and crossed the garden. They returned to the house, a warm pool of light in the darkness.

**IX**

Jack pretended not to worry about the two Daniels when they didn't come back for a while. They were just sitting somewhere, talking. No need for him to interrupt. 

Flyboy, who had been in the kitchen enjoying his dinner, tapped into the living room and came over to Jack. He put his head on O'Neill's knee and looked up at him, frowning. That seemed to be his favorite position. Jack thought it was darn cute. It was as if the dog had something important to tell him and needed his full attention. 

"What?" Jack asked, raising his eyebrow.

The dog let out a snuff. Sighing, Jack fondled Flyboy's head and rubbed between his pointed ears. "They'll be back. Stop worrying." 

"Is there any more Tiramisu left, O'Neill?" Teal'c wanted to know as he made his way towards the kitchen.

"Dunno. Go, help yourself," Jack answered, amused about the sweet tooth his friend had developed over the years. 

He watched Teal’c leave, satisfied that the two beers didn't seem to affect him in any way. Jack had no idea what a drunken Jaffa was like. He could imagine him reciting old battle tales about his time with Bra'tac. But who knew? Maybe some of those tales would bring back nasty memories, and god knew what else might be unleashed if Teal'c really got drunk. Jack had seen what passion and fire lay underneath the stoic surface, and he didn't want that fire to break out in his living room, thank you very much. 

Cassie was reading a book she had gotten from T. It was a collection of old Christmas stories and songs. Janet looked over her shoulder, reading too. From time to time, they shared a chuckle over something. 

Sam and her dad had started a game of chess at the coffee table. 

O'Neill gazed at the crackling fire when he felt an old darkness creep up inside him, It approached slowly, like an enemy who had been hiding somewhere in the shadows of Jack's mind and was now trying to attack. 

Where the heck were the two Daniels? He had watch ed them  over dinner. He just couldn't take his eyes off them. Carter, who had been next to him, whispered, "Oh, my god, they look like father and son." And they really did. Maybe they'd get along swell. Liking the same things, same food, same clothes. Both being hooked on historical stuff, both linguists, both... alike. 

Just like he and Charlie had been. In tune. 

He was about to go and look for them just to distract himself when he heard them coming in through the front door, stomping their boots on the mat to get rid of the snow. Flyboy immediately ran to greet his two best friends. They brought a gust of cold winter air in with them. The younger one came straight over to Jack and gave him a hug, pressing his cold face against his. 

"We're back."

The darkness crawled back to its hiding place as Jack ruffled the blond hair and pulled Daniel into his lap, hugging the small body close to warm him. "Didn't put your thick jacket on, did ya?" he chided mildly.

"I did. But it was darn cold up there," Daniel replied, snuggling in without any hesitation. 

"Hey, is there any Tiramisu left?" Jackson asked when he spotted Teal'c with a huge bowl full of the dessert.

"There is still plenty, DanielJackson," the Jaffa mumbled and smiled - brightly.

"Cool. Daniel, you want some too?"

"Hey, why don't you bring the whole thing and a couple of bowls out here?" Jack suggested as he rubbed Daniel's arms. "You know where everything is, I guess."

"Yep. Drinks anyone?" Jackson offered. When everybody had told him what to bring, he left. 

"Hurry, DanielJackson," Teal'c suddenly hollered after him. "When you return, I will read to you about Christmas."

Daniel looked up at Jack, puzzled. "What's with him, Jack?" he whispered.

At the same time, Jackson appeared in the dining room, staring down at them. "Are you all right, Teal'c?"

"I certainly am very well, DanielJackson," Teal'c smiled as he reached for Cassie's book and gently took it from her. "I believe it is time for poetry now."

Jack made a note to self not to let Teal'c mingle alcohol with sweets in the future. He leaned back in the recliner, shifting his kid so they were both comfortable. Jackson returned with the remaining dessert and the drinks on a tray, which he placed on the table. He slumped down into the couch next to the big guy. 

Teal'c cleared his throat before he began to read aloud. 

"T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there."

Cassie giggled a little, but Janet put an arm around her and shushed her with a gentle nudge, as the baritone voice of their Christmas ambassador carried on, "The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads. And mama in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap."

Daniel nestled his head against Jack’s shoulder, while Jack stared at the crackling fire. Sara had read this poem each and every year to him and Charlie before they put their son to bed. It had been a ritual. Like the light strings and the tree ornaments...

"When out on the roof there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutter, and threw up the sash. The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow gave the luster of midday to objects below, when, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer..."

Jack closed his eyes, silently echoing the words... 

"With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick. More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came, and he whistled and shouted and called them by name..." 

Jack and Charlie had taken over at this point and called out the reindeers’ names, one by one, "Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen! To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

And on went Teal'c's warm, deep voice, filling the room with a special magic. 

"As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, so up to the housetop the coursers they flew, with the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas, too. And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof the prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound."

Jack felt Daniel stir, and when he opened his eyes, he saw the munchkin glancing towards the fireplace before he settled back against Jack.

"He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot. A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack. His eyes--how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry..."

It had been Charlie's favorite part for some reason, remembered Jack...

"...His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, and the beard on his chin was as white as the snow. The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a broad face and a little round belly, that shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly...."

...and despite Teal'c's rumbling voice and the warmth in the room, the darkness raised its ugly head and tiptoed out of its corner to wrap itself around Jack's heart. Charlie had loved this poem. Charlie, who was now gone and would never hear it again, nor would he ever read it to his own kids. How dare Jack enjoy and cherish his life again, how dare he think he deserved this happy place with his little Daniel in his arms - even though it was bittersweet at times. He should be out at his kid's grave with the cold earth and the stone that bore Charlie’s name and the dates that marked the beginning and end of his too-short life. A life that had ended through Jack's fault. He hadn't pulled the trigger, but he had left the gun loaded...

O'Neill felt the cold creep in with the darkness as Teal'c's voice seemed to fade into a faraway rumble. The room seemed to lose its warmth...

"Jack," Daniel whispered into his ear, and two short, strong arms wound themselves around his neck, squeezing gently.

He snapped out of it, not with a start, but like he was diving through black ice water, struggling to get to the surface. He was holding Daniel and for the second time that day, felt their roles reversed as small hands rubbed the nape of his neck.

The darkness was still there, but it pulled away like the receding flood. 

There were two voices now reading the last verse of the old Christmas poem, "He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,... Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!" 

Jack looked over Daniel's head at Jackson and Teal'c, who closed the book. The big guy was still smiling and so was the adult version of his kid. It was a shy smile which brought out those dimples and made his eyes  appear  a  bit shiny. And he was looking back at Jack, who returned the smile almost reluctantly. 

Carter was the first to speak, her voice laced with emotion, "Teal'c, that was..."

"Wonderful," Janet said.

"Yeah, Teal'c. It was kewl. A little freaky, but kewl." Cassie grinned. 

"I never thought I'd hear a Jaffa reading Tau'ri Christmas poems," Jacob commented, his whole face twinkling with good humor. 

Teal'c bowed his head, the big smile still on his face. "It was a pleasure. Jaffa warriors are known to be very good storytellers. It is how they entertain themselves during quiet times in battle before kelno'reeming."

Daniel climbed off Jack's lap and helped himself to the last bowl of Tiramisu, before he hopped back up and leaned against him again, happily enjoying the treat. "When I was little, we never celebrated Christmas. I learned all about it when I came to the US. I never thought it was meant to be a happy time for me," he said quietly.

"What did you celebrate in Egypt?" Cassie wanted to know. "Did you have Muslim feasts instead?" 

"Yes. The main Islamic holidays are Ramadan, Eid al-Adha, Eid al-Fitr, Islamic New Year, and the birthday of the prophet Muhammad. Various Christian holidays are also observed by the Christian population. But most of our workers were Muslim, so we never celebrated the Christian holidays. My parents didn't believe in religion and they merely celebrated out of respect for the culture. They were expected to partake in the feasts, I think," Daniel explained.

"I heard about some of those holidays in school," Cass said.

"The Islamic calendar is called the Hijra. There are twelve months in the Islamic calendar: Muharram, Safar, Rabi al-Awwal, Rabi al-Thani, Jumada al-Awwal, Jumada al-Thani, Rajab, Shaban, Ramadan, Shawwal, Dhul Qadah and Dhul Hijjah. The first of Muharram is Islamic New Year and is greeted with celebrations. The ninth month is Ramadan," Jackson explained.

"Yes. They aren't allowed to eat then, right?"

"Not from sunrise to sunset. After sunset, there is food and celebration. Muslims believe it was during the month of Ramadan that God revealed the first verses of the Qur'an to the prophet Muhammad. The fast is supposed to remind people to be grateful for the blessings they have received during the year, and to remind them to feel compassion for those who are less fortunate..."

Jack listened to Jackson's quiet voice as he explained a few other Islamic holidays to Cassie, interrupted by Daniel, who threw in a remark or two. He tuned them out. Yet, the constant mumbling of that voice from his past had already started to slip through his barriers, making him smile again at the man on his couch, who belonged there somehow - and yet didn't. 

But he would make it work. Somehow. His first priority was Daniel, and everything else had to fall in place as it would fit. 

He felt his kid become heavy against him as he fell asleep, a cocoa-powdered mustache on his upper lip and the spoon still in his hand. Carter came over and gently took the half-empty bowl and spoon to place them on the tray, so Jack didn't have to move. 

"He must be exhausted after that night in the infirmary and this long day," she whispered as she stroked a hand through his blond hair.

"He slept a few hours this morning, but yeah, he's beat." Fraiser might have been right when she said Daniel should have taken a nap.

But Jack knew he had done the right thing by not forcing it. Because what Daniel needed more than a nap was his Christmas day. Not just the dinner and the gifts and the tree. No. It was all part of the package. Decorating the tree, cooking, setting the table, waiting for the guests, putting gifts under the tree... It was all good. Even the tears had been good in a strange way. They had both needed this day. Jack decided to wait until their friends were gone before he put Daniel to bed. 

Then he would talk to Charlie.

*******

Daniel woke with a start, a little disorientated. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, trying to figure out what had woken him. Flyboy was pulling at his covers, making little noises deep in his throat. 

"Do you have to go? Wait." Daniel climbed out of bed and grabbed his bathrobe. Usually it was Jack who let the dog out late at night before he went to bed. Maybe he was asleep already. The house was quiet, so Daniel assumed everybody was gone now. Then he remembered that he had woken earlier, when everyone left. He also remembered he had given Jackson something from the box in Jack's bedroom.

Daniel smiled as he tapped out into the dark hallway and followed the dog into the kitchen, to let him out the back door. Flyboy vanished into the yard. Daniel could hear him run around, looking for a nice place for his leak. He yawned again and shivered a little in the open doorway. It had stopped snowing, and the moon was hidden behind clouds now.

A few minutes passed, and Flyboy didn't come back. Daniel was getting get cold and called him. 

"Hey, kiddo. What are you doing here," Jack emerged from the shadows of the yard, "without shoes?"

Daniel stepped back to let him pass. "The dog needed out."

"Ah. Socks?"

"Ja-ack. What were you doing out there?" 

Flyboy came back in  after Jack , and Daniel shut the door behind him. He rubbed his right foot against the left leg of his sweatpants, then the left foot against his right leg.

"Was on the roof. Clouds are too thick now, though, to really see anything. Come here, Wretch." Jack picked him up and carried him all the way to the master bedroom. He put him down on the double bed and ordered, "Stick your feet under the covers."

Daniel wriggled under the comforter and waited for Jack to join him. As he watched him undress, he asked, "Did you talk to Charlie?"

He knew Jack did that every once in a while on special occasions like Christmas or Charlie's birthday. 

"Yeah. That poem Teal'c read... Sara always read it on Christmas."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

Jack rummaged around in his closet for a moment and then slipped under the covers, holding a wooden box in his hand. "It's okay. Here. I got something else for you. I thought I'd wait till tomorrow since you were so tired. But now that you're awake..."

Daniel sat up and carefully took the small box. There were oriental designs all over it. It looked like... “Jack! Did you buy this in Cairo?"

"Nope. Got it on Ebay," Jack said, grinning a little sheepishly. "I just thought it matched what's inside. It's made in Taiwan."

"Oh. Looks pretty cool. What's inside?"

"Well, you have to open it to see that," Jack prompted.

"Is it... alive?"

"Very funny, Daniel."

"Explosive?" 

"NO! But if you don't stop shaking it, we'll have it all over the bed," Jack warned when Daniel  shook it a little.

He thought about shaking it once more, but decided against it. Teasing Jack was fun, but he wasn't going to ruin whatever was in the box. So he just grinned and opened it.

"Jack!" Daniel set the cover aside and slowly slipped a hand into the fine sand. He let it run through his fingers. "Is this from...?"

"From your parents’ dig site. I collected it before we went to meet Pierson."

He knew he was probably doing the guppy mouth thing Jack was always teasing him about. Feeling the fine, powdery sand on his skin was like having a piece of his past back, to touch and to look at. "Thank you, Jack,” he whispered. “Thank you for taking me to Egypt... for always being there... for being... being you."

He put the box on the nightstand and threw himself at Jack, tears trickling down his face. Only this time they weren't sad tears or angry tears. They were just tears because he felt loved and safe and happy. 

"Oy. Stop ruining my shirt," Jack growled affectionately.

Daniel sniffled and rubbed his nose on Jack's shirt, which got him a mock disgusted groan. "God, Daniel, use a tissue, will ya? This is gross..."

"Sorry."

Jack pulled the shirt over his head and tossed it in the general direction of the laundry basket. He even managed to score. When they had settled down again, the tapping of paws was heard, and a moment later, the dog climbed onto the bed and lay down at Daniel's feet. 

"So. What were you two whispering about before he left?" Jack wanted to know.

"Jackson and I? Oh. I gave him my old glasses," Daniel yawned. 

"Nice," Jack mumbled, pulling up the covers so they were both warm. "'Night, Daniel."

"Night, Jack.... Merry Christmas."

"Yeah." Jack kissed his head. 

.... and to all a good night. 

  
  


**Epilogue**

**New Year's Eve**

  
  


The crisp December air nipped at Daniel's cheeks and nose as he made his way through the snow. Soon the warmth on his face was replaced by the cold air brushing his skin. Thankful for the thick parka and gloves, which kept him warm despite the low temperatures, he rounded the corner of the house. 

He reached the deck where a pool of warm yellow light poured out of the window and onto the snow-covered table and chairs. Inside they were discussing the football game. Jack had won some dollars tonight by betting on the winning team.

Still, he had nagged during the whole game that hockey was the only true sport in the world. Or in every world, if he could have his way. Daniel could hear Sam and Janet's laughter, muffled by the window. He smiled as he remembered how they had mixed some nonalcoholic cocktails while everybody else  had been glued to the TV. 

It had been a great evening full of excellent food, gentle bantering between friends and some hilarious moments, like when Teal'c had brought in colorful party hats for everybody. He did this each and every year. And every year they all tried to get out of wearing them. And every year they failed. Never mess with a Jaffa in party mood. 

Daniel continued to walk through the powdery snow that glistened in the bright beam of light from the living room. Flyboy, who had followed him out, was circling the yard, sticking his nose into the snow, uttering excited snuffles and low barks. 

Daniel reached the stairs leading to the roof platform. Icicles were hanging from the rungs and when he stepped on the rough wood, he knew they were slippery.

Flyboy nudged Daniel's hip with his nose.

“You can't go up there with me,” he told his dog. He tipped his head back to look up at the dark roof. Most of the snow had crashed down during the icy rain this morning. But there were still white spots. Gripping the banister firmly, the thought that he probably shouldn't climb up the ice covered steps crossed his mind briefly. 

Flyboy yelped and nudged him again. Daniel patted his head. “Wait here for me,” he told his four-footed friend, his voice soft in the still of the night. It was cloudless and starry, no wind. “I won't be long.” 

He needed to be alone for a moment. To feel the cold and fresh air on his face. To see the stars. To take a deep breath. 

Christmas had been unexpected fun once he had come to terms with the... strange and yet all-too-familiar atmosphere. He could feel the love. The warm feelings between his friends. And he was part of that again. Hoped he was part of it again. 

Daniel put his foot on the first step. He was aware of the creaking wood and the slickness under his boots as he slowly made his way upwards. When he reached the deck, his left foot slipped on the last step, and he almost skidded backwards. But his hands closed firmly on the wooden post of the banister. He pulled himself up until he stood on the deck. The telescope was covered in a thick canvas to protect it from the frost. The two chairs were now down in Jack's shed and would be dragged out again in the spring. 

With a heavy breath, Daniel leaned against the banister and looked up at the stars.

The same stars. 

They changed slowly. A lifetime of one man – no matter how often he died and came back or was downsized – wasn't enough to change the constellation of the stars. Or even if it was, it didn't show from down here when he looked at the sky. The stars had been like this when he was a small boy in Egypt. Only then they had been brighter because the sky seemed always closer in the desert. On Abydos the stars positions were different. But when he'd come home, they had been the same constellations he remembered.

When Daniel had turned into a little boy again, lost and scared, angry and numb, mo ur ning the life he had left behind with his adult body – the stars had looked like this.

He knew that even though he couldn't remember being that little boy. 

Couldn't remember the angst or sadness nor the fights against himself and this new life as a child with the mind of a thirty-four year old man. Couldn't remember the rare moments of joy and laughter, of being loved and cared for. There weren't any memories about the time when it had gotten better as he had lived and learned to adjust and accept... 

Where there should be memories of his time as a kid, there was just nothing. Not even a black spot or confusion. Just nothing. He had left for a mission one morning and woke up on a strange planet surrounded by his team... a year later. For him, no time had passed from when he started to explore the temple ruins on the planet where he'd gotten downsized. 

Tonight a year ended and another one started. Daniel inhaled the cold air. It smelled like snow and fireworks from the impatient neighbors who couldn't wait for the clock to turn 12. 

Time was such a relative thing. 

“You know, if you were little Daniel, I'd smack your ass for climbing up here,” Jack's gruff voice startled him. 

He hadn't heard him coming up. Without turning to look at the other man, he muttered, “A guy your age shouldn't take the risk either.”

“Yeah, well... somebody had to.” The banister creaked as Jack leaned against it. “What's up?”

“Nothing. I just,” he gestured towards the sky, “needed some space. And fresh air. You shouldn't have come after me. I'm fine.”

A low snort answered that. Then Jack said, “Blame the kid. He was worried.“

Daniel wanted to believe the excuse was just a subterfuge. That Jack had come after him because he cared. But he wouldn't hold his breath. Over Christmas, Daniel had felt like he was once again welcomed into the family that was SG-1, but there was still this distance between him and Jack O'Neill. 

To Jack, Daniel wasn't Daniel anymore. He was just Jackson. Jackson, the guy from the future. Jackson had no place anymore in Jack O'Neill's life. Because there already was a Daniel. 

The little Daniel. The one Jackson couldn’t remember. The Daniel who was his own past. A kid with huge blue eyes that had once held all the sadness and anger about being downsized. Those eyes still looked too old sometimes. But at other times they sparkled with laughter and showed that the wounds had started to heal. 

That Daniel was the one Jack cared for and loved now. Like a friend, like a father. Jackson made Jack flinch and feel uncomfortable. Jackson didn't belong here. Not with Jack. 

Yep, time was a relative thing. No calendars, New Year's celebrations or clocks would ever grasp the real essence of time. 

Sam could lecture them about time or time travel for days, Daniel assumed. But he didn't need her to explain the physics to him anymore. He had been there, done that, got the t-shirt... He only hoped it was all worth it. 

“It's almost time. Wanna come inside again?” Jack was close. Daniel could see his breath as a white cloud in the cold air.

“I like it out here. It's... nice.”

“Here.” Jack pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniel's from the inside of his jacket. “It'll warm you up a bit.” 

Daniel looked at the label and couldn't smother a smile. “Any New Year’s resolutions, Jack?”

“Nah. I never stick to them anyway.” Jack grinned and opened the bottle. He took a sip and then handed it to Daniel. 

“I'd like to think I did the right thing,” Daniel whispered before he drank. He felt the whiskey running down his throat burning a welcoming hot trail down to his stomach. He felt warmer. “That coming back in time will change things for the better.” 

Jack took the bottle and put it to his lips once more. When he handed it back, he shrugged. “You're here now. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

“Yeah.”

“Jackson?”

“Jack?” 

“You gonna share what happened in your time line one day?”

“Maybe.” He turned away and let his gaze wander through the peaceful dark garden. 

His time line.

Those were memories he would have engraved on his heart and mind forever. Everything that had happened after he got re-sized. He sometimes wished he'd forget that time. Maybe he did come back more for his own sake than for the universe, no matter what Oma's prophecy said. 

“Hey,” a gentle hand clasped around the nape of his neck, squeezing for a moment, “Happy New Year, Future Boy.”

Around them, the low sounds of church bells arose, ringing in the New Year. Daniel could hear fireworks whistling. He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling Jack's hand linger a little longer before it was gone, leaving a warm tingle on his neck. 

Familiar.

Good.

“Happy New Year,” he replied as he gave the bottle back to his friend. 

For now, he felt warm enough.

 


End file.
